Oh I’m Sorry … Am I Blogging Too Loudly?

You know, it occurs to me that I’ve never been accused of being too loud.

Too tall, routinely. Too sarcastic, perhaps (said with an indignant eye roll). Too addicted to Diet Coke, yip that’s me. Too sexy…well, if Right Said Fred was, then I can be, too.

But too loud? Never. I’m the person you won’t notice in a room, the silent observer, the measured thinker who only contributes when she feels she has something worthy of contribution.

So imagine my surprise when I returned home from my vacation this weekend (and it was super fun, thank you kindly for asking) to find über-official-looking legal documents in my mailbox telling me to shut the fuck up.

Seriously. OK, the words “shut the fuck up” may not have exactly appeared among the pages and pages of legal verbiage, but that was so totally the intended message.

It seems I may have struck a nerve. Or two. Or a shitload (which, if you’re a loyal blog follower, you know to be 4,533 — plus or minus 10).

Here’s the deal: I’m using this blog to talk about my life, the unfortunate events surrounding my divorce, the painful path to reinvention I’ve been forced to take. I’m using this medium as a way to reach out to others in similar situations, to share my stories and ask for yours, to organize my thoughts and prepare myself for the surprising path that is unfolding before me — the long, arduous, painful path that it is…

(And btw, if you’re new to my blog, you can start the journey from the beginning here, with a cheerful ditty called, “How my marriage ended with a brick…” Only a dozen or so subtle little posts so far, but apparently, that’s a dozen too many according to some people who shall remain forever nameless…)

So I can only surmise by the aforementioned legal papers found in my mailbox (and rife with typos, might I add…I’d ask for a discount from that lawyer if I were they) that certain people may be slightly uncomfortable that I’m talking at all.

But I can talk, dammit! I’m allowed — even encouraged — and in fact, I JUST saw that whole original Bill of Rights thingie in person with my very own eyes on my recent vacation to Washington DC. What are the odds of that?

So thanks in part to a few Constitutional amendments and some other reasons, here is my personal list of

The Top 10 Reasons I Will NOT Shut the Fuck Up:

10. Because I’m a writer. Which is an art. And this is my medium. Which makes the Internet my canvas, so to speak.

I mean, think about it: Do you think anyone ever told Picasso to shut the fuck up with the creepy blobby dudes with uneven eyes and giant nostrils? I think not.

Though maybe they should have. Those portraits are really creepy. See for yourself:

9. Because I don’t hafta! (said in the whiny inflection of a 4-year-old toddler, throwing her weight to the ground in a fit of self-righteous indignation)

8. Because Abe Lincoln was on my side:

“To sin by silence when they should protest makes cowards of men.”
~ Abraham Lincoln

That’s some powerful shit, Abey…and yes, before you ask, I have permission to call him that. We’re like “this” (imagine me crossing my fingers here…).

Sorry ‘bout the bullet and all, but thanks for those fuckin’ awesome words.

7. Because in legal cases, truth is the ultimate defense.

And what I’ve written here is the truth, the whole truth and nothin’ but the mother-fricken truth. And keep in mind, I’m a journalist and a self-diagnosed hoarder— a crazy combination that means I have documentation to back up everything…

6. Because Martin Luther King, Jr., was on my side:

“Our lives begin to end the day we become silent about things that matter.”
~ Martin Luther King, Jr.

That’s some powerful shit, Marty…and yes, before you ask, I have permission to call him that. We’re like “this” (imagine me crossing my fingers here…).

Sorry ’bout the bullet and all, but thanks for those fuckin’ awesome words.

(Shit! Are you seeing the same pattern I’m seeing…wise men who speak powerful words about not being silent all end up being shot D-E-A-D? OK, new mission: Find someone who advocated action over inaction who did NOT end up all dead and assassinated, k? K…)

5. Because of these powerful words:

“There are risks and costs to action. But they are far less than the
long-range risks of comfortable inaction.”
~ John F. Kennedy

Jesus H Christ in a chicken basket! Help me out, here, old dead inspirational dudes! Sheesh.

4. Because I have a master’s degree in journalism and took just a few media law classes.

By no means am I saying that makes me any smarter than anyone else, just that I’m well versed on the whole free speech deal: No, the Constitution does not give every man, woman, child and goldfish freedom of speech without restriction…it grants freedom from government’s infringement on speech with only certain exceptions, none of which apply here. And the court in which these copious legal docs are filed are part of — let’s say it together — the government.

A special shout-out to Schoolhouse Rock for a few inspirational lessons that taught me the nuances of government, btw.

So judges typically frown upon the idea of censorship, and I’d also think they hate hate HATE the idea of a Supreme Court overruling them on a free speech case. Just sayin’…

3. Because I just wrote a whole post on Elin-formerly-Woods-Nordegren, people — so I know the going rate for buying silence. And it ain’t cheap.

For my shit-divorce soul sister Elin, drooling tabloid reporters around the globe glibly gushed that she was gagged for $750 million. That’s $750 followed by, like, a gazillion zeroes.

Personally, I’d go for only, like, a bazillion zeroes. Hell, I’d go for seven. But not one zero fewer…

2. Because there are countless people on my side — and they’re telling me to keep it up!

I can’t tell you how gratifying it is to read all of the incredible comments posted to my blog in recent weeks — they make me feel like I’m not alone, and they’re primarily coming from people I don’t know and probably never will meet in person.

And reading them distracts me from my other favorite pastime, which generally includes time spent curled up in a corner of my office in the fetal position, sucking my thumb and rocking under my nubby blanket while drinking an Orange Fanta.

Not really. I already admitted to an obsession with Diet Coke.

Anyhow, long story short is that I’m getting feedback, and it’s feedback telling me that I’m doing something valuable. Here are just a few examples:

monicastangledweb said:
Hey Mikalee, I love your divorce and post-divorce stories! Remember I told you I had one coming up? Well I posted it today so be sure to check it out. I’m dedicating it to you!

slamdunk said:
Great topic. I think many folks will be inspired with your story and the concept of a 2.0 — that one version is simply not the end of the story.

Catherine said:
I think it is amazing what you are doing. Your blog feels similar to my blog — you’ve been through so much and now you just want to get it out in the world. Maybe help a few people get through it themselves. I really like what you’re doing here, and I’m sorry for what you’ve gone through. But you seem amazing and strong, and I know you’ll be fine. Can’t wait to read more!

emjayandthem said:
Mikalee, your writing leaves me lacking for words .. and in the very best way possible. It’s powerful, emotional, raw, honest, introspective and compelling. May I link to you on my page? Well done, and, for what it’s worth, I’m sorry this happened.

So please, please, please keep the comments coming — otherwise I’ll return to the nubby blanket. Which brings me to #1…

1. Because I look really pathetic like this:

(Quick aside: getting this picture was like torture. Truly. That sad look on my face? Not an act, as I’ve discovered in recent years that I’m slightly claustrophobic. So you should have seen my boyfriend doubled over in hysterics while trying to take my pic because even putting that tape over my mouth almost sent me into a full-on panic attack.)

So there you go. Now it’s your turn: Do you think I should shut the fuck up? Would you shut the fuck up, if you were I? The inquiring mind of this loud blogger wants to know…

160 thoughts on “Oh I’m Sorry … Am I Blogging Too Loudly?

  1. Krystil says:

    Mikalee – you should NOT shut the fuck up! One thing I have been impressed with is your ability to tell a story withOUT naming specific names. Only those who know the two, er, three of you would know who you are talking about. I wish I had the ability to express myself as well as you do. Keep it up, sista!

    • Mikalee Byerman says:

      Wow…thank you, Krystil! I was hoping I’d get someone (anyone) to tell me I don’t have to shut the fuck up. Now I feel so much better!

      I really appreciate that you’re reading — and that you cared to comment. Truly: thank you! 🙂

    • D.S.Hillman says:

      To get it out of your system its either a book or a blog, but get it out there you must. My situation is not the same as yours and I went the other route and wrote a book…the page can be a good friend.

      Good luck with everything.

      • Mikalee Byerman says:

        Definitely agreed — for those of us who are writers, this is so totally therapy without the $150-$250/hour price tag!

        Thanks for stopping by and commenting … and best of luck with your therapy as well.

  2. kelliefish13 says:

    Don’t shut up, your stories are funny and inspiring.
    Plus as Krystil says you’ve done a great job of not naming names or linking to blogs… which as frustrating as it is for the readers sometimes (oh how I would have loved to read the blog post that you talked about where she copied you) you have kept them private. That takes much more strength that I think I would have.

    • Mikalee Byerman says:

      Thanks so much for the feedback. My goal with this blog has never been revenge or to serve some personal vendetta — but if it were to, I would’ve TOTALLY linked to her blog. Because again, I have every right to since she put it out there in the public.

      But instead, I remain committed to telling my stories to help others through my shitty example. Hell, if I can help one person NOT go through the same torture I’m living, then I’m doing a good thing. Or if I can help someone feel they’re not alone by their ability to relate to my situation, again, I look at that as a win-win.

      Thank you so much for reading and commenting, kelliefish13!

  3. joeandharryabroad says:

    Don’t shut up for certain- from what I’ve read an outsider has no way of knowing who you are talking about so what exactly is their legal ground? Mental, I enjoy reading your blog so keep it up! x

    • Mikalee Byerman says:

      Yeah, I think their legal ground is mighty shaky…but it’s not going to stop them from coming after me. Oh well, this is an important fight to be sure (and especially in light of my media background!), so I’m ready to undertake it.

      Thank you, as always, for reading and commenting!

  4. comdude says:

    I do not want you to shut the fuck up, however, I do not know the teeth behind the legal-looking documents you received. Modern history is full of people who were fired (for example) due to their employers discovering things they did not like, posted by bloggers, tweeters, facebookers etc. Please look up the old story of QueenOfSky Ellen Simonetti for details.

    Just because it’s a free country doesn’t mean people can’t get all scrappy and annoy you with legal-looking documents or fire you for what you post on the web. Some of those are done deals and the scrappy people got away with it.

    • Mikalee Byerman says:

      Awesome points here, comdude, and I’ll totally be looking up the story you reference. Unfortunately, it seems these people are willing to get all “scrappy,” as you put it, so I’m going to have to go down this path as well.

      No worries. Bring it, I say! I have a voice and every right to use it, and I’m not going to shy away from the freedoms afforded me by my country because scrappy people don’t want me talking.

      Thanks for commenting!

      • comdude says:

        I remember Ellen published a book about the whole experience. After Googling I see she’s writing a screenplay and a QueenOfSky movie is in the works.

        It could be, MIKaLee, that your srappy people are the ones who need to shut the fuck up, and just be thankful that you’re only posting on WordPress. Others have indicated here that your story might be marketable on a Really Big Screen.

        Just tell them there is no F in MIKaLee. More MILK.

        • Mikalee Byerman says:

          Oh, I’m not beyond the possibility of exploring bigger and broader venues. As long as it’s serving the greater good, that is!

          Thanks again for the feedback — DEFINITELY no “F” in Mikalee! 😉

  5. Herb says:

    I was going to mention in my last comment that you may be getting something in the mail. I just had a felling after the personal cards post.
    Maybe you should contact the ACLU.
    Do you think your ex will write a Guest Post? lol, How great would that be? You site would definately go viral.
    This would make for a great reality T.V. show, maybe you should try and submit something.
    Well, good luck, hope it doesn’t get too messy

    • Mikalee Byerman says:

      Oooh…the ACLU is a great idea. Would be nice to not have to worry about the legal fees and just let them run with it!

      And I’m LOLing about the prospect of both a guest post and a reality show. There is incredible drama here, isn’t there? Man how I wish for a calm and peaceful, drama-free life…but alas that is not my reality!

      Thanks for commenting…

  6. notesfromrumbleycottage says:

    Hmmm, blogging too loudly? Not when you are blogging and writing and telling. I wonder if the scanned images of past love notes pushed issues to the forefront. No ex wants to be reminded that they are the one who caused everything to collapse while pretending they were still deeply in love. Be careful so no more shit can fly your way.

    • Mikalee Byerman says:

      Sadly, I just think the idea of my blogging at all pushed the issue to the forefront — didn’t matter if I scanned in his old cards or plastered myself naked all over the page. They just want me to be silent, because the truth hurts.

      The bottom line: If they had simply been respectful and handled things in an appropriate manner, I’d have nothing to complain about. Then, as I mentioned before, you’d all be reading about how I sort my laundry or other mundane aspects of my life. But the issues that my divorce have brought to the surface are more common than not, I fear, so I feel adamantly that I can help others through telling my story.

      Thank you again for stopping by!

  7. lochgarry says:

    Your blog is there to express yourself. From what I have read recently, you are doing a great job.
    Keep writing. If someone is offended by what you say, then it is their loss not yours.

    Life is too short on this planet to be living in mute mode. Let your voice be heard loud and clear.
    All the best…

    • Mikalee Byerman says:

      Exactly…I do NOT want to be in mute mode, dammit! 😉

      Thank you so much for the great feedback. It helps to know others are on my “side,” though really, there shouldn’t even be “sides” here — it should just be about an open forum of ideas, the ability to express oneself and perhaps even help in some cases.

      Hope to see you around here again!

  8. J. Eric Smith says:

    Because we run the world, we tall people are actually entitled to do whatever the hell we want to do. (Unless it involves sitting in airplane seats, in which case, we’re just shit out of luck). But blogging loudly, that’s certainly our right. Run with it, and don’t let the little people intrude with their ankle-biting, Napoleonic way.

    • Mikalee Byerman says:

      Oh. My. GOD! So true about the airplanes. WTH is up with that — are airplane design engineers like 4′ 9.5″ or something? Sheesh….

      And yes, I’m totally running with it — giraffe legs and all. This is my right as a person, a mother, a former wife and an American.

      (Cue the Lee Greenwood song here…)

      Thank you for stopping by and commenting!

      • J. Eric Smith says:

        I’m thinking the airplane design engineers are actually 6’4″ (because tall and clever go together), but they make so much money doing their gig that they never have to fly coach, and so never experience the horror that they impose upon the cattle class.

        And I’m happy to be following your blog through the freak happenstance of Fresh Pressing . . . there are plenty of bloggers out and about on the blogosphere, but only a VERY small portion of them are also actually writers (and that’s an important distinction), you among them.

        I also appreciate well written web material. Even when short people produce it (though that is rare, of course).

  9. creatorwithin26 says:

    I found your expressions in here by decorating the guts and straight forward traits that you hold in your persona.

    honestly speaking, to somewhat your thinking resembles with mine.
    anyways felt good while reading your blog.

    have great times ahead

  10. Mitch Devine says:

    When you get a snarky letter from a lawyer, you know you’re doing something right! I love that you noticed the letter was filled with typos, too. 🙂 Keep on talking and writing, Mikalee. Before long, you’ll have a book you can rub their noses in!

  11. John says:

    I’ll be blatantly honest- I personally wouldn’t be putting comparable info out there for the world to see. Mind you, that’s no criticism of you. I guess I’m just saying that I’m too chickenshit to do it. I suppose in a roundabout way, that’s a compliment. Your relentless honesty in all of this takes cajones.

    That said, it couldn’t hurt to employ an attorney and see what they might say about your blog just to be sure that you’re in the clear. Preferably, find an attorney that talks English real good (and not one that fills their correspondence with grammar gaffes).

    • Mikalee Byerman says:

      Well, I’ll definitely take your roundabout compliment as it’s intended, thank you kindly!

      And I’ve talked to multiple lawyers, and as a result, feel as confident as I can about the whole thing. That’s not to say I have complete confidence — just that, barring a bad day with the judge or a personal vendetta against me for some reason, I have faith that my voice will not be silenced.

      And if it is — well then, what’s that saying about when one door closes, a window opens?

      • John says:

        Here’s maybe a better way of saying it. (puts on movie geek hat) Ingmar Bergman had his demons. He was ruthlessly honest about them. He used them as themes in his films, and as such, his deeply personal films were some of the best the world has ever seen. He said it this way: “The demons are innumerable, appear at the most inconvenient times and create panic and terror. But I have learned that if I can master the negative forces and harness them to my chariot, then they can work to my advantage.”

        I think you’ve got that type of thing going on, and it’s admirable.

        • Mikalee Byerman says:

          I love it…so in my post, I totally inappropriately compare myself to Picasso, then you kinda in a roundabout way compare me to Ingmar Bergman?!?! Man, I’m keeping good company these days!

          Awesome quote, and I dig your stylin’ movie geek hat. Keep wearing it — it totally brings out your eyes. 😉

          Demons are a funny thing (not like funny ha-ha, just funny odd), and I can totally relate!

  12. laynechin says:

    Never mind the dirty talks, I think you can express some inner feelings that we all share but are disable to write. Whatever, I am definitely on your side.

    • Mikalee Byerman says:

      I’m cheering you on from the sidelines! Good luck — and keep us all posted. And let your friends/family/support system (including electronic/virtual friends) know if you need something as you’re going through this. It’s hell, but so much easier when you feel support and encouragement…

  13. mary says:

    As you know, I am awe-inspired by your writing. I hope you are saving your best stories for a book of some sorts – short stories, humourous essays, etc. At the same time, I hope this process is cathartic for you and that you find your peace in all of this. Sending more your way!

    • Mikalee Byerman says:

      I can take all the peace I can get, Mary — my life feels like a shitstorm, and I’m in the worst part of it! So thank you kindly for the wishes.

      And yes, the book is in process. Just need to find a publisher…

      Happy Thanksgiving!

  14. patridew says:

    I just took the time to read every one of your posts. Don’t shut up. The fact that you still have a sense of humour boggles my mind. How could Mr and Mrs Ex think you would stop writing? Of course you’d blog… they must have seen the signs!

    • Mikalee Byerman says:

      I’m guessing they’re not too happy. But you know what: I couldn’t care less. (And if I’m being perfectly honest, them being pissed at me maybe a tiny bit satisfying. Just a teensy bit.)

      Thanks for the support!

  15. chriscaff says:

    Crikey, I can’t believe anyone would think they have the right to stop you from telling your story. And I can’t imagine what this woman married to your ex is thinking. Using children to score points. Let her tell me to shut up! Silly, childish, pathetic creature!
    Keep going, and good luck.

    • Mikalee Byerman says:

      Posturing through children is the lowest of the lows. I went to a movie tonight and saw a trailer for the new Disney film “African Cats,” which starts with this quote: “Every mother has one mission: Protect her family.” The claws are coming out on this mama kitty!

      Thank you for reading and commenting…

  16. Normanomiblog says:

    If you’re telling the truth, and not using real names (which I don’t think you are), there is no reason whatsoever for you to keep your mouth shut. It’s your life, it’s your ideas, it’s your right.

    Keep talking, don’t let em shut you down.

  17. KS says:

    A co-worker who is a blogger, posted your blog. I’m here to offer support. I too went through divorce back in ’05. It was straight out of the Jerry Springer show, minus the kids, and me being an innocent bystander sitting in the audience. They (ex and trashy GF) tried to drag me into their heap of shit, but I sat back and waited patiently. When he “needed” my help financially to get away from her and cut ties with her (sordid story), it gave me the opportunity to make some financial deals to my benefit. No help from me, he would have been hung. We had no children, so the divorce in my eyes turned into nothing more than a business transaction.
    I’m reading backwards through your blogs tonight. Hang tough, and I’m sure you know or are realizing that you are much better off without this class A Asshole.

    • Mikalee Byerman says:

      Wow, KS — sounds like you have your own book in the making. I’m sorry for your ordeal, but just like you mentioned: I hope you feel better off.

      And in some strange way, I do have to be grateful for discovering the brick, because it opened my eyes in a way I wouldn’t have otherwise. On this Thanksgiving, I’m grateful for the brick!

  18. winxrocker says:

    Sweetie, don’t you ever shut the fuck up! I’ve been told that many times because I talk a hell of a lot, and I’ve never paid attention to anyone who’s told me to shut the fuck up, and I’m not at all worried about that. Here I am, still talking like those people on late night talk shows!

    • Mikalee Byerman says:

      (Based on a cursory Google search…this is Indonesian. And it includes words that resemble “interesting,” “peace” and “friendship.” So it can’t be all that bad. And thanks, Indonesian friend!)

  19. MegsyFace says:

    Just so you know, you’re number 1 on WordPress. I was bored at work and looking for more blogs to read and yours was right on the front page. From this post to the first and back to this, I’ve spent a good chunk of my day catching up on all things Mikalee (cool name, be-tee-dubs [btw] {by the way}). So far–so good.

    My sister went through with a divorce shortly after getting married because she wanted to do the “right thing” and marry the man so that she wouldn’t have a child out of wedlock. He left the computer on and she was slapped in the face with a personals ad that he had created seeking out “hot asian chicks” (my sister is blond haired, blue eyed and beautiful). I really think she could relate to some of your bat-shit crazy antics.

    Just for the record, though–you’re keeping it classy. Although there’s enough swearing that your blog should be blocked as NSFW (not safe for work) what you’re doing here could never be called defamation of character–you’ve never literally NAMED the characters–nor have you named your children or their school or anything else incriminating. Sure–you’ve revealed your first and last name (completely taboo on the internet in the age BEFORE facebook) but this is YOUR blog about YOU (v2.0) and you’ve kept it self-centered (in a good way). I don’t think they’ll have any grounds to stand on.

    I know this comment is long-winded as-is, but I just wanted to mention that I literally gasped in horror when I read about what that wicked wicked woman did to your daughter’s hair!! It’s one thing to do something sneaky to stab at you, but that certainly damaged your daughter-dearest too… and that’s never a good thing. The claws would come out in this mama-bear if anyone did that to my daughter (that I actually don’t have).

    I hope you keep writing 🙂 I’m subscribing.

    • Mikalee Byerman says:

      Wow, MegsyFace … thank you so much! I literally gasped in horror myself when reading about what your sister went through — so not ok. So, so not ok…

      I’m looking forward to seeing you around these parts again … thank you again!

  20. alastor993 says:

    Please don’t shut up! I just found your blog now, so you just can’t do that to me!
    I’m sorry you have to go through all this shit but I’m happy you’re sharing (completely egotistical).
    So thank you and keep going!

    • Mikalee Byerman says:

      OK, you’ve convinced me…just for you, I’ll keep it up…


      Seriously, though, the incredible amount of support I’m getting makes me feel validated, supported and “electronically” loved. And let’s face it, we can all use a little more electronic love in our lives…

      So thank you kindly for reading and commenting!

  21. Clare says:

    My ex also threatened me with legal action if I kept writing my blog – but it was all so much hot air and so very typical of his behaviour right through our marriage that I just moved it to another platform and locked it from search engines. I don’t particularly care what he thought, I just didn’t want to deal with the bulls**t.

    I did go back through my posts and double check all of them against his accusations. Nothing. Nada. Zip.

    I agree with other comments that you have very much made this blog about you – only people who personally know you could possibly know who/what you are talking about and they will know anyway – without you writing a blog about it. Great read, refreshing humour, thank you so much.

    • Mikalee Byerman says:

      Crazy, Clare — I can’t believe there’s more than one sanctimonious ex out there who thinks it’s ok to shut up his ex. Unbelievable.

      Thank you for sharing. And thank you for commenting as well!


  22. Posky says:

    How about just because you want to? Even if you are just some nut yelling crazy gibberish into empty cyber space, it’s your right to do so. I’ve liked what you’ve had to say and while I don’t always understand your need to say it, I’m glad you do.

    Keep it right the fuck up.

  23. laavventura says:

    Girlfriend you fucking rock! Thank you for your brilliant honesty, your sarcastic cool wit and thank you for NOT shutting the fuck up! The world needs more people like you to blog, rant, rave, and too scream it out! Keep it up, don’t shut up! Rock on!

    • Mikalee Byerman says:

      Wow … you’re so welcome! I can’t believe you’re actually thanking me — I have so much gratitude for everyone who has supported me, either IRL or throughout the blogosphere. It’s nice to feel that I may be doing something good as well.

      But I totally appreciate the support — so my thanks to you, too!

  24. lisa2.0 says:

    Thank you, thank you, thank you! Keep up the rant for me please! I’m working on Thanksgiving since my kids are spending the day with their father (my ex and his new girlfriend) and I just came across your blog. Too bad if they don’t like what you have to say! They made this bed, so they can suffer the indignation for their selfish behavior.

    Unfortunately, the day will come when the kids realize that their dad left their mother for this new wife and they will hate him and her for ruining their concept of family. That’s the saddest part about divorce. We can’t protect them from the other parents stupidity.

    Rock on my sister…..

    • Mikalee Byerman says:

      Lisa 2.0: We are “virtual” sisters, it seems. I spent the day without my kids, who are also with the ex and the other woman. I can’t tell you how hard these holidays without the kids are. But there’s one up side: We get Christmas with the kiddos, right?

      I do feel sad about the impact this will all have on my children. Certainly not now — they are amazing, incredible, seemingly well adjusted souls. But you can’t possibly be in the middle of an experience like this without some ill effects.

      Oh well. Guess it’s just on me to make lots of money so I can afford the future therapy. 😉

      Take care of yourself, and lean on your virtual friends if you need them. We’re here, and we feel your pain!

  25. Cat says:

    Hey Mikalee, have you ever noticed how breaking up with boyfriends before we got married doesn’t even compare to getting divorced???!! Why is that?!! LOL
    I’m doing my own Comparison Chart.

    • Mikalee Byerman says:

      Awesome…love it! You know, it’s funny: My ex was my first boyfriend, so I had to deal with my first heartbreak coupled with dealing with the absolute crazy that this situation has become.

      Can’t wait to see your chart… 🙂

      • Cat says:

        Not me, I almost married someone else before my X!! And MY high school sweet heart is happily married, still living in our hometown….and divorced….and remarried…and divorced again, I think….

  26. sixthirtythree says:

    I loved #7 about being a writer and a self-proclaimed hoarder which means you have documentation…I can hear you loud and clear on that part. You should see my documentation. LoL!

    Keep writing and never shut the eff up. You make a good point about the people who advocated speaking out, all got assassinated. I bet there is a conspiracy going on. 🙂

    Wonderful post. First time here, but I am can’t wait to read about the brick beginning!

    • Mikalee Byerman says:

      So since it’s your first time here: My warmest welcome to you!

      Thank you for reading and commenting. And yes, there’s definitely a conspiracy regarding these old, dead, inspirational dudes…

      Take care, and hope to see you around here again!

  27. markp427 says:

    Anybody who gives a shout-out to Schoolhouse Rock should absolutely not, in my humble opinion, shut the fuck up. You have a lot of famous historical figures on your side (even Abey!) so, by all means, keep it up!

    • Mikalee Byerman says:

      Awesome — thanks for the words of support. And yes, Schoolhouse Rock was a foundational element of my public school education. I still sing stirring renditions of “Lolly lolly lolly get your adverbs here” with remarkable regularity. Much to my boyfriend’s chagrin. 😉

  28. tanner24 says:

    Okay, so you stole at least an hour of my afternoon, but I forgive you….you made me laugh, you made me cry, you made me one of your biggest fans! I started with the whole brick thing and just now finished. As you so eloquently put it somewhere buried in your posts, “You can’t make this shit up.” Well you, my dear, are a trooper for having had to go through all that! The world could use a few more women like you!

  29. Devon says:

    I wonder if they realize that by sending you legal documents they are giving you more fuel to attract more attention to this blog they don’t want people to read. How ironic.

    Good for you for speaking your mind. If they weren’t doing anything wrong, they would not feel any need to take action against you. I bet they feel guilty as hell.

    Keep blogging!

  30. Mom, Interrupted says:

    Big fan! I’m happy to have found you. I’m intensely working on a Me 2.0 at this period in my life, and it’s inspiring to read another woman’s work as she fights and grows. Thank you for sharing your journey, and do NOT shut the fuck up, there’s a girl here in Texas who needs another loud voice to add to the chorus of strength!

    • Mikalee Byerman says:

      Well, I’m a big fan that you’re a big fan! Thank you!

      And when you need to hear a fellow strong voice focusing on reinvention and growth, just reach out through the blogosphere. I’ll be here as long as the courts allow.

      Fingers crossed…

  31. Pat Butler says:

    I am sorry you have had to go through this as well as your children but its a real growth situation and you are stronger and more self aware for it…………and someday when you look back on it, you may even be grateful that it happened. Beautiful writing………honest, heartfelt and most of all……………humorous…………..you can’t get through life without humor!
    1 divorce,1 separation, 2 lost loves……………still happy & optimistic at 71
    and don’t ever shut up!

    • Mikalee Byerman says:

      Pat, you are an inspiration — thank you for sharing!

      And yes, I am stronger and ultimately happier because of what has happened. I have embraced a new reality, I’m loving life, and I know I can get through most anything after this. Would I wish this kind of pain upon anyone? Never. Do I have to be grateful it happened to me? Indeed I do.

      Thank you for stopping by!

  32. The Reason You Come says:

    They’ve all said it (all those who commented before me), but I’ll say it again. Don’t STFU! If anything, make your voice louder! You’ve got a story to tell, you’re telling it in a classy way, and what’s more, you’re entertaining as hell.

    I said classy because I can see that you really are not writing these posts as a form of revenge. If my fiancé cheated on me, I’d probably write a post that says: “Please stalk and then terrorize my asshole-ex and his whore. I’ll pay you. These are their residential and business addresses and telephone numbers: (insert addresses and contact numbers here)” Your ex should be thankful I’m not his ex! 😉

    Seriously, you can’t STFU! If it becomes really ugly, make a petition to keep this blog. I’m sure a lot of people will sign it. I’ll sign!

    • Mikalee Byerman says:

      LOL…a petition may be in the future. We’ll have to see — it’s in the court’s hands now!

      Thank you for commenting. And I’m really glad that you can see this is not about revenge … and it truly isn’t. What it is about is healing, and I think we can all use a little more of that in our lives.

  33. Mike B says:

    Seriously, MB, keep on truckin’ with your whole scene. Your kids are #1 and you are a great and protective mom…keep them safe from the freaks. You rock!

  34. 2summers says:

    Hi Mikalee, I love your blog. You were the first person to comment on my blog when it showed up on Freshly Pressed the other day, which is how I saw you. In fact, it was the first time I’d read another person’s WordPress blog.

    I’m fascinated by your story. I recently went through a divorce. (I was the leaver and not the leavee, but I’m not as big a jerk as your ex. I don’t think.) I’m also a writer. So, your blog has provided me with some good food for thought. I’ll keep reading!

    Good luck with everything,

    • Mikalee Byerman says:

      Well hello there … and welcome! I’m so happy you happened upon my blog — whatever the reason/cause/situation, those of us who are in the thick of divorce and its aftermath need to stick together!

      Good luck in your situation, too. Whether the leaver or the leavee, it’s NEVER easy! 😦

  35. psychodoodle says:

    love love love your blog… best i’ve come across so far i think… they say that every cloud has a silver lining.. your blog maybe yours. bitter, jaded, blindsided ex-wife? i dont know… you dont look it & you dont sound like it… awesome writing… keep them coming.. Cheers!! (to you) 🙂

    • Mikalee Byerman says:

      Thank you so much for the incredible feedback! I’m doing my best to make the most of an absolutely hideous situation. But connecting with people like you is my personal “silver lining.”

      Hope to see you around here again — and I’ll be stopping by your site as well! 🙂

  36. Veronika says:

    Mikalee, hi! I just came across this blog while browsing randomly, and ended up stopping and reading the entire thing in one go.

    As someone who IS very loud, I have to say that you really are very polite in how you write, and need by no means shut up or even turn it down. Keep it up, the despicable ex and his ex-ex and what they do to your children’s life deserves to have its dirty laundry aired. I’ve always believed in the truth being a good weapon for those brave and strong enough to lift and weild it.

    And that 2.0 thing? I never knew (of) you before it, but friom reading your blog in 2.0, you do rock. Best of luck and I will come back and read this!


  37. Mental Climax says:

    hands down to you. just keep on blogging. you can be as loud as you want and as silent as you want. you how much worthy your energy is.

    Merry Christmas!

  38. bertbad says:

    I’m looking to read more from you. When is the new post coming? Soon, I hope. I am starting a podcast. Perhaps you would produce one for your blog as well? Or, maybe a video blog? I think that would be very cool. You seem personable and charismatic. I would listen and watch as well as continue reading your content!

  39. Your Trusty Babysitter and Neighbor says:

    You rock!!! Don’t let them bring you down. I love your writing, and as a young adult it’s inspiring to see you so strong, motivated, smart, and down right sassy. We love you!

    • Mikalee Byerman says:

      Uh-oh…am I going to get in trouble with your parents because you’re reading my R-rated musings? Just kidding, Trusty Babysitter and Neighbor. 😉

      Thank you so much for the feedback and the amazing comment — “sassy” is exactly the word my daughter uses to describe me (and I, her!). Seems it runs in the family…

      Love to your family, too!

  40. Young dad says:

    Don’t shut the fuck up.

    “Fo shiz” “Fo realz” and “You the shit” would all come to mind here if I were “one of the homies”. I love your unique writing style. I also gotta say that I love the fact you swear with reckless abandon.

    Rage against the PC. 😛

  41. Lizard says:

    Mikalee – I too, love your blog! reading it:

    A = makes me realize it’s ok to drop the f bomb around you so much at work..
    B = makes me smile because you are smart and witty and I’m glad we work together
    C = makes me really believe you will win this fight
    D = makes me glad I get to share you battle with you and cheer you on

    answer is E.
    Hugs to you.

    • Mikalee Byerman says:

      I know for a fact I owe my very sanity to the amazing support system surrounding me — and you’re definitely a key part of that group. THANK YOU!

      And by all means, please continue with the F-bombs. 😉

  42. Salmart says:

    Other than the obvious reasons you shouldn’t shut the fuck up (you’re allowed to tell everyone what’s honestly going on in your life and fuckloads of people are very interested, either because they can relate to it or they enjoy it as a damn good horror/thriller) but the best reason I can think of is because dumbarse & lurer dumberarser now know every time they do something incredibly selfish like getting YOUR daughter’s hair cut, pretending to be at interviews & pretending to be moving out of town, ALL YOUR EVER INCREASING blogging team, not to mention their friends (if they have any?) and family (can’t look away from the train wreck) are reading about it here. Now they’ll think twice if they don’t want to look like, like… well themselves. If it stops them doing anything else to damage YOUR children, what a great victory! Keep it coming baby. LOUDER THE BETTER!!

    • Mikalee Byerman says:

      You, my blog friend, are brilliant…simply brilliant!

      Thank you for the incredible feedback and insight that I may not have actually realized — but now definitely realize.

      I’m on it — everyone better prepare as I turn the volume up! 😉

  43. UniSyner says:

    Hi Mikalee,

    I have been reading your blog for quite a sometime. I love it and I love you for being a strong person and esp. the way you write your posts, it’s just amazing. It gives me the whole picture of you and most of all, your posts gives me the strength to be tougher. Please never shut up. 🙂

    You have a fan from Pakistan. 🙂

    and One More thing, You’re definitely going up by that legendary quote of yours, “with a brick”.

    Much Love.

  44. jennigetsit says:

    I just finished reading 3/4 of your blog. I enjoyed each and every one, but this one struck a real chord. I ahd no idea I was not alone. This may be redundant, because I left a similar comment about this story on another post, but this post is exactly what I am facing right now.
    I finished my first post at midnight and by 7am the next day I recieved a phone call from my lawyer. When I wrote it I never considered that he might be offended, afterall each word was the truth. I just share the story.
    My ass of a not soon enough ex husband has been trying for years to shut me up. My nickname in his family was bucket mouth. It was born the day I spoke with a close family friend about a rift that occured, after I was punched in the face by his brother, while I attempted to break up a fist fight they had in the entry of our family beach house. I kid you not. As you say, “You can’t make this shit up!” Hindsight dictates, I should have called the police, but that is another story. That was 6 years ago, the only physical manifestation of utter dysfunction, and only one of many stories I could share with you. For brevity’s sake, I will spare you.
    Back to the STFU section. I debated for days over this. I talked to friends and lawyers. I had just rediscovered my voice after 17 years of utter silence and dammit he can’t shut me up. I have wasted too many precious years walking on egg shells to turn back now.
    I will speak my truth, his ego be damned. This all happened before our babysitter of 14 years broke down and told me she slept with my dear spouse 5 years previous. They woke up my then 9 year old daughter who walked down the stairs and caught them. Again, no shit!
    I live in a whirlwind of chaos at present. He drops at least one bomb a day. I am a suvivor. I will not be silent any longer. For the past few weeks I have acquiesed from writing personal posts. I now ask myself why?
    You inspire me to continue what I set out to do, write my story. Purge this stuff and maybe help another person through their own muck along the way.
    You have a wonderful way with words. You are a strong woman, as am I! We will get through this! Hang in, keep writing, speak your truth!
    Jenni in Philadelphia

    • Mikalee Byerman says:

      How dare you talk to someone after breaking up a fist fight and getting punched in the face! How dare you not be just fine with your soon-to-be ex sleeping with your babysitter! The audacity…

      And yet again, a need for a sarcasm font…

      Wow, Jenni — just wow. There are so many stories that I’ve read and experienced on this blog that just make me shake my head in disbelief, and of course yours is clearly one. I can’t believe people — and yet I can, especially after my own brick and subsequent crazy aftermath.

      But we are strong, we have voices and we can speak the truth. Hell, we need to purge in order to heal. That’s part of the process. I wish you continued shouting from the rooftops and continued healing. I know I feel better, every day, thanks in large part to the support offered by blogging friends like you! I hope you find support in us as well.

      As they say, keep on keepin’ on… 🙂

  45. shinypigeon says:

    errrrr….Totally DON’T shut the frick up!
    You aren’t using names, apart from your own, so they can run and jump.
    This is your blog….boooohooo…if certain people read it and feel guilty/bad/embarrassed.
    Surely they shouldn’t be searching it out anyway?
    Hmmmmm…. ego much?

    • Mikalee Byerman says:


      I am telling the truth, I am not using names (even though I certainly have every right to … but I’m trying to be the big person here) and I have every right to tell my story. As do they, in fact…

      Ego? Yeah, I’d say that might be involved here. Just a bit. 😉

  46. Pixling says:

    I found your blog whilst a midst a grueling separation and divorce currently, and I am plastered to my screen reading your blogs! Thank you! I relate to your story on all levels especially this one. Since I started my blog – which only holds 5 posts so far – I have already been told to “shut the fuck up…”, your blog gave me courage to continue! “Don’t air your dirty laundry”… “why must you tell your story on such a public forum…” What it up with that???!!! Rhetorical, I know the answer, but why is it that other people think I don”t see it???? Awesome ‘scribing’… thx.

  47. The Guat says:

    This was hilarious. I’m so glad that you didn’t shut the fuck up because I love your blog. I love the 2.0 part too. It inspires me to be stronger and to try to find the funny side when batshit crazy things happen, because sometimes I’ll have have is relationship rage, sort of like road rage, except you don’t kill anyone with a car you just wish you’d given them the finger. Good post

  48. StrongerMe says:

    You are so much braver than I am. Of course, your ex seems like a moron, but not an abusive moron. Mine is a tad bit more scary. He wouldn’t attempt to silence my blog with legal terms. Just threats. [Shiver] I admire how brave you are!

If you do not leave a comment, you will further shatter my already broken spirit. If you can live with that guilt, so be it... ;)

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