Are You There, Justice? It’s Me, Mikalee.

I've heard rumor that justice exists. Still searching for evidence...

I don’t mean to alarm you: But there’s a good chance you don’t exist.

Yes, I mean you. And you. Yip, you too…

Before you go look in the mirror for evidence or pinch yourself to check for “proof pain,” please allow me to explain. And nope, this won’t be some totally out-of-character existential rant, promise.

But as a final step prior to my upcoming court date in the holy-crap-it’s-this-Monday-immediate future, I received a wicked awesome filing from the opposition…and it included this juicy little tidbit:

That's right. You're all "alleged." Sorry 'bout your luck and all that...

Hmmm. So it seems I’m imagining you all.

It appears the 52,000+ hits I’ve received in the past six months, the 2,000+ comments, the hundreds of subscribers, the multiple clients I’ve secured as a direct result of this blog, the people conducting daily Google searches for terms including “Mikalee Byerman blog,” “Shit divorce,” “Mikalee gynecologist stirrups” (???) and “penis tiara Me 2.0” — all figments of my overactive imagination.

Remember the TIME Magazine story that linked to my blog? Or the Yahoo News story? How about the visitors who found me through Huff Post Divorce or the San Francisco Chronicle?

Sheer fucking fantasy. All of it. Damn I’m good at this imagining business.

…and…did you happen to read in the above that my entire blog is “devoted to disparaging them constantly”? That I completely dramatize “every interaction” I have with John and Marilyn?

Huh. Didn’t realize that.

Well, I guess it’s true — if by “dramatized” they mean “recounted,” if by “disparaging them constantly,” they mean “highlighting real events backed up with concrete evidence” and if by “every interaction” they mean “about 1 out of every 1,000 or so interactions.”

So the abridged version of the paragraph above: Indeed, I recount details about real events that are backed up by evidence for about 1 out of every 1,000 or so interactions we’ve had in the past three years.

Sounds exactly right. Guilty as charged.

Funny thing is, I thought I had developed a community of support for people who find themselves recovering from a divorce, who are just embarking down that path, who are in the throes of it or who are simply enjoying this you-just-can’t-make-this-shit-up journey based on my real life — some of which involves my past, much of which does not.

I thought I was all about encouraging others to embrace their 2.0 versions, hence that silly little name “Me 2.0” and everything.

Oh well. Guess not. My bad.

I was under the impression that we were all here helping each other. That I was making a teensy-weensy difference one crazy little post at a time, offering a place for an open dialogue and some profound insights from an amazingly involved, engaged group. I even remember reading practically a shitload of comments to that effect (which, if you’re an avid blog follower — real or imagined — you’ll recall a shitload equates to 4,533, give or take)…including this one:

imaginecreation says:

March 8, 2011 at 7:50 pm

I’m happily married. I’ve read your blog, pretty much all of it. You have my empathy and my prayers. But I wanted to let you know that you also got me to thinking. As much as I don’t want to distrust my husband, who appears to be a steady rock (and probably is), I want to be prepared for the future. I never finished school . . . signed up today. I’ve been thinking a lot about finishing and now I’m moving forward in it . . . for me, for my two kids and for our family. If my husband were to do something like your ex and/or died (kinda prefer he died . . . though I’m not threatening, just sayin’) I would need a way to sustain us (kids and I). Right now I’m home full time with them and I enjoy it, but I credit your words giving me that final push towards a better future. Ok, didn’t mean to leave a heavy comment . . . =0) I love your writing!!

Clearly, this is a made-up comment from an alleged “reader” who has enrolled for some fabricated school. Stupid imagination…

But hey, wait a quick sec: Oh my GOD! Did you see the above commenter’s screen name? Perhaps it’s all true. Perhaps you’re all figments of my crazy imagination! Perhaps you’re all part of some elaborate fantasy I’ve conjured up over the course of the past six months!

If so, it’s been a doozy. And when I wake up from this dream Monday, and instead of heading to the courthouse, a towel-clad, seductively dewy Bobby Ewing emerges from my shower — well then, I guess that’s when seeing is believing.

But until then, I’m still searching for this glorious though elusive ideal, if she’s out there:

Is she surrounded by bricks? Seriously? What’s with all the brick imagery, anyhow? Oh yeah: It’s all in my head…(Photo by physis3141 and available through a noncommercial Creative Commons license. Allegedly.)

Any last-minute advice from the world’s greatest imaginary blogging community? Thoughts on your alleged existence or as serving as “an excuse” for my “bad behavior”? Anyone want to participate in a virtual roll call to see how many different identities I’m conjuring up here?

Oh wait. Seems I’m confusing myself with Kelly-Kathy-Dee-Happy-Sally-MARILYN

😉

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214 thoughts on “Are You There, Justice? It’s Me, Mikalee.

  1. O. Leonard says:

    Oh, we’re here all right. We exist. Tell them all to go to hell. I would demand that clause be stricken from the decree, period. Its literally (attempt at humor there) a joke. How could your well written descriptions of “made up” events be causing them so much pain? Is it because people they know are reading it, and they know it happened, it’s true, and you just can’t make this shit up.

    Good luck in court. Count me as one of the unalleged literary followers.

    • Mikalee Byerman says:

      I’m so grateful for your support! I keep going back to the Tiger/Elin Woods case. If they’d like me to stop writing, I have a price, and it’s nowhere near the reported $100 mil Elin received.

      I’d be happy with an affordable $99.5 mil. Give or take…

  2. Patrice Kyger says:

    They’ve hired a lawyer to write these allegations? That’s what they’re called, allegations, beginning with ” . . . which completely dramatizes” and ending with “. . . bad behavior.” I suggest they ask for their retainer fee to be returned, because whoever’s drafted this sounds better suited to scribing daytime dramas. (Where, oh, where is Susan Lucci when you need her?)

    “Completely”, “constantly”, “frankly” — gosh, can we move off Adverb Road?

    This is silly legalistic writing. If I were the judge, I’d harangue counsel for making me read it.

    Then I’d move on to the substance of their allegations, which is equally foolish. If they mean to allege that your blog, for example, is “devoted to disparaging . . . constantly”, they’d better have the facts before them. Unfortunately, that’s not possible, because constant disparagement is not what your blog’s about.

    They’ve got no smoking gun, no slippery slope, no leg to stand on, IMHO.

    • Mikalee Byerman says:

      Agreed completely. Unfortunately, the judge had not accessed the blog, so initially, she came out on attack mode against me … just a bit. Essentially, she suggested that there’s “no reason” to disparage them on a public forum.

      I agree. Disparagement is inherently untrue, by definition. So nope, I do not disparage.

      Anyhow, it all came out ok in the end. But there was even more Susan Lucci-caliber daytime drama offered by opposing counsel. Perhaps she should consider a second job?

  3. Harold says:

    All of us alleged ones are behind, beside and around you!
    I think Marilyn’s alleged mind is being used, allegedly too much. She shouldn’t abuse herself so. She is so worried about you! She ought to look in the mirror and look around her alleged world and try to keep that together first.

  4. astrawally says:

    So you are the creator, the man behind the curtain! Excellent post, I love it but You will know that as I am just an extension of your mind. I do wonder at people. You have my love and support.
    Much Love
    Astra Wally

    • Mikalee Byerman says:

      But I am, I am a whiz of a wiz, if ever a wiz there was…

      😉

      Yes, seems I’m pretty powerful, what with this great imagination and all. Too bad I can’t just imagine a life free of the drama!

  5. Asanti says:

    I, for one, am not a figment. I am merely an inspired reader wishing the best for you and your future.
    It never ceases to amaze me how some people are so completely blinded by their own narcissism. I’m sure you are constantly devoted to your children and their well-being and not just disparaging your ex. Someday I just hope he can recognize his own selfish behavior. People in glass houses…

    • Mikalee Byerman says:

      Well thank you for the kind wishes, and I hope your hope comes true. Some day. I can guarantee it won’t be soon, judging by how “bought in” to their own alternate reality these people are.

      But some day …

  6. salmart says:

    I just pinched myself & I’m definitely real. Yep. Sharp pain in upper forearm. White spots returning to red. Yep. Affirmative. Witnessed by husband. Also passed the pinch test as real.

    Just three little words to say & case over. First amendment rights. Luckily you live in the great US of A and you have every right to amuse us, challenge us, educate us, inspire us, uplift us, heal us & entertain us with your interesting life stories, your insights, your sharp wit and clever writing style.

    Now if you say LIES about the skinny salad maker and the ding bat writer of dubious love notes & brick buyer, now there’s a crime to be tested by the laws of the land. If they can PROVE you are writing libelous, defamatory (untrue) remarks you are THEN breaking a law.

    Writing a very funny & interesting blog about life & reinvention (not about them duh) wasn’t a crime last time I looked. The fact that it is outrageously popular (allegedly popular) shows it has huge public value & appeal. (Which a blog about them wouldn’t have!)

    If you need proof we exist, I am happy to be contacted, or provide some proof, if that might help in any way. But seriously, it can’t be necessary, as it is a ridiculously childish clause, (she’s picking on me, mommy), which the request bof surely weakens their legal case.

    I see NO CHANCE of stopping you blogging. Now THAT would be a crime!

    • Mikalee Byerman says:

      Sorry ’bout the white spots and sharp pain and all. But I for one appreciate the proof!

      And you’re absolutely right: disparagement inherently means “untrue,” which none of this is. So bring the civil suit, baby. Bring it!

      (Well, after having gone through the other case thingie just the other day, maybe give me a week or two to recover?)

      I’ll keep your name and email handy in case I need to have you subpoenaed. It would make for a fun little international jaunt, no?

      Thanks for the support, as always. “Skinny salad maker and the ding bat writer of dubious love notes & brick buyer”: Awesome. ‘Nuff said…

  7. Senseyouregone says:

    Told you I was “alleged” until they tell me otherwise. Still glad you imagined me up over here, though. Now if you could imagine some $ for me, and a dependable car….

    Today was the first phone call I had w/my stepson where he didn’t tell me he loved me when we hung up the phone. Believe it or not, I’ve been ready for some of these firsts. As horrible as that is, and not directly correlative to your blog, just reading here does let me know I’m not alone. You’ve imagined up a lot of other good company to come and post here, too.

    Nice job, MIKALEE! 🙂

    • Mikalee Byerman says:

      You’re welcome. I’ll work on the money and car — seems I have many similar requests in the bin these days. I must be shitty at conjuring up rich people.

      I’m glad (???) for the milestone, though it sounds like it’s still very painful. And yes, you’re NOT alone. Many of us can relate, and we’re here to help.

      Best of luck with reaching those other milestones. In due time, right?

  8. cclester says:

    ‘MIKALEE’s excuses for this include her need to vent about her divorce, her first amendment rights, and her alleged literary following, but frankly, these are all excuses for bad behaviour’ …. are John and Marilyn representing themselves? I have a law degree, and have never once been taught to write in such a bitchy fashion … it’s COMPLETELY inappropriate in a legal document.
    This would all be farcical, if it weren’t costing you countless extra hours in legal fees 😦
    C-C xxx (PS I’m a real person … honest 😉 )

    • Mikalee Byerman says:

      Well, thank you for your very real legal opinion … and nope, they’ve retained counsel.

      If you can believe it (I’m quite sure you can…), it seems Marilyn is now working for said counsel. Birds of a feather and all…

      • Joyce says:

        bwahahaha. Marilyn is now working for her attorney? Using her superior writing, spelling and punctuation skills? Wonder how long before she starts posting legal opinions on her bo

  9. littlejl says:

    Oh my goodness…the absurdity! (loved the post by the way! 😉

    You need to have that stipulation removed–I hope you didn’t agree to that. It looks like not because you are still writing.

    So, I am just curious…your husband leaving you for this woman wasn’t “bad” behavior? How does one rightfully handle his/their ‘bad’ behavior? It is okay for him to move in–marry another woman and flaunt it around town? Was it ever added to your divorce papers; that they CANNOT be seen together in the public eye, they CANNOT live together, they CANNOT marry, they WILL NOT get your kids involved? Do they really think that they can just break up a family and brutally hurt a woman emotionally and intend to come out smelling like roses?

    If they don’t like the people who they have become–which to me, is what you are writing about, then they need to either A) change their ways or B) STOP reading it!

    OH…this just makes my blood boil. What planet are these people living on?

    They break up your marriage, cause pain to you emotionally and not to mention what your kids probably have gone through…now they want to take away YOUR freedom of SPEECH? They have already broken your heart and probably your peace of mind (God knows it would mine!) and now they want to take away your freedom of speech?! These people have seriously gone mad!

    Stay strong lady! Justice is YOU fighting for your rights. Mikala Justice–I will speak my mind…so zip it! 😉

    I’m rootin’ for ya!

    • Mikalee Byerman says:

      I would argue they are from the planet crazy. Population: 2.

      Thank you for the support and perspective. You made the very point we made in court: If they don’t like the blog, then they need to stop accessing it!

      But we all know it’s one of Marilyn’s absolute FAVORITE guilty pleasures…

    • Heather says:

      I have to say that this is the first of the comments that I was looking for. What about FREEDOM OF SPEECH????? That is a constitutional right given to each and every person. If they were to allow that ammendment and enforce it, that would be some serious proof that justice does NOT exist in this country anymore. I’ve been wondering that myself lately with all the mediators completely ignoring the documentation that they ask you to provide of the incidences that cause concern and think they know what’s best. And when and who decided that it wasn’t about what’s best for the CHILD anymore? Sorry for the random tangent… lol

      • Mikalee Byerman says:

        …not a tangent at all, I think. This absolutely speaks to the issue at hand. Truth is the ultimate defense, so if they’d like to sue me for libel, then bring it: I have truth on my side. But the problem is, going through family court, all they care about is whether or not either parent is a meth addict or a prostitute. If not, then “split the baby in half.” And you better not be talking about the other parent in a public forum…shame on you!

        Seriously, this is ridiculous. First Amendment be damned. I’m glad I ultimately was able to keep the blog going, but it was doubtful for a while…

  10. Susan says:

    When I think of how destroyed, damaged and broken I was, on first realizing my (alleged) best friend was not there for me in my biggest time of need, because he was in fact, the CAUSE of this devastating turmoil, and was now instead sidling up intimately to his new love, a woman I had never even heard of. The feelings of betrayal, sadness, grief, jealousy, anger, angst & fear are indescribable and not possibly understood by anyone who has not had that happen to them.

    If only, I’d had Mikalee’s blog (and her amazing ‘alleged’ friends) to help me through. I would have had hope & support to see light at the end of the darkest of tunnels. I had very good friends (not alleged) who got me through. I don’t know what I would have done without them. Anyone who has their most intimate friend betray them in that way NEEDS support!!

    Keep it coming Mikalee, not only for the alleged people who you have helped immeasurably & beyond words already, but those poor unsuspecting souls with this ahead of them. They need you!! (And us, because, what do you know, we really do exist!)

    • Mikalee Byerman says:

      Wow, Susan…wow. You’re so right about how indescribable the pain is, and yet ironically, I think you did an amazing job describing it! I, too, wish I had something like the community offered through this blog to help me through my darkest days. And that’s exactly why, 3.5 years later, I am here telling my story.

      Many of those who are betrayed — man or woman — feel lost, desperately sad and decimated. But they don’t deserve to feel alone, and I’m doing my best to help any way I can.

      If someone had told me three years ago I’d feel as I do now, I woulda shook me head at them in total disbelief. But I’ve never been happier or healthier.

      …and I’m so glad you’re here as well. Continued healing, Susan…

  11. itneverrainsinseattle says:

    Well, since you’re asking for last minute advice, I’ll offer this:

    The filing you cite above reads like it was written by a third-grader. I hope you are going in armed with good legal advice. Maintain your composure. Stay calm and cool; be the adult.

    And no matter how tempting, do not insist that the judge add “I know you are, but what am I?” to the proposed non-disparagement clause.

    –A real reader in Seattle

    • Mikalee Byerman says:

      Advice received and followed. Thank you!

      In addition to the clause you’ve proposed, I also refrained from filing a statement that simply offered, “Nuh-uh!” I was tempted, because I was waiting for the third grade “Yuh-huh!” response that inevitably would have followed.

      Perhaps next time…

  12. Dana says:

    I’m a new subscriber, but I can already sense a large, supportive community on this here blog. Does my initial impression mean that I have caught your delusional disease, too? 🙂

    I agree with an earlier comment– if they have such an issue with your blog, they can always, oh, I don’t know– STOP READING IT. Seems simple to me.

    Good luck on Monday– we’ll all be rooting for you. (Imaginatively and/or imaginar-ily)

    I think, therefore I am (??) RIGHT?

    • Mikalee Byerman says:

      Mwahahaha…she’s drinking the Kool Aid, gang! Another convert. Your sunglasses will be in the mail shortly…

      Thank you for the new support (welcome, BTW!) and for your great comment. I can’t tell you how much your imaginitive or imaginary cheering means to me!

  13. mamanne says:

    Makes me think of Suess’s “Horton”…. all of us Who’s are yelling “we are here, we are here, we are here!!” Yup. We exist, even if that kangaroo thinks we don’t.

  14. elysianhunter says:

    I would certainly hope that the judge in your case is familiar with the First Amendment. You’re not naming names or spreading falsehoods, so they don’t have an argument for slander. If telling the truth damages someone’s reputation that’s tough noogies for them.
    I am certainly pulling for you. Even though I am stranded here in beautiful Central Ohio (better known as fly-over country) I am still very real! Hang tough!

  15. Phouka says:

    Er–I don’t see how your blog is entirely about them. Sure, they come up, and sure, they’re ultimately the reason for your reinvention (or at least the catalyst), but the blog really ain’t about them. And if we’re all “alleged” readers, WTF are they so concerned about you writing this for? Eeshkadoodles–talk about contradicting yourself.

    At any rate–I look forward to your blog entries because they brighten my day. And, the last I checked, I am real. (I even have the entries on RateMyProfessor to prove it!)

    • Mikalee Byerman says:

      “Catalyst” is the perfect word … and ultimately, while they do inspire some discussion on this blog, it is only because of the very situations they create. I’m simply recounting and sharing so that people in similar situations (and I know they’re out there) realize they’re not alone!

      I’m so glad I can sometimes brighten your day — just as you have mine. 🙂

  16. Susan says:

    I’m not at all worried for you, because it’s crystal clear (not alleged) that you are WAY WAY too smart for them. Smack! They won’t see it coming!! Roll on Monday!!

    • Mikalee Byerman says:

      Well, you can imagine how startled I am! I must have a pretty damn vivid imagination, cuz I’m doing a whole lot of responding to comments here. Hmmm…

      Thanks for reading, Terri!

  17. Maggie says:

    Holy sheep! Girl, we’re out here and we’re real. We’re disgusted by the behavior of the two who seem to want to make you disappear. I hope the judge gives them the hell they both deserve. I’m real over here in Missouri, I know because I just stubbed my toe and it hurts.

  18. Lee says:

    hmmmm….I have imaginary friends, but as far as I know they can’t read. I got something like this from my ex’s wife. Telling me that I bad mouth him all over the internet, but that I was such a powerful blogger that she wanted to ask me to stop personally. HA. Badmouthing is hardly the same thing as telling the truth, and toning that truth down about 1000% as is the case with what I do. How pathetic and ridiculous that they feel instead of coming up with anything viable, they pick on your blog. Keep doing what you are doing. You are wonderful and your writing is wonderful and you are inspiring. Fuck em. Read this Marilyn….Fuck you and your feathers.

    • Mikalee Byerman says:

      Absolutely right. They are claiming “disparagement,” which at its core translates to “false information.” What I’ve shared here is the truth — all verifiable.

      So I’m assuming you were able to shut up the ex’s wife, too?

  19. groovyrick says:

    People blog about their lives, plain and simple…and this is your life. If writing this entertaining and resourceful blog helps you and others heal a little from a traumatic experience, where’s the harm in that? Good Lord, why can’t people just live and let live? In all the days I’ve been on this earth, there are some things I guess I’ll just never understand.
    Good luck on Monday…can’t wait to read about it on Tuesday.

  20. Elizabeth says:

    Never let em’ see ya sweat! You make me proud. Standing tall until the very day..good will rule, and I believe Ms. Justice will prevail!

  21. Pat Butler says:

    Their request is too much and is laughable,,,,,,,except for the fact that it requires you to deal with it in court,,,,,,,,,,,,,,dealing with it in your blog brings laughter to all of us ‘alleged’ readers,,,,,,,,,,and thats definately something we can always use more of in this world!
    Good luck on monday and know that you will be surrounded by cyber love and we will all be rooting for you,
    pat

    • Mikalee Byerman says:

      As they say, laughter is the best medicine.

      Seems we’re all getting a heaping dose courtesy of my crazy life!

      Thank you so much for the cyber love — I feel very special. 🙂

  22. Redneckprincess says:

    You go girl!!!! Good luck with the hearing on Monday…We will all be thinking about you in our little imaginary worlds 🙂 But really…all the best, I am sending you all the positive energy I can find!!!

  23. Crystal says:

    I am definitely only an imaginary figure… So I suppose the little imaginary document might not help you Monday….. oh, wait that was for real! No one can just make this Crazy S*** up! Unfortunately, that’s why they want you (and everyone) to be quiet. Everyone knows Fairy tales don’t have court rooms in them. 😉 Geez ..lol.. I do pray they still have justice though. Your judge is a very good one from what I have heard. I am sure she will see through all the B.S. I hope it all comes to a positive outcome soon! Remember, tolerance is the virtue of a person without conviction.

    • Mikalee Byerman says:

      Well, if you’re imaginary, then I’ve been talking to myself at baseball games. And that kind of behavior can’t help my case…

      Thank you for the support — I’m glad that hoop was successfully jumped through. Now onto the next…

  24. monicastangledweb says:

    Whatever you do, stand your own. Yes, we’re here and clearly we’re not going away. This blog is your right to write and they don’t have a leg to stand on. Are you sure they aren’t the figments of your imagination, part of some bad dream? Ewww. Make ’em go away! And remember, this too shall pass.

    • Mikalee Byerman says:

      I WISH it were all a bad dream. But alas, I did actually have a dream last night about getting married while a man carried a shovel around dripping shit. Literal shit. I shit you not.

      Hence, unless I’m dreaming within a dream all “Inception” style, then the shit wedding was a dream; the courtroom drama, reality.

      😦

      Thank you for the comment, Monica!

  25. kadja1 says:

    I will retain more water from drinking sodas than their allegations will in court for the simple fact that SHE is posting her own crap and trying to mimick your own blog! IF she really felt as she did, she would not have responded at all, and she certainly wouldn’t have used several phony names to do so. Her behavior is what the judge needs to address. They certainly cannot prove you have damaged their ways to earn income or anything so I don’t think they have a leg to stand on.

    You have the right to freedom of speech. You are a writer and it is all about perception. IF their perceptions had any merit, they would have obtained an immediate cease and desist order, but they know it doesn’t. Don’t settle unless every part pertaining to an infringment of your first ammendment rights is removed. You can prove you are a writer–and if it just happens to be autobiographical and such, that is their tough luck. They live in an adult world and he should have thought of the consequences before he betrayed you in the first place…Yes you read that correctly–that is MY sentiment. If I were the judge, they’d both be toast. HE should have thought about what his actions might cost him BEFORE he walked out the door and engaged in an extramarital affair.

    If I were the attorney I’d stick her a** on the stand and grill her publicly in front of a JURY. I’ll bet they don’t want 12 people to hear what she’s pulled–especially about undermining your authority and the extramarital affair that wrecked your marriage. Just have your lawyer make sure none of them are in those “father’s rights” groups that tend to have articles like those others discussed earlier…Please keep me posted.

    • Mikalee Byerman says:

      You’re absolutely right — this is First Amendment at its core. The judge seemed not as concerned about that as the potential for all of this material to “come back and haunt me and/or the kids,” but regardless, she came down on the right side. And if they don’t like what I’m writing, I’m sure I can expect a civil suit at some point in the not-so-distant future!

      The bigger issue here is that she (the judge) hadn’t read the blog, which means she’s only understanding things from the perspective of the Ex’s attorney, who painted the picture that I’m constantly engaged in disparagement here. Anyone who reads with any regularity knows that’s certainly not the truth. Do I write tongue-in-cheek with a bit of a bite? Absolutely. Do I tell the truth? Of course. Would I allow my kids access to this info? Not willingly, but I have to think that some day, this will all be info they’ll have the right to understand. In an appropriate way, of course.

      Thanks so much for the great comment!

  26. Mom and Papa says:

    Dear Daughter, You, and we are very, very real, and we, as your parents are so very proud of you, and your writing. From the moment your ex left, and moved in with his now wife, we have watched you slowly emerge into the amazing, confident 2.0 version of yourself today. Your blog is inspirational to so many, and you always speak the truth. There are many things not written about, and this is to your credit. From the beginning of the end, you asked us as your parents to not disparage THEM in any way for the sake of the children. Still honoring this, we will say that it’s been very difficult not to speak up, especially after reading some of the stuff in the court documents. We will always be there for you honey, and will always be so very proud to be your parents, and your friends. Stay strong, and feel the LOVE. mom and papa

    • Susan says:

      This post stood out from all the other posts as all the others are us all sharing & supporting Mikalee. THIS one is showing us all WHY. (Tear) We (& Mikalee) just want to be good parents, no, AWESOME parents lilke you! WE want to give and get back and be YOU. Good luck MIkalee being a parent like yours. We know you will be. And your reward will be to feel like your parents do, many years from now. Thanks so much for sharing Mom & Pappa.

    • Mikalee Byerman says:

      Aw shucks. If you could all see me, you’d see that I’m beaming with pride: Now all of my amazing readers can now see that I also have amazing parents! 🙂

      I know how difficult this has been for you both, and I thank you for helping me take the high road — even when the low road was accessible and convenient and so damn tempting. There are a TON of things I haven’t written about … you’re absolutely right. And you both are among the only people in the world who have a healthy big-picture image here — and I’m so glad you feel like I’m doing the right thing.

      I love you both with all of my heart. Thank you for being such amazing role models…and thank you for being there for me during the hearing. Even if you were stuck outside of the courtroom — dying of curiosity…and dying to pee!

      😉

  27. Jennifer Avventura says:

    Oh we exsist all right. I look forward to your posts they help put my marriage into prespective; as I’ve been handed some rotten lemons in the last few days. Good luck on monday, Ill be rooting for you.

    • Mikalee Byerman says:

      Oh no. 😦

      Jennifer, we’re here for you if you need to vent. And please feel supported, because you do have friends who can completely relate — even remote, virtual ones.

      Thank you for the kind words and positive vibes. Please feel some coming back your direction,

      Mikalee

    • Mikalee Byerman says:

      Perhaps the potential that you might exist, at some point in the future?

      Good point, however. It’s the same kind of irony that has them trying to shut down my blog while leaving five comments under five identities. I’m no expert, but I’m thiking there may be a little bit of crazy going on here…

    • Mikalee Byerman says:

      Ass appropriately kicked. Excellent advice, my blogging friend.

      And I’ll admit that mine got kicked a bit, too. No one’s ass went unkicked…

      Thanks for the luck — I think it helped!

  28. tanner24 says:

    Well I’m actually quite relieved to find out that I’m imaginary. That means everything about me is imaginary, including my job. Which, of course, means that I don’t have to spend my weekend writing imaginary lessons for my imaginary class! Thank you! Thank you! Thank you!

    And good luck on Monday….your imaginary followers will be with you in spirit!

  29. caseykayb says:

    Wow, I always thought we were living in the locker of some larger universe’s train station, a la “Men In Black.” Being a part of someone else’s imagination is even cooler. Wait, if I’m part of your imagination, does that mean I don’t have to worry about all those bills due next week? Phew!

    By the way, I found Marilyn’s blog. She calls YOU the insane one? She must be even crazier than you say here… Good luck on Monday!

    ~Casey Kay~

    • Mikalee Byerman says:

      Oh, Casey Kay, the stories I could tell you about Marilyn…

      Even about her blog. It’s chock-full of crazy, and yet I refrain.

      Thanks for the luck!

      Your very sane blogging friend,

      Mikalee

  30. Damian Trasler says:

    Blimey, what a start to the weekend, finding out I don’t exist! Maybe I shoulda slept in after all. Since we’re an alleged following, does that make you an Alligator? (I mean, someone who litigates is a Litigator, so someone who alleges….)

    Look, if this continues, let’s all get together and have a March for Mikalee. Round and round the courtroom, if His Honour needs convincing. Then anyone who thinks we’re all imaginary can lie down in the way, because if we’re not there, they won’t get even the tiniest bit trampled to a pulp, will they?

    • Mikalee Byerman says:

      Well luckily, the March for Mikalee proved unnecessary — but as I shared, I certainly felt you all there in spirit!

      And yes, I’m an alligator. Or an allegator. And I must admit to laughing out loud at that one…

      Thanks for the virtual support, Damian!

  31. markp427 says:

    Err…crap. I had no idea they were onto me.

    I created a fake blog full of fake adventures involving fake tortilla chips shaped like U.S. states (I mean really, could that ever happen?!) just to go along with my fake alter ego I designed to leave you comments. I just always assumed I’d get away with it….

  32. Shawn Griffin says:

    Wow … this falls simply into those categories of “You aren’t going to believe this shit” or “There is no fucking way that this really happened” or “I never thought I’d write your maga …” …

    Oops, sorry that comment was starting to go in the wrong direction.

    I’m so sorry Mikalee. This is truly f#$%ed up.

    Stand strong on your First Amendment rights! My wife and I were talking about your blog today. It is very rare that you find someone as talented as yourself that can communicate in such biting satire, wit, cynicism, and sarcasm yet still display those shining moments of optimism.

    Love the blog!

    It’s real.

    Hell, it’s so real that you can smell the emotions … the pain, the anguish, the betrayal, and then realize the hope that is your future.

    Write on ME 2.0! Your voice is too talented and important not to continue.

    By the way, the filing is for a “BLOG” … that doesn’t mean you can’t still TWEET about those two jackasses.

    🙂

    • Mikalee Byerman says:

      Mr. Griffin, you are brilliant: The judge clearly indicated that any/all limitations to result from the case (and there weren’t many, I promise) only pertain to the blog.

      That was a CYA move for me because I have a feeling (wishful thought it might be) that there is a book in my future!

      Thank you for the kind feedback. I’m glad you can smell my emotions. I hope you’d call them “fragrant” rather than “odorous.” 😉

  33. MJ says:

    I am not a figment! I am an avid reader ever since I read about your blog in HuffPo.

    I love your blog, your openness, your wit, your willingness to share your life with such an amazing writing style!

    I am the reader who is “simply enjoying this you-just-can’t-make-this-shit-up journey based on [your] real life.”

    Good luck to you and don’t let them get you down..

    Hugs to your mom and dad…such a sweet post from them!

    • Mikalee Byerman says:

      Thank you so much, MJ — your comment is appreciated more than you know!

      I do have a pretty darn cool mom and dad — I consider myself exceptionally blessed. And they have been total life-savers for me during this journey, that’s for sure…

      🙂

  34. kadja1 says:

    Hey! If I’m not real–you know what that means? THINK about it! It means someone really dumb stole my identity because if that’s the case, they can keep my sucky credit scores too! LMAO!

  35. John says:

    Je pense, donc je suis. I think.

    Good luck. I think you should enter the proceedings with that crappy “Final Countdown” song (Europe?) blaring, much like Gob Bluth.

  36. yourimaginaryfriend.Crystal says:

    I could understand the motion for the order more if it wasn’t for the fact that this is the pot calling the kettle black. I am sure when you started a blog as a writer, you didn’t know it would turn into a competition or lead to a case of a stolen identity. ( I don’t really see anything wrong with her wanting to be a writer, but to claim something like this does take a degree, If you want to be taken seriously.)

    I am going a little off topic here but you will get my point at the end;

    I try so hard to be respectful and am nice to those who are with me. I don’t hold on to much negativity. I believe I must ask God to help me forgive others on a daily basis. That doesn’t mean I can forget. 🙂 This does not make me “fake” though just because I may make polite small talk. ( Sorry, I am just a grown up.) If I don’t really like someone I won’t invite them into my life and they won’t ever become a friend. I can’t and won’t pretend to like and agree with some one I don’t. I just don’t have it in me to be childish and mean in public. But, knowing all you know about someone and how they can be nice one day and then have a voodoo doll made of you the next is tough. It makes it harder to ever be able to see a positive future, knowing you have to deal with this type of crap daily. So how do you get it all out in a way that gives you a perspective outside of your own? You Blog! You are not forcing others to read it, hell you probably don’t always want “others” to read it. What is more harmful to a person? being referred to by some one in a negative way or having someone come into your personal diary(so to speak) and exploiting it in their own way, by mocking you with it then telling you to stop writing about all the bad parts of your life..Because why ??? umm.. They caused it.?? I have a better solution.. it would help everyone.. STOP giving Mikalee a reason to have to blog about the crazy.. You can’t Make this S** Up .. in the first place! Just a thought from a subconscious imagination .. And Don’t ever expect to be taken seriously if you battle something you say is wrong by doing it yourself! Just because you play with words or scenarios doesn’t mean your not doing the same thing! Think before you act, think about what you may have done to cause someone pain. Tell them you are sorry, try to make it right, Grow the H . E. L .L Up! Stop trying to take and learn to give back. If you choose to steal something it will never really be yours! Let Mikalee have her 2.0 life and her blog. Go have yours and try to make the best of it all by not trying to cause anymore pain. Don’t read someones blog and then try to take it away because you don’t like what they have to say!!! JUST STOP READING IT! Hope again court goes well Mikalee, I will be praying that day for the best future for everyone, most importantly all the kids!

    • Mikalee Byerman says:

      Thank you, imaginary friend Crystal. Your thoughts are right on the mark.

      Here’s the deal: I’m telling the truth, all verified and supported by evidence and real. I do have a right. Do I hope to send messages to the others through this venue? Nope. I couldn’t care less if they never read another word – and I encourage them not to do so. My readership is strong enough not to be greatly impacted by losing these hits!

      I certainly don’t want to focus on negativity, and I hope that my readers see that there is a combination here of real life (told tongue-in-cheek) and a very positive embracing of the future. I am happy, I love my life — I just wish my children were as protected, safe and happy as I’d like. That’s one of those areas that I’ve had to come to terms with…but I’ll never stop fighting to make that a reality.

      Thanks for being such a great figment of my imagination. I know you can relate so well, and I’m lucky to be able to benefit from your perspective.

  37. mountfordestate says:

    I for one very much exist. We have the wine and the current hetic harvest to prove it. And I sure hope you exist as I have proudly been telling all I know about you and your blog since you made my first real not spam comment!!

    • Mikalee Byerman says:

      Hmm…seems to me the only way you could allay my fears that you may indeed be imaginary would be to send me a sample of your harvest. Just sayin’…

      😉

      Thank you for being here — I’m so glad you are. And I wish you luck with the current hectic harvest. I can only imagine!

  38. Debra Colby-Conklin says:

    I love imaginary blogging, court hearings, husbands, children and an imaginary life! That way it can go exactly how I want it to….my imagination lets wonderful happy things happen to me, whereas those people that piss me off usually get killed off….in less than ideal ways! It’s almost as good as making it up as we go along!

    Good luck!

  39. Richard Allen says:

    hate to be the one to say it, but you gotta be careful here. I am sure their lawyer will do anything to make sure this particular clause gets included. Why? Money. If you eventually sign something like this and say even the smallest thing on the blog about whats his face, i am sure they will come back and try to sue you. please watch yourself here. for all we know, they are already preparing a civil suit and then it just gets ugly from there. not all the Charlie Sheen tiger blood will make that suit go away as I am sure those douche bag lawyers will try to squeeze every penny out of you all.

    Regardless if its true are not is not the issue. I’ve seen cases go to court for things like blogs and sadly, the blogger in most cases has to stop posting about them or face further legal action and even remove posts that reference them, even in the slightest. The Cobra Kai’s got your back, but even they can drop kick a lawsuit out of the way.

    • Mikalee Byerman says:

      Thank you so much for the great feedback here — I’m fortunate to have a wonderful lawyer who really made sure to protect my interests in the proceeding.

      And you’re absolutely right, a civil suit may be next. But disparagement inherently implies “falsehood,” and since I can verify all that I write, I feel fairly comfortable. You’ll notice the word “fairly,” considering you just never know…

  40. Lindsay Dunn says:

    Well, if justice does indeed exist (an idea which I am not fully convinced of) I couldn’t ever be lead to believe she’s truly blind. With that, we are all seen in the light with which we hold over our own heads. They cannot hide their motives in this situation and especially not in a court of law. Their embarrassment and shame is so obviously their driving force with this, it’s pathetic. I’m so sorry that they would condescend to try to thwart your progressive insight into the world of divorce and overcoming personal crisis. It isn’t right, plain and simple. The funniest and perhaps saddest part of all of this is that they really, actually think this whole thing is about them. The divorce, the children, your journey, the blog- everything. It’s as though they are just THAT self-centered as to assume that they victims in this. That they have been wronged or they have to fight you for some kind of control. It’s very telling the way they push and defend themselves. As if we didn’t know it before- it’s reaffirms the fact that you are the bigger person in every way. It isn’t like you’d ever try to shut down Marilyn’s faux blog and she really IS committing a crime against taste and blogging everywhere.

    In short- you’re a saint and I love you. Don’t let their attempts to infringe on your rights scare you or get you down. It’s not like a judge would even consider it.

    • Mikalee Byerman says:

      Well Lindsay, you were right in many ways and wrong in one way in your assessment.

      The judge did consider shutting my blog down. But only because she lacked context — or at least real context. Since she hadn’t read the blog, the Ex and his mouthpiece tried to paint the picture that my blog is all about disparaging them … but as you noted, that couldn’t be further from the truth.

      But you are so right about their motives — and my motives. And I couldn’t care less about what Marilyn has to “write” on her blog. She has called me all kinds of names, and accused me of crap, and said countless pointless things that are intended to hurt me. Have I once threatened to shut her down, or would I even consider it? Absolutely not. I know there is zero legitimacy or power underscoring her words. She has no following, and I can’t imagine she gets a lot of real traffic (the kind that digs into her content, not just “hits” that accidentally happened upon her page and then quickly go away, never to return).

      Bottom line: She has no power over me.

      Thank you so much for the love and encouragement — it’s all SO much appreciated!

  41. Gavin says:

    As usual a lawyer has made some extra money by adding that bit of NONSENSE in to the final clause. This is nothing more than b.s. He fluffed it up for the ex and his wreck of a wife, he knows the judge will throw it out, however he figures he will make some extra cash dotng on your ex. Good luck in court.

  42. alambert9010 says:

    I wish you the best of luck Monday. I just happened to stumble upon your blog a few days ago. I really enjoy reading it, for its really the only way I know I am not alone in the divorce process.

    • Mikalee Byerman says:

      You ARE not alone — none of us who has been down this path is! It’s amazing how many similar stories I hear, and it’s about time we all share our fears, our concerns, our observations, our strengths and our tips for getting through it all. That’s all part of the reason I’m here.

      Welcome to our community – I hope to see you around here again, and I thank you for the luck!

  43. ridleymocki says:

    Well I’m pretty sure we’re all real! Any objections? Okay cool.
    Also, seriously what is the deal with this lawsuit? In my opinion, (though I may be young and possibly jaded, oh well, its still valid) all these things happened to you too, not just to them. Ergo, you have every right to talk about YOUR experiences as much as you like.

    You have a huge network of supporters here, and kudos!
    R.

    • Mikalee Byerman says:

      Well, I won’t object to your being real. It actually serves me better if you are — that just means I’m not making up false comments and posting them all about. Now that would be pathetic, huh? 😉

      Yes, there is this pesky little thing called the First Amendment that allows me to tell my story. And there’s also this even peskier thing called the truth — both of which I’m employing here.

      Thanks for being part of my crazy-cool network of supporters — I’m so grateful!

  44. Salmart says:

    Go get ’em girl. It’s gonna be mighty crowded in there, with us all of us by your side. We feel for you, care about you, wish for good things for you.. heck.. OK, we LOVE you!! there I’ve said it now….

    Please justice, be there for her. She’s one straight up, warm, honest, interesting, funny, caring, hell of a gal and none of this shit stuff is her doing.

    Go big, or go home Justice!!!!

    • Mikalee Byerman says:

      Aw, geez…you had to go and use the “L” word, didn’t ya?

      😉

      Actually, despite my commitment fears, I’ll go ahead and say it: I love you guys, too!

      I felt so supported Monday — like I had a virtual cheering section right there in the courtroom with me. Salmart — you were one of the cheer captains, trust me.

      Thank you, thank you, THANK YOU!

    • Mikalee Byerman says:

      Well, if that’s true, she was feeling “ok” on that day…as the proceeding went “ok” for me.

      And I agree. It also depends on the cases on her docket, the cases before mine, and the cases after. I can imagine she sees/hears a lot of crap, so my crap may or may not be relevant crap given the context.

      Thanks for the luck!

  45. maggie says:

    I love reading your blogs. You are inspirational! I was with someone for 9 years and never would have thought he would cheat, but sure enough he did. I applaud you in efforts for promoting the cheaters of the world by starting with your life. If more women with get on board perhaps we could prevent future divorces. Men are given to many choice and women love a challenge. If someone is married back off and find that terrific single guy not one that is taken.

    Maggs

    • Mikalee Byerman says:

      I’m so sorry for your pain, Maggie — and I can definitely relate. I was firmly entrenched in the camp of “Shit no, he’ll NEVER cheat on me.”

      Um. Oops.

      Thanks for the encouragement. I’ll keep writing if you guys keep reading and commenting. Deal? Deal!

  46. lexy3587 says:

    I always wanted to be an imaginary friend.
    Wait… no… that’s not quite right. I wanted to HAVE an imaginary friend. Can a figment have an imaginary friend? If not, can I BE your imaginary friend? makes me feel more solid 🙂

  47. sperm donors wife says:

    Oh, I’ve got lots of legal allegations of “grossly inappropriate” behavior, inappropriately put before a judge too in legal court “declarations”. It was out right slander ! I was not even allowed to sue over this, or defend myself against those colorful false characterizations.. because it was done in a court room !
    But guess what… if people allege things before a kangaroo, oops “family” court; they don’t need any proof or evidence. The GAME is to color the landscape to get a judge’s sympathy. That is the end strategy.
    I’m going to soon list for you the outragous allegations on my blog, so you see how the lawyers play the GAME. It is all straight out of the Hoor defense manual for justifying their “bad behavior”. Realize the outrageous allegations they make about you are really a reflection of what ” THEY have been doing, behind the scenes” !!!!

  48. Sayuri says:

    How can two people be so frickin’ annyoing. I’m already excited for them to break up again. Cause they will. If they were happy they wouldn’t let anything get between them. But some people just tend to screw their lives up over and over again. Just keep blogging. I wish you the strength to put up with that shit that they unnecessarily put you through.

    • Mikalee Byerman says:

      Hahaha! I love it — I so appreciate that you find them frickin’ annoying, too!

      Given that they’re totally star-crossed lovers (puke), I seriously don’t think they’ll ever break up again — and in many ways, I can only hope they don’t. Because now my children are in their home half the time, and I never want my kids to see the dissolution of another marriage. Can’t imagine the therapy issues that would inspire.

      Thank you for the kind comment, Sayuri!

  49. Ashley says:

    Does the unattractive twit not have her own blog? From what I was able to deduce from her silly shitous second-rate Woman’s Day ripoff website, SHE is attacking you as well. Where’s that clause?

    Good luck with all of it, and (taking some license from “Pump up the Volume”) WRITE HARD.

    • Mikalee Byerman says:

      Indeed, she does. And you’ll notice I did NOT counter with my own “non-disparagement” clause, because I couldn’t care LESS what she writes about me. To care means I acknowledge she has a following or power, of which she has neither.

      Thanks so much for the luck, Ashley!

  50. Deb says:

    Just another comment from an “alleged reader”… hang in there. I am happily married nearly 30 years to a man with a history/family/ex but enjoy writing to vent about my extended “step” drama which continues even now . Too bad there wasn’t a way we could all show up in court for moral support.

    • Mikalee Byerman says:

      I felt you all there beside me, Deb — seriously, I did! Thank you so much for being an alleged reader. Allegedly.

      Have you blogged about your step drama? I’d love to read it…

  51. Heidi says:

    Thinking of you today and imagining a world in which you do not have to jump through any legal hoops to live your life and protect your kids.

    Thank you for imagining me up with a pretty darn good life in spite of some crazy shit. I am going to imagine you with a glass of wine and some peace this evening. Cheers!

    • Mikalee Byerman says:

      Damn, Heidi…your imagination is pretty perceptive. I can imagine I had an imaginary glass of wine or two Monday night. You’re good!

      Thank you for the support — as always…

  52. MissKay says:

    Dangit, if I’m apart of the “alleged” literary following then dammit bring on the proverbial Kool-aid! Oh I know, if I am a figment of your imagination, then oh great Sim creator Mikalee, please let me have the great family, career, cooler house, and awesome wardrobe to match my very made up life…*phone rings* its Sallie Mae to tell me my very real student loans for my very real Technical degree have been extended for 25 yrs, so i’ll get to pay very real extra-interest on my debt! You just can’t make this shit up! It never ceases to amaze me what hoops people will jump through to cover their own ish.

    Geez, you’ve never once mentioned these people by name. Quite frankly all we know is you and we’re all apart if your support group. Hell for all we know Mikalee could be some sort of code name you write under. We don’t care we will still support you! Why? Why th hell not and even if she believes this ish is dramaized the ish has touched many of us in our own situations in a very real way!

    Justice will prevail regardless of what happens in court. I see it like this: succeed in silencing Mika’s very brilliant mind online and she’ll still be the quirky, literary genius. Then the one thing keeping them together will no longer be the glue that binds those nutcases together. Breakup ensues and her heart will be more mangled than the trucks at the monster truck rally.

    Fail in silencing Mika’s blog and they’re both so consumed in their own guilt the break-up still ensues. What on Earth would they have to bond over now…their glowing personalities…yeah right.

    You kick some judicial ass woman, and a very real person wrote this!

    • Mikalee Byerman says:

      What an awesome comment, MissKay. But sadly, now that you’ve exposed my code name reality, I’m going to have to excommunicate you from the tribe. Bummer. It was nice having such an insightful, supportive imaginary friend.

      😉

      You’re absolutely right that I’ve never used names, I’ve never provided links, I’ve never used “untouched” images of notes (that included names) or wedding pix (without a blobbed out face) — nothing! And yet, I have every right to do just that. I’ve told my story and tried to take the high road. I guess I get no respect from the other camp for that, huh?

      Thank you for the pointing out the reality of this blog — and for being such a great part of the community it has served to create. I love my readers!

  53. Susan says:

    Psssst. Mikalee. Any chance of whispering a number out of 10, about how it went. Just because we really really care & want to know.. to put us out of our misery…. Can’t imagine you’ll want to blog any time soon as you regroup from this last affront so maybe just send a wee sign so we can leave you alone for some quiet time!

  54. J. Eric Smith says:

    I am reading this on Tuesday (well, as much as a figment of your imagination reads, anyway), and hoping that the Justice Fairy sprinkled some good stuff your way yesterday . . .

  55. MIssKay says:

    Ok I am happy to know I am not the only one anxious over how your “yesterday” went. I said a little prayer for you so I much like everyone else hopes yesterday went well!

  56. Heidi says:

    Just wanted to point out that you had quite a few people stand up to be discounted for this post. Marilyn would love to allege 80 or so reader comments to one of her posts. ;-P

  57. Andy Lee says:

    Well, mathematically, we all MAY be imaginary. I mean, if you take the population of Earth (x) and divide by the number of potentially inhabitable planets (infinity) you get a number so close to zero as to be indistinguishable. So that means, kind of, that the extrapolated population of any inhabited planet is (almost) 0. Even Earth. The planet upon which I may or may not be reading this post. Allegedly.
    kiskis!

    • Mikalee Byerman says:

      I think you just made my brain explode a little.

      😉

      Hmmm. Well then, you’re imaginary, I’m imaginary, and no one really is reading this comment, thus why even respond. And yet I just did. I MUST be crazy!

  58. Mikalee Byerman says:

    Someone else said something similar: This looks like a motion from a third grader! There is a lot of drama there — I should know, I have a diva of a third grader myself, and I can see you producing something of equal caliber.

    Some people never grow up indeed…

    Thanks for reading, commenting and supporting me — much appreciated!

  59. tinkerbelle86 says:

    ah, i havent visited all week so havent read this. maybe because you made me up, oh no wait….
    note to ex husband. stop being such a douche. drop it. you might want to forget, but you cant literally erase someone from your past. they havent invented a rubber to sort that one out yet. so grow a pair!
    Mikalee, you rock chick. your blogs are just an honest depiction of your life. dont let anyone stifle what you have to say. after all, thats why we live in the free world.
    pep talk over. over and out. xx

    • Mikalee Byerman says:

      10-4, good buddy. Pep talk appreciated, over and out!

      (Actually, I lie, because I have one more comment. You’re absolutely right about their lack of ability to erase me, though that’s clearly their goal. Just move on and live your life, acknowledging that someone is in your past and inherently contributed to where you are today…perhaps even be grateful for that part of your past, because that part of your past introduced you to your very own offspring? Nah, that’s just asking too much…)

  60. charlywalker says:

    And this Lawyer they retained is from “Attorney’s R Us”? maybe 1-800-shyster…

    maybe a PAIR-A-legal eagles with a Blurter complex suffering from Black Robe envy…….

    There’s always the Aw Shucks Defense…….

    spread the humor…we are REAL and we aren’t going away….without a fight….

  61. Angelia says:

    *Pinching self*

    I’m very real!

    I’m late to the comment bonanza, and late arriving at your blog, but I’m here. And (yep, just pinched myself again) I do exist. And I read. And I comment.

    You certainly are dealing with some awful things, but your sense of humor will continue to see you through. Laughing is certainly better than the banging-head-against-wall response I’ve had to some of the things you’ve described. Ack! You’re handling things far better than I could. Your strength is admirable, and I thank you for sharing your experiences, the good, the bad, the Marilyn Manson.

    I have to admit that I did search for Marilyn’s blog and finally found it. To me, it’s ersatz iVillage and looks like the blog of someone who’s trying to blog but has no voice. (In fairness, I must acknowledge that blogging with a distinct voice is difficult, and not many people have it, myself included.) A successful blog, however is borne of a genuine sense of self, something you definitely have and is reflected in your posts. You actually have something to say, and it obviously reaches far beyond the horrors of a “surprise!” divorce because your blog speaks to people of varying places in life and relationships; e.g., I’ve never been divorced, and I consider my marriage sound, but your blog still manages to touch me.

    All the best to you, and I’ll be following your re-invention with pom-poms in hand, cheering you on at every step!

    xox, A

    • Mikalee Byerman says:

      I hope you know you just made my Sunday!

      Seriously. I couldn’t sleep, got up at 4 a.m., and your comment had just posted. While reading, I was humbled and honored and excited that you clearly are receiving this blog in the very manner in which I intend — as a humorous, sometimes a bit biting, tongue-in-cheek description of my life and reinvention. Your affirmation is so helpful, as sometimes, in the dark insecure recesses of my writer mind, I fear the message may be lost on the masses.

      Thank you for being here (late is better than never!), for reading and commenting. And I’m totally jealous, cuz your pom poms are clearly cooler than mine.

      😉

      And btw, I have a very close relative named Angelia. Beautiful name!

      • Salmart says:

        I love how honest you are about even weaknesses. Like flashes of unfounded insecurities. That’s why your blog is so obscenely successful. Not only do we hang on your every word, we all really feel we know you.

        I enjoyed huge confidence, pre being bricked, thinking of myself as third to Jennifer Aniston (only because you grabbed second.) Then wham, out jerked the carpet and I doubted everything about myself. Was I ugly, was I stupid, was I sexless? Were people just pretending to like me & laugh at my jokes?

        And here you are, daring to fear your insights may be lost on the masses! Do they look lost??? Geez.

        May our comments fill and overflow your bucket with praise & understanding, so that no holes poked in it will ever empty it!!!

        • sperm donors wife says:

          Speaking of being bricked and the rug pulled out from under my feet. Back in 1997, the weekend Princess Diana died, I got doubled bricked and this song was play’n on the radio by Tina Turner and Sting…… “Silent Wings”. Wow, it was my comfort song for years ! Knowing I would be okay.

          • Mikalee Byerman says:

            Isn’t it amazing the power some songs hold? I’ll have to search YouTube/Pandora for that song … not sure I’ve heard it (though that’s hard to imagine, given my background in Top 40 music and the fact that both Tina and Sting were staples on my station!).

        • Mikalee Byerman says:

          Wow. Thank YOU for this! I do hope you all feel like you know me … because this is the real me. Insecurities and all…

          For those of us who’ve been through this kind of devastation, self-doubt seems to be a common theme — which, Salmart, you so approppriately touched upon in your comment (and btw, I think we TIE for second to Jennifer Aniston!). Sadly, many of us somehow take on responsibility for the ickiness (for lack of a better word) inherent to the person who did the deed. And that’s not ours to own, yet it’s hard to convince yourself of that at 3 a.m., curled up in the fetal position, imagining what your former soulmate must be doing at that very moment. It’s the ugliest of torture, the most bitter of pills to swallow.

          It’s amazing that almost four years later, I still have traces of this pain. But it’s not about him or about that relationship any more … it’s about me and my lack of ability to trust what I know in my heart. In fact, truth be told, I couldn’t feel healthier about my “feelings” — or lack thereof — toward the ex. But the self-doubt, I fear, creeps up in unexpected places.

          My thanks to you all for understanding this — and for verifying for me that there’s reason to keep pursuing this blog, this reinvention, this conversation about healing. There’s work yet to do … for me, for others, for society. Is that too big a target to tackle? 😉

      • Angelia says:

        Must be something in the water: I, too, was up at 4 a.m.!

        Your message isn’t being lost at all – never fear! The way you tell the “my marriage ended with a brick” story exemplifies the humor with which you approach everything. In fact, it was your comment about that very thing in a recent FP blog post comment that got me here: I simply had to hear that story!

        I have inferior pom-poms, I’m sure, kind of like the pom-pom I had my freshman year of HS. Yes, that’s “pom-pom,” singular, because our squad had no money, so 10 girls had to make do with 5 sets of pom-poms. I shook the one I had for all it was worth. Nope, can’t make this shit up 🙂

        Thanks re the name! It’s pronounced “Angela,” though, so it’s not as pretty as the usual pronunciation, which is likely how your relative’s name is pronounced. My Dad named me, but my Mom filled out the forms. So, I’m misspelled and mispronounced, but it’s all good.

        Nip that insecurity in the bud; you’ve found your calling!

        xox, A

        • Mikalee Byerman says:

          My heart breaks for your high school cheer experience. So, I’ve decided to “virtually” loan you my pom poms! Wow…you’re right, you just can’t make that shit up! 😉

          And regardless of the misspelling or mispronunciation, you rock the name.

          Can’t wait to check out your blog — just to see if I might be able to “blame the potato” for my situation!

  62. imaginecreation says:

    I was reading through this post . . . been absent for a bit . . . and read the comment you inserted from a reader and kept thinking, ‘man, that sounds like me!’ . . . completely forgetting that I did leave that comment! Haha, it took a few seconds for it to sink in.

    Nope, not imagined . . . real as can be. =0)

    Keep fightin’ the good fight . . . I like to believe justice usually wins out, even though there are moments of bleakness.

    • Mikalee Byerman says:

      I’m so glad you returned…and please know that I attempted to email you before posting this blog (just to give you a head’s up and secure permission to use your awesome comment,) but I had a bad email address. So I apologize for the surprise!

      Thanks for the inspiration. I hope it all continues to go well for you.

      🙂

  63. kadja1 says:

    Hello! How are you doing? Haven’t seen you post in a while so I thought I’d ask!

    Signed,

    An “alledged” literary follower! 😉

    • Mikalee Byerman says:

      Ah, beautiful alleged follower: Thank you! 🙂

      I know, I know … it’s been silent for a while, right? Spooky quiet. But I’m trying to find the words — or at least, the right words. So it’s proving a bit challenging…

      Thanks for checking in — I hope to be chatting with you very soon!

        • Mikalee Byerman says:

          Totally uncharacteristic of me, right? Ugh…

          I’m just trying to figure out a way back. Things are — well, complicated. But I’m doing my best — and hope to post again very soon.

          Thank you so much for checking in on me, Lola … and for being patient!

  64. Someone Who Understands says:

    I have read your blog for a short time. You seem like a great gal who is doing her best to deal with a horrible situation created by someone else. I know how you feel. I am living it. Psycho ex’s psycho girlfriend and all.

    Of course, I also ‘googled’ her… which has been deemed by them to be psycho and stalking and all sorts of moronic other things. Yes. It certainly is horrible to want to know who this stranger is that has suddenly appeared, screwing my husband and proclaiming her place in the lives of our children. Yep… definitely creepy-ville when you won’t just take their word for everything.

    Heh.

    Keep up the good fight.

    • Mikalee Byerman says:

      Wow … it does sound like you can relate. Entirely too well…

      When you have children involved, the level of concern is only heightened. I mean, sure — she can do whatever she likes with him. But come on: She is now a role model?!?! And I have no control over that?!?! It breaks my heart to realize in my situation that she is with my children as often as I am. I can only imagine the implications down the road…

      While I’m happy to find someone who can relate, it also breaks my heart that you can relate. Because I know so well how you feel, and it sucks. Plain and simple.

      Please stop by again, share whatever you’re comfortable with and join the conversation. I’m so glad you’re here and enjoying!

      • Someone Who Understands says:

        Thank you. I was so intrigued by your blog because a lot of the bat-shit-crazy things you have posted about are very real to me. I especially can relate to the twisting of facts and reality. It was not until this happened that I realized just how narcissistic and bizarre people can be.

        Heck, I could have proof, written or photographic and show it to the ex in a co-parenting counseling session and the only response was that it was being misinterpreted. Everyone else in the world can see it, except the one with his head buried in the sand!

        I have told him time and again: She can have him. What cannot happen is our kids being placed in an unhealthy and/or unsafe environment.

        Sadly, they cannot see past my ‘pathetic bitterness’ to see my words for what they are: the concern of a loving mother.

        • Mikalee Byerman says:

          It is like we are living the same life…crazy!

          No matter how hard I fight on behalf of my kids, no matter how much I assure them that I have no interest in them (and only in my kids’ best interests), no matter how much I move on and live my life — I’m still “stuck in the past.” Unbelieveable. Seriously, there was a line in the lawsuit that I don’t think I ever talked about on this blog: It said that “Mikalee doesn’t know how to be a divorced person.” Oh. My. GOD! Seriously? First, the irony (if my ex only knew how to be a married person…), then the reality of it (do they offer courses in this particular skill?) to the sad head-shaking part: I have no choice but to know how to be a divorced person! They’re the ones who keep trying to control and manipulate out of some sad fixation on correcting the past or attempting some sort of revisionist history mumbo-jumbo…I’m just rolling with the (bat-shit crazy) punches. Ugh.

          Anyhow, again — kindred bat-shit crazy divorce sisters, you and I. Thanks so much for being here!

          • Someone Who Understands says:

            Hah! Well, I have not gotten to the point where we are really interacting. I have made a concerted effort to just stick to emails and as little interaction as possible. I have yet to lay eyes on the special friend, since everything I have read of what she writes (including, but not limited to, threatening and harassing emails) leads me to believe she is no one that I would ever wish to have in my life.

            The sad part is that they (general, not just my bat-shit-crazy ex and co) place us in this situation and then get all upset that we dare to react and have an opinion. It is as if they feel that they can force such life-altering things upon us and we are to just smile and take it with nary a word.

            The irony in my situation is that I have not once spoken out against either of them. Oh, I have plenty I *could* say, but why waste my breath? Instead I have stuck to the no-contact unless I need to bring up something that I feel could be a problem for the kids. Drugs in the house? Gonna bring it up. Raging alcoholism? Gonna bring it up. Wasting all their money on trips, clubbing, restaurants and toys? Not going to bring it up… though I am waiting for the day that I hear I cannot get my money because they are broke. Then I may bring it up. Sadly the day seems as if it will come soon enough.

            The part that has always slayed me is that no matter the subject, there is always some manner of obfuscation, denial, blame-shifting or flat out refusal to admit what I know is the truth. I swear, sometimes I think I could say the sky is blue and walk out of the conversation questioning whether it really is blue. It gets that bad.

            Now, do not get me wrong. I take my blame for the marriage ending. It needed to end and would have at some point. What I take exception to is HOW it ended and what happened before and after we separated. That is where the major issue is for me. There is no trust, no real attempts to see beyond their noses, no acknowledgment of what they have done and, most bothersome, the constant need to lay all the blame at my feet.

            Sadly, I know that I will have to accept this person into my children’s lives if this is who he chooses to link himself to. But I do not have to like it and I do not have to accept more abuse. That is where I draw the line, for myself and the children.

            • Mikalee Byerman says:

              It sounds like you’re doing what I was doing — before it got really bad. And only AFTER it got really bad did I say a single word in any public forum. As you noted:

              “The sad part is that they (general, not just my bat-shit-crazy ex and co) place us in this situation and then get all upset that we dare to react and have an opinion. It is as if they feel that they can force such life-altering things upon us and we are to just smile and take it with nary a word.”

              I dealt with absolute CRAZINESS like “them” cutting my daughter’s hair to match “her” (the ex’s new girlfriend) hair without even consulting me; “them” signing up my daughter for cheerleading without consulting with me and then after-the-fact letting me in on the fact that “she” (the ex’s girlfriend) would be the cheer coach; “them” claiming to be at a doctor’s appointment for my child (without letting me know in advance) and then refusing to tell me where they were (and later finding out it was only the ex who was there … “she” texted me and told me she was there, but lied).

              CRAZY.

              So when I ultimately became fed up and realized this was too crazy and I had to share — for myself and others — I was the one who did something wrong?

              Um…no. If you don’t do anything crazy, I have nothing to talk about!

              But you’ve nailed it: Pick your battles, only ones that ultimately impact health, safety and well being of the children. The rest isn’t worth it — though it still sucks.

              Best of luck to you in your battles — current and future!

  65. talesfromthemotherland says:

    I continue to work my way through your posts, going back and back, as time allows. As you know, there are a few things on my imagined plate. But, when I want to smile and have a moment, these posts always fill the bill. You are a rock star, imagined or not! Rock on sistah.

    • Mikalee Byerman says:

      Um, ‘scuse me: But “imagined” plate? I think not. I’d say your “real” plate overfloweth onto about 12 heaping plates. Seriously.

      I’m glad you find the time to laugh a little. You deserve an escape. Hell, you deserve a month in a tropical location with umbrella drinks and a cabana boy to service your every whim!

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