On the Twelfth Day of Christmas, My Blog Friends Got to See: This Post.

Yeah, Boyfriend Brett totally thought I was naked here. I AM NOT naked. Hands, people – those are my hands. This is so not THAT KIND of blog post...

So I’m about to do something either really super fun – or really super stupid.

And I need your help to make it the former.

Here’s the deal: I’ve always emphasized that I am a prolific writer who blogs — not a prolific blogger who writes. And that’s mostly the case.

Until now.

Because starting today, I’m embarking on a bat-shit crazy ambitious project: The 12 Posts of Christmas.

And today is post #1. Of 12. In a row.

See? Really fun. Right? RIGHT?!?!

(And yeah, I see the irony in the fact that I just bitched and moaned about NaNoWriMo in my previous post. But hey, quantity over quality seems to work for some — why not me?)

These will be dramatically shorter posts than my typical 1,000-, 2,000- or bajillion-plus word fare. Hell, there may be a post or two where pictures outnumber words.

(*Gasp,* right? I know…)

You see, I have all of these ideas about topics or components of posts — yet they’re not exactly deserving of entire posts. For me, anyhow. They’re more like mini-posts. Or postlets. Maybe postlings.

Postitos?

Weeposts?

Anyhow, back to the topic at hand.

I want to get these off my chest. I need to get these off my chest — and out of my idea slush pile, which takes the form of one dilapidated spiral bound notebook, a stapled bunch of hand-scribbled notes and an email saved in my Drafts folder overflowing with random words, crazy sentences and perplexing topics.

Seriously. Residing in my Drafts folder is an email containing the words “skeezy pants,” “Battle of the Network Stars” and “windshield wiper interval/penis length.” All in one draft. And in all honesty, I don’t even remember what I wanted to write about two of those three…

I’m a blogging hot mess.

But I desperately want to start the year off de-cluttered, de-junked and de-jizzed. So to speak.

And now it’s your turn.

How can you help, you ask? (Wow. You’re totally thoughtful. Thank you, considerate reader!)

I only ask this: Don’t hate me because I post too often.

Seriously, we’re in the same boat, you and I: Too many messages in our inbox.

Like, WAY too many messages.

(and that's just ONE of my inboxes...)


And I’m hoping you don’t take offense at my dozen musings, my very own brand of effusive blog spunk, which will come (<- did you see where I DIDN’T go there?) furiously exploding all over your inbox during the course of the next two weeks.

This, my friends, will be a one-time (12-part) deal. I’m shooting my wad. And hoping you don’t mind.

Then we’ll go back to posting every two weeks or so. When I don’t have a headache. Like most couples. We can even cuddle and spoon if you’d like.

So to recap, here’s what I’m doing:

  1. 12 posts in 12-ish days (might end up taking weekends off so you don’t get too sick of me) called “The 12 Posts of Christmas.” Some holiday-themed, some not. Then back to business as usual.

Here’s what I’m hoping you do:

  1. Do NOT unsubscribe. Pretty please. I value each and every one of you, and I value your time like crazy — but I’m hoping you’ll bear with me during this experiment. So you must not leave me. PLEASE DON’T LEAVE ME! (Pathetic enough? Did it work?)
  2. Do NOT judge my wee postitos, and certainly don’t compare them to prior or future posts. These are just babies — runts, really — so they need to find a home and GET THE FUCK OUT OF MY LIFE!
  3. Do leave comments. To me, comments are to this blog as the absence of a brick is to my former marriage. Without the brick, there would be no former marriage; without your comments, there would be no this blog. Make sense? Plus, considering my copious commitment and trust issues, your comments provide much-needed affirmation that perhaps you won’t leave me. (Pathetic enough — yet again?)

That’s it. Easy-peasy, right? And to start us off in the right direction, perhaps you can tell me your thoughts on any of the following:

  1. So: Super fun…or super stupid?
  2. Your preference: Postlets, postlings, postitos, weeposts — or do you have an even awesome-er contribution to the word to describe a teeny-weeny post?
  3. Any thoughts on why “windshield wiper interval/penis length” would make for a potential post topic?
  4. What does your idea slush pile look like? Any words/phrases/ideas you’d like to share with us that you haven’t quite gotten around to blogging yet?

One down…11 to go! 😉

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97 thoughts on “On the Twelfth Day of Christmas, My Blog Friends Got to See: This Post.

  1. disseminatedthought says:

    17,288 emails? When did you last clean it out, 1998?

    As far as ideas go, I tend to make notes to myself either on my BlackBerry or in a notebook. The only problem with the latter is that I tend to abbreviate, and can never decipher my shorthand and odd notations when I go back to them.

    What about doing a few “My day in pictures” posts over the next 11 days? A selection of random photos that represent that day, complete with witty captions. Light on the words, heavy on the amusement.

    • Mikalee Byerman says:

      That MAY have been a slight exaggeration. Truth be told, that is the total # of emails in my Gmail account — not just my inbox. Poetic license and all that… 😉

      And I can SO relate to your handwritten notes. Funny story: So I tend to do quite a bit of brainstorming while — ahem — imbibing. So there are a few (just a few — no need for AA intervention…) notes in my book featuring writing that looks like I’m 5. Seriously. And they’re mind-blowingly crazy ideas!

      So you’re reading my mind on the pix. My day in pictures might be fun, but “My YEAR in Pictures” is definitely on the horizon. Thanks for the affirmation — I’m excited!

      Thank you so much for the comment…

  2. Liz says:

    1. Super fun!
    2. Postlets. I think. Postitos sounds too much like a brand of tortilla chips. Postlings is hard to say and I judge all writing by how it would read aloud. Weeposts sounds like your post needs to go potty. Just sayin’.
    3. I cannot imagine the correlation between windshield wiper blades and penis length.
    4. My slush pile is made up of partially written blog posts that are saved on blogger, but not posted. That and half-assed plot ideas stuck in my head.

    Oh, and Merry Christmas.

    • Mikalee Byerman says:

      Right on, Liz — glad you’re on board, and Merry Christmas to you too!

      “Postlets” is definitely a contender. The connotation, however, seems much more sad and pathetic — like they’re standing in a bread line, or begging for attention. Not entirely sure why I get that image…

      And Liz: Get those partially written posts out there for the world to see! Even without an end — in fact, make US write the end … for YOU! Awesome…

      😉

    • Mikalee Byerman says:

      Postettes…I’m digging it. Although do they have to line up in a row and do simultaneous high kicks? Because WordPress rocks and all, but I have NO IDEA how to make that work…

      Thanks, Patrice! 🙂

  3. Leah H. says:

    Oh, Mikalee, I’m so excited!

    I would never leave you or forsake you! You know, God said that in Hebrews 13:5. He is much more merciful and a better listener than the stupid Universe. Trust me…

    1, Super fun, super fun!
    2. POSTITOS! Hands down. I’m in love. I want to read, eat, and breathe postitos. And I bet they won’t make my breath all funky like their tortilla chip cousins…
    3. Um…I’d rather not think about it! WHAT IN THE WORLD?!?!?!?!
    4. My idea slush pile looks like dirty snow. I NEED TO BLOG SOMETHING, ANYTHING, and like, SO BAD. Oh, and I finally left you a link to my blog instead of my gravatar. You know, if you ever get bored and want to read about some serious SAP/food obsessions/and other randomness.

    Looking forward to the 11 remaining days of Mikalee blogging!

    • Mikalee Byerman says:

      Aw shucks — I’m so GRATEFUL you’ll never leave or foreake me. Though that sounds alarmingly like something my Ex once said to me…

      (*ducks to avoid oncoming bricks*)

      I have me some serious Postito love, too. Like, a TON. They sound so cute — and harmless — yet like they might wield tiny swords and ride tiny horses. And then sit alongside a slider on my plate at dinner…

      I’m DIGGING your slush pile description, by the way. Dirty snow, huh? I guess it’s better than yellow snow (and now we’re back to “weeposts…”).

      Thanks for commenting, Leah!

      • Spectra says:

        I am liking ‘Postitos’, myself. Anything that sounds small and edible and delicious is alright by me.

        I just read that wordpress knows what’s in all of our draft files! Me no like 😦

  4. Ruth says:

    Definitely postitos.

    The windshield interval/penis length topic is DEFINITELY about misconceptions related to impact. ie – the length of the penis is to the interval of the windshield like quality of sex is to quality of rain clearance. Get it? We are SO on the same wave length.

    Mostly I commented for validation purposes and to reassure you that your writing rocks!

    • Mikalee Byerman says:

      Right? And then when people make you laugh in response to a little post, little pieces of postito can fly all over. Beautiful image, dontcha think?

      Ruth, I’m just glad someone “gets me” — and has enough of a psychology background that you can recognize my cry for help. Validation received — and reassurance felt (for T-minus 30 seconds, until something else makes me question myself…).

      Thank you!

  5. Lori Dyan says:

    You inbox is terrifying. I am queen of the postlings – you may end up loving the short and sweet entries (eww).

    xo
    p.s. I would never unsubscribe and I’ll cut anyone who dares to…

    • Mikalee Byerman says:

      Aw, so size DOES matter, you’re saying?!?!

      Indeed: The “long ones” can be cumbersome…

      Just teasin’, of course. Thank you for the feedback! So there is one place in my house — with the light coming through one window at one time during the day — where I can look like I do in this picture. Everywhere else, at every other time of the day, I look like “normal.” It’s very disappointing. (But thank you for those kind words!)

      I’m so glad you’re embracing the postitos, Lee!

  6. monicastangledweb says:

    Postitos? I think you’ve created a new word for our blogosphere. Love it! So adorable sounding. As for your 12 posts, quite an ambitious project, but I love the idea. It’s like getting a gift from you everyday! I look forward to seeing them all. And, perhaps, when you’re done, you can sell them as a gift box set collection. Oh, I can tell, this is going to be a wonderful Christmas and I can’t wait. 😉

    • Mikalee Byerman says:

      The blogosphere does need a giant bag of Postitos, right? I mean, who doesn’t like Postitos? And I’m already thinking of little characters to represent them. Perhaps The Postitos Banditos: a rogue group of tiny, hat-wearing, horse-riding defenders of the wee written word…

      Thanks for reading and for your excitement, Monica! I don’t know if I’m quite to “boxed set” levels of marketing savvy, but I definitely need to keep you around for brilliant ideas like that!

  7. John says:

    I’ve always hoped you’d write more here, but I don’t say that for pressure. It’s your thing and you can write however much or as little as you’d like. I’m just happy for the quality.

    If you saw the pile of “ideas” that I have sitting at my desk, you’d want to stab out your eyeballs. And in most cases, “ideas” means “a list of things I could write about or post on my site, all bulleted out on a bar napkin, progressively less legibly and more beer-soaked as the night went on”. Unfortunately, I get grandiose ideas and falter when it comes time to execute. “How about a photographic list of all the things that ever chased Buster Keaton on film?!?!” Yeah, good luck finding screencaps from a million silent shorts from the 1910’s and 20’s, SPECIFICALLY OF WHATEVER CHASED KEATON

    • Mikalee Byerman says:

      Well, truth be told I’d LOVE to write more — but as with many, I seem to get caught up in an endless, annoying game of juggling.

      And I suck at juggling.

      Because I always catch the balls called “family” and “make enough money to not eat Top Ramen nightly,” but the “blog” ball invariably falls to the ground. 😦

      I’m glad you can relate to my idea “pile.” Yours sounds eerily familiar (though Buster Keaton is never mentioned in my notes — perhaps he will be now…). I’ll bet you can find those screen captures — if anyone can, you can. Or else just make an infographic out of it, and you’ll be set!

  8. groovyrick says:

    1-This is a SUPER-FUN idea, and I commend you. It’s tough coming up with fresh ideas everyday, but if you have some ideas stockpiled, you may just be able to pull this off and look like a blogging hero!
    2-I kind of like “postie-babies”. In fact, I think we should create a new cartoon show, starring the postie-babies. We could have episodes like “The postie-babies meet Lady GaGa in ‘The Case of the Missing Meat Dress.'” Or maybe take a page from Gulliver and call them “Liili-posts”.
    3-This would be an easy one for me, because storms make me horny. Remember to use a lot of adjectives.
    4-For starters, I’ve always thought about writing a story examining the connection between storms and sex (see #3). Or maybe share your favorite Christmas story…last Christmas, I shared the time when I was in high school when my buddy and I got drunk on Christmas Eve and we both passed out in my basement, only to be awakened by a phone call on Christmas morning from his mom wondering if he were going to spend the holiday with his family. Or the time I had just started dating a girl and didn’t get her a gift…and felt like a turd when she gave me my ENGRAVED gift.
    I can’t wait to read what you come up with! If inspiration strikes, I’ll pass along more ideas!

    • Mikalee Byerman says:

      Haha! I’m not sure about achieving “blogging hero” status — all I want is a clean slate!

      “Postie-babies”? Brilliant. And your episode idea sounds like a Hardy Boys plot, so maybe it’ll be one of those mash-ups: The Postie-Babies Meet the Hardy Boys, who meet Lady Gaga in The Case of the Missing Meat Dress.” I’m feeling it…

      But “Lilli-posts”??? That’s poetic. Or we could even call them “Lillipostians.” LOVE IT!

      You always crack me up, Groovy Rick. And I’ll have to remember your stormy inclinations while writing my analysis. I think you’d end up being disappointed in my take…

      Thanks for the AWESOME comment!

  9. scott says:

    Great post and I’m actually looking forward to the next eleven. Sounds super fun and I think if they are done as postitos they will not wear me out like some of your other posts (but they wear me down in a good way-don’t take that the wrong way my ego-sensative friend). I took two years of Mexico in high school and “postitos” sounds like something I would have made up to cover my lack of studying the language as I should have been. I too need a way to dump all the non-sensical blog post ideas I have gathered too. Can I mail them to you to keep in your folder? Maybe I should just get busy and get back to writing on my blog too instead. Wipers and penises? I’m stumped!

    • Mikalee Byerman says:

      You see, Scott: My typical post is all about stamina-building! (actually, more like the fact that I just can’t shut up, right?)

      😉

      Thanks for the affirmation and support — much appreciated. And once I’ve cleared out my idea pile, you’re welcome to forward yours. I’ll have space.

      (Wait…what am I saying?!?!)

      Write! Tackle the 12-Post-of-Christmas challenge! ¡¡¡TEAM POSTITOS!!!

  10. superjack2468 says:

    Great idea, I’ll look forward to your postitas warming this old scroggy guy’s inbox.

    Notice I used “postitas” as an alternate name – that being the feminino form – knowing you are gramitically anal and all. And you only used one FUCK, cool.

    • Mikalee Byerman says:

      …so when the weeposts are about girly things, they are postitas; when I write about penis length and windshield wipers, that would be a postito. Right?

      Excellent way to appeal to my “grammatically anal” side. I’m a fan!

    • Mikalee Byerman says:

      Hands, people!

      Although, yes, my hands are naked…

      😉

      Glad you agreed once your vision was enhanced with the addition of your glasses. Phew…Brett almost came unglued when he saw the pic! I think he thought I was taking the blog in a whole new direction…

  11. joaquinbarroso says:

    Congratulations on the experiment! As a frequent reader and long time subscriber I’ll stay tuned and will not unsubscribe, hey! I’m also posting a comment!!!

    I completely agree about the value of comments to a blogger. I usually get only questions, no comments, and when I don’t even get that I feel like nobody is reading despite what the site stats say. I guess that is my fault for having the kind of blog I do, I should open up a new one or reform the usual one all together.

    So, bring them on! I’m reading! Happy holiday season

    PS With all due respect: You look great in your picture and not naked at all! I guess boyfriend Brett (a very lucky guy BTW) just has his mind somewhere else. You look very pretty.

    • Mikalee Byerman says:

      …oh. And one more thing:

      I’ve read your blog. Sadly, if I left a comment, the only possible comment would be a question — because you’re talking in a foreign language to me! But it’s obvious you’re pretty darn brilliant. So I could just post a comment to every post, simply saying, “You’re brilliant.” If you’d like… 😉

  12. Dana says:

    I love this idea!! Looking forward to the next posts. I actually prefer shorter posts with less wait time in between, maybe it’s my ADD.

  13. mj monaghan says:

    Dear fave blogger/new BFF: I will never leave you! You were my first blog read, so I’m committed! (And I like the 12 post idea).

    1. So … definitely, Super fun!
    2. Postitos – and I will definitely be *stealing*, ah borrowing that, for sure. I’m sure I’ll give you full credit though *eyes roll*.
    3. Why “windshield wiper interval/penis length” would make for a potential post topic? Wow! To paraphrase the oft-quoted MC Hammer – can’t touch that!
    4. What does your idea slush pile look like? Here’s some of the titles of posts I have yet to write:
    – You Named The Baby … What??
    – Just Stop and Smell the … K-Cup!
    – What I Learned From Wife Swap – c’mon now, I’m talking about the TV show!

    Comment 1 down, 11 to go!!

    • Mikalee Byerman says:

      Oooh…commitment?!?! That’s a mighty big word there — not sure if this jaded jilted chick can even HANDLE that word!

      😉

      Thanks so much for the feedback, my friend. You’re more than welcome to borrow/steal/pilfer my blog for ideas, so by all means.

      And as for those future posts — I’m sure you’ll get a few subscribers simply from my readers wanting to know what the hell you learned from Wife Swap (the TV show, that is…).

      You rock. ‘Nuff said.

  14. Steph says:

    I think it’s a great idea, probably because I actually post a blog every day, with the exception of weekends. So I’m kind of partial to the concept. And somehow my followers don’t unfollow me or unfriend me or make any bad comments at all. They actually COMPLAIN if they don’t hear from me on a daily basis as apparently, I’m their daily dose of humor.
    (Sad, yes…I agree.)
    Idea for mini post word: Poste-sis (pronounced post-eh-says). Not profound but my little family makes everything end like that if it’s plural.

    Lastly- I was so relieved to hear I’m not the only one with crumpled up Post-It notes with non-chewed gum pieces stuck to it down in the bottom of her purse with ideas on them. I write on the back of receipts, napkins, my teenage daughter’s homework (she loves this)…I text myself like a lunatic, AND I have an official pretty, glittery, jewel studded, Buddha like designed mini notebook I carry in my purse as well in case I can actually FIND said mini notebook and write the idea in it. I’m usually in too big of a panic that I’ll forget the idea/word I’ve come up with before I get to the mini notebook, thus the aforementioned methods. I don’t have any brilliant ideas for the penis windshield wiper note (damn) but here are some of my words:
    Creepay
    Goodyear Boobs
    Two Ton Tilly
    I can do eet
    Watch. Out. Skeetos.
    A fifty yarder.
    Avian-ass (? this one is right up there with your penis windshield wiper note dilemna)
    And that’s all I’m giving away.
    I don’t need any of your glorious readers usin’ up all my cherished brainy ideas. (Ha! Fat chance!)
    If you want a laugh – and daily- except for weekends- and you won’t get annoyed, go here:
    http://www.resumeroasts.blogspot.com/
    I talk about resumes of all things. Stupid. Ass. Resumes.
    Keeping up your blogging girl! Love it!

    • Mikalee Byerman says:

      Interesting feedback about the daily posting — I guess in my case, I’m concerned that some of my readers are subscribers BECAUSE I don’t post daily. So now that I’m making the big switch (for only a few weeks, of course), they’ll get annoyed and tune out. I can see how your subscribers, though, have always known to expect your daily musings. So if you started posting every two weeks, you might have a blog coup d’etat on your hands!

      Love “Poste-sis.” I’ll throw that in the hat.

      And your list, Steph, seems remarkably like mine! Not in terms of actual content, but in terms of the randomness of words/topics that strike our fancies. Of course, given your daily exposure to crazy (through the resumes), it’s not surprising that you’re jotting down notes constantly. I just hope you only jot the “clean” ones on the daughter’s homework; I’m assuming writing “Goodyear boobs” on the back of her math lesson might make for a grumpy teacher.

      Thanks for the AWESOME comment. Can’t wait to read your future entries featuring these crazy-random words!

  15. twindaddy says:

    De-jizz? The thought makes me shudder.

    I actually would prefer if you posted more often, so feel free to post more often than your usual 1-2 week interval.

    Most of my posts are between 400 and 1000 words so this obviously won’t bother me at all.

  16. Gow says:

    Super fun, absolutely!

    Postitos, gets my vote — sounds yummy and makes me think of a movie line which is always aces in my book.

    I guess, maybe, in rum soaked moments, one could draw some kind of correlation between windshield wiper interval/penis length as it pertains to a sense of power. Too Freudian? Hey, you asked.

    Thankfully, as a mere and lowly editor my “slush pile” is in my head and is just a mass of things the real writer has mentioned once in passing he might like to write about. So, it’s really more of a “noodge pile” and I have a crazy good memory for that kind of thing.

    I’m soooo looking forward to my in-box getting stuffed with Postitos!

    • Mikalee Byerman says:

      I think Postitos is handily winning. They do sound tasty and adorable — much like a Peep, which also is both.

      You’re very close on your wiper analysis, methinks. Not too Freudian at all…

      A “noodge pile,” eh? Given my love of alliteration, I’m thinking I’d go with “pester pile.” 😉

  17. SueMarue says:

    Let me start by saying I am a total fangirl of yours. I have been reading your blog for a few months now, and I am hooked. I could read you every day, so I would definitely welcome your upcoming daily posts. I’ve been trying to blog on a regular basis, but it’s been stop and go for years, so I admire someone who can post every day–even if it’s only postitos (which gets my vote).

    As for my “slush pile”, I wake up from deep sleeps sometimes with “great” ideas that I write down in a bedside notebook. When I’m more lucid, I read these ideas and they make no sense at all. One of them: Old lady w/ sex tee at D-land. What does that even mean?!

    Good luck on your daily posts. Looking forward to reading them!

    • SueMarue says:

      For some reason, my website is not working when you click on my name. It’s theoccasionalwhine.wordpress.com, in case you want to check it out. I’m still new to WordPress and I can’t get some things to work. I’m sure it’s just me. 🙂

    • Mikalee Byerman says:

      Well, “fangirl” — hello and thank you! I love your blog name, BTW…and I’m glad you could read my posts every day, because you’re about to. I hope, at least. Just for 12 days, though. Glad to hear I won’t lose you in the process!

      You MUST remember the lady w/ sex tee at D-land story! That sounds too good NOT to blog about. In fact, I think I might just have to figure out a way to blog about your lady w/sex tee at D-land story…

      I can totally relate to the sleep-induced haze, though. It’s just like when you wake up, and you can recount every aspect of a dream — then lucidity hits, and you have no idea. Only reversed. You get what I’m saying, right?!?! Ugh. Perhaps I should go to bed now.

      😉

  18. JustI says:

    This should be super fun. I can’t wait to see what you do for New Year’s Resolutions! I’ve just started following (not stalking) you, so I don’t expect to un-follow you any time soon.

    I’d like to throw a couple words into the mix for your shorter posts…perhaps post-stilettos, or epistilettos, and I’m talking about the heels not the dagger. Short and to the point? I think stilettos would add some spice to the 12 days of posts. Hmmm, they would go well with naked hands, right?

    As for the windshield wiper/penis allegory, perhaps it has to do with the timing. You know…about 3 seconds?

    ….I’m sorry, my mind was wondering. I keep reading the last line in Gow’s comment (above) and I forgot what I was going to say.

    Keep up the …something 🙂

    • Mikalee Byerman says:

      Haha! Your comment made me snort. A few times.

      First, thanks for following (not stalking) me. Much appreciated! You’ll see that I’m typically a bad, bad blogger, and my usual blog frequency is about two posts a month. This is a bat-shit crazy venture upon which I’m embarking, so I hope everyone doesn’t get too sick of me!

      LOVING the stiletto concept. Perhaps we can meld them into postitolettos? Or is that just crazy?

      …and the final snort: 3 seconds. Hahahahahaha!

  19. Harold says:

    1. Good for me
    2. I read anything!
    3. Sounds like danger to comment on!
    4. No slush here only crap until I flush it away

    I could tell your hands. But it is still those eyes! Mistress this minnion LOVES your eyes! A very nice photo my lady!

    • Mikalee Byerman says:

      Awesome. I’m grateful for the support — though “I read anything” may not actually inspire that much confidence in my abilities…

      😉

      I’m glad YOU can see the hands, Harold. I’ve been fighting the “NOT NAKED” battle all day!

      • Harold says:

        Okay not really anything, I meant anything You will write. You have a great style to your writing. I think that is what keeps us all coming back and wanting more!

  20. Anne Schilde says:

    How in the hell are are you going to deal with the 12 Days of Comments?

    1. Why does there always have to be a difference? It’s like the health food or good food. Being super stupid IS super fun!

    2. Hmm… comm-posts?

    3. Well, it does seem that if your windshield interval is too long, you could be seriously fucked. I can’t believe I said that. I can’t believe no one else did.

    4. Sooner or later I like to think I’ll write them all. I do have a title that has no story idea though… The Quiet Flight Home. It just sounds like something I would have written that I didn’t yet.

    • Anne Schilde says:

      Actually, you know I went through my drafts and I have something in there I started about the “dord phenomenon” which is where people believe something just because it came from a source they don’t question. This happens ALL THE TIME on the internet! More things are true these days that really aren’t… um this is your blog. You want that one? LOL

    • Mikalee Byerman says:

      Good point. I’m guessing the volume will decrease, though it’s a NICE problem to have! I love the interaction on this blog — it’s my favorite part. How else would I hear about awesome ideas like “comm-posts” — which I had to say out loud to get. Nicely done, Anne!

      Can’t wait to read The Quiet Flight Home. Or about the dord phenomenon, which is totally true. My blogging friend Posky just wrote a post about how much people like “true facts,” and I think this fits in nicely…

    • Anne Schilde says:

      You know I throw these comments down in response to your prompts… I should probably remind you once, how much I enjoy your humor, and how glad I am there was such a thing as a brick, and that the Universe still doesn’t know what the fuck a brick is.

  21. Mark Petruska says:

    My slush pile includes phrases like “poaching an egg” (interesting, since I’ve never attempted that); “chai tea/tai chi” (great potential title thanks to the reverse wordplay, but I’ve no clue what the actual topic would be about); and “pant like a dog” (in which I was going to wax philosophically about how our canine friends are lucky since they don’t have to deal with perspiration).

    Clearly, I need to dislodge this crap and start fresh myself, too. Love your idea for these postfants!

    • Mikalee Byerman says:

      Mr. Foodie hasn’t poached an egg?!?! Especially given your love of Bloody Mary’s?!?! There’s little better in this world than a plate of beautifully poached Eggs Benedict (slightly springy to the touch, slightly moist, thoroughly yummy) and a good BM. Oooh…Bloody Mary, not bowel movement. I must clarify that unfortunate abbreviation…

      And I do believe chai tea/tai chi would take place at Starbucks. Arising from the need to break out mad martial art skillz in defense of a tasty beverage. Just a guess.

      Hope you enjoy the postfants. At least they don’t wake us every 2 hours crying, right?

  22. Shawn Griffin says:

    1. Super-duper fun!

    2. Postitos … Mmmm … Cheese Postitos … “Mmmmm cheese!”

    3. Any thoughts on why “windshield wiper interval/penis length” would make for a potential post topic?

    Ugh … is this really where you talk about “premature wiper interval” and the “size of the wipers” doesn’t really matter.

    I can hear the conversation now when the wipers go bat-shit-broken and you tell me, “it happens to all of the other drivers too.”

    4. What does your idea slush pile look like? Any words/phrases/ideas you’d like to share with us that you haven’t quite gotten around to blogging yet?

    This can turn into a super-duper fun drinking game, “Blog Word Bingo”!

    🙂

    • Mikalee Byerman says:

      Cheese makes everything better. I swear, if I could only partake of one food group for the rest of my life: It would be cheese. It is a food group, right? It’s definitely on its own level of the food pyramid (and I’m totally aging myself here, as I do believe it’s now called the food rhombus or parallelogram or some craziness…).

      And friend: wiper size matters. I’ll be the first to say it — but not the first to think it. 😉

      Blog word bingo — great, another idea to add to that damn slush pile. Thanks for nothin’!

  23. mom says:

    Hello my love——–Great start to your 12 days of musings. No comment on the windshield wiper/penis/DICK thingie, although during the next rain/snow event, I’ll smile and ponder when I hit the switch :).
    Now that I’ve had my postito and some warm cinnamon milk, I’m off to bed. I’m looking forward to the next installment, and I’ll see you soon 🙂 Love you honey.

    • Mikalee Byerman says:

      First, I have to tell you that my spam filter marked this message as spam — I think because it began, “Hello my love.” Priceless!

      Also, it’s more than a little strange to have my own mom use the word “DICK” (in all caps, no less) in a comment. But that’s one of the many reasons I know I’m a chip off the young block!

      I’m glad you enjoyed the postito. More fun to follow, just watch your language, k? 😉

  24. mom says:

    You’re a chip alright, but not totally off of me. Let’s just remember that “DICK” was Grams’ favorite, and besides being quirky and adorable, her language was impeccable 🙂 Come to think of it, we’re all quirky and adorable 🙂

  25. Crystal says:

    Wow, best Christmas picture of a woman in the non ho”ho” 😉 category that I have seen. If they gave out such an award you would win.. hands down.. lol 😉 I have zero advice for you regarding the blog . 🙂 You my dear, are a damn good writer!!!! I truly enjoy reading whatever you choose to write about!!! I do think you may need to worry about the stalkers and not stockings this Christmas… As there seems to be more picture request of you? lol

    • Mikalee Byerman says:

      I see what you did there: Non “ho” ho and “hands down.” Who’s the creative one here?

      Thanks for the comment, Crystal — always appreciated, and you know I welcome your awesome perspective. Especially when you make me laugh out loud, as you did in this one. Come to think of it, I usually do.

      Not too worried about stalkers — well, except for those who look like gender-confused rock stars and do everything possible to steal my identity…

  26. trailertrashdeluxe says:

    In my early “blogging” (I hate the word “blog” but we’re stuck with it) days I had written down “If you were a dog I’d throw you off the porch.” I’m sure there was part of a box of wine involved, but I don’t know why I’d be so mean to a dog, drunk or sober. I know that some people equate fancy-car-ownership with making up for feelings of inadequacy, but windshield wiper interval? I bet it was very clear to you at the time, so you felt no need to write anything more down.

    • Mikalee Byerman says:

      I think you have some serious therapy issues with the dogs there, friend. That’s some heartless shit! 😉

      But like you said, in a wine-induced haze, crazy often results — or at least, oddities that once meant something that sobriety obfuscates…

  27. salmart2 says:

    Geez 82 comments and I haven’t had a turn yet? I’ll just leave a wee comment or a mini comment. Many many comments ago I said you shouldn’t put pressure on yourself believing you had to fire out a whoopdedoo fantastical post every time because you’d set the bar so high. That we were happy with a word or two, just keep throwing us even titbits to make us smile. So this new experiment might be revealing. A few epic posts now & then & a few tiiineest little weensy ones inbetween… I like the idea. And no, you won’t lose any readers. Not this one anyway. I was a virginal blog reader too when steaming with anger, I stumbled on your’s about John & Carol. Ooops , stop there, it’s turning into a real comment.

    • Mikalee Byerman says:

      You always make me smile, Salmart…thank you for the constant support! I remember you in those early Carol Anne and John days. We were ALL steaming with anger, if I recall…

      It’s so funny, that even in this era of “postitos” that I promised, I still can’t seem to create a post under 1,000 words. But given increasing paid writing demands over the weekend, I just might be forced to hit that goal.

      And yet, here I type, responding to comments because I love our little community…

  28. kitchenmudge says:

    Must admonish you a little here, Mikalee.

    One of the least forgivable things in a blogger is to write too much about the fact that one is blogging, or the process of writing. It’s like a movie about show biz, a book about literature, a song about music, a Phd in education…. A little goes a long way.

    Having said all that, I’m wondering why no one has brought up “postits” (as a word, not a request, though I’m sure some would request it). A little trademark infringement could get you some publicity. The “de-jizz” angle brings up the suggestion of “stickies”.

    A small post might be a stick, a stake, or collectively they could be the duodecapost.

    I don’t subscribe to any blogs, but just have a long collection of bookmarks. You’ll always be there, unless you write too much about writing.

    • Mikalee Byerman says:

      Ah well, I’ve always been a fan of facing conventions head on: and then sticking my tongue out at them. From time to time, at least.

      I think holding back the curtain every once in a while is not necessarily a bad thing. And hell, if you’re lucky like Dorothy was, you might even get a makeover and a hot air balloon ride out of it! Actually, no, I’m not giving away any makeovers or hot air balloon rides…so don’t get excited.

      Anyhow I laughed out loud at your “de-jizz/stickies” suggestion. Brilliant, my friend.

      I promise, there will only be a few postitos about my writing. Like, maybe 10 of the 12…

      (just teasing, of course…)

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