I Know You Are But What Am I? (Actually, That’s a Load of Crap, So Tell Me What/How/Who You Are…Please?)

Who’s with me? Isn’t “I Know You Are But What Am I?” indubitably the single most profound verbal bitch-slap ever to use against anyone who calls you a name?

Childish? Probably. But a total zinger nonetheless.

Just remember: I have a brother who’s two years older than I am. And when we were little, there were times I thought he was a total poop head.

Sure, he may look all sweet and innocent and scared shitless here, but he could be VICIOUS with the insults. I have vivid memories of him once calling me a “meanie muffin.” Fightin’ words, brother...

Anyhow, I’m sure you’re wondering how the Best. Comeback. Ever. pertains to this post.

Me too.

Let me begin by noting that exciting things are afoot for my writing, and I’m eager to bring you all up to speed on my plans for the future. Soon.

But until then, I have a desire – a need, really – nay, a compulsion — to turn the spotlight onto YOU.

You all know who I am: The chick whose marriage ended with a brick; the top Google search result for “Shit Divorce.” Archenemy of The Fucking Universe; The girl with the penis tiara (Stieg Larsson and I are already in serious talks, but I won’t sell him the rights until he signs Daniel Craig for the lead role. Because he’s yummy).

Now, however, I need to know a little more about who you are.

You may or may not have read somewhere on my blog that I have something like 75 squillion-umptillion readers. Give or take. And that’s just an estimate.

And in case you’re wondering, a “squillion-umptillion” roughly translates to 0.00345998. Which means, if you do the math, I have 2.594985 readers. (Hi Marge and Harry! How’s the bun in the oven coming along?)

But I digress.

What is relevant here is that I absolutely want to know you better.

I mean, if I don’t know you (and I’m definitely not talking in the Biblical sense, as “knowing” 72 squillion-umptillion might be totally creepy), how can I write the kind of compelling shit you crave?

(Stop laughing. Seriously…stop.)

So, here’s the favor:

Please, dear readers, kindly post a simple little comment in response to this post. It doesn’t matter if you’re a new reader, someone who’s just perusing or a reader from the very beginning, the thankfully bygone era of my ex and the lawsuit to stop my blog — I’m hoping to hear from everyone.

And hey, when’s the last time you got to do something that brings back cherished Mad Lib memories? Right?

If you’re willing to play along, please fill in the following blanks:

  1. Hi! (…or G’day, Cheerio, Ahoy Matey, おはよう – whatever works for you). I am (name you prefer to be called in this venue) and I am a (your day job) from (name of city/country/cave you call home).
  2. I like it most when Mikalee writes about __________. (If you’re a new reader, feel free to ignore this one…)
  3. (If you’re a blogger:) I blog about (topic) and here’s my link: ___________.
  4. Anything else you’re dying for us all to know? (Boxers or briefs? Celebrity crush? Person you wish you could knee in the ‘nads…just once? Just some ideas for you – or you can skip this one altogether…)

That’s it!

Oh…one more thing: If you’re a “Facebooker” and feel so inclined, would you possibly “Like” my “Mikalee Byerman, Writer Chick” page on Facebook? (yeah, I know: lots o’ “air quotes” in that-there last sentence…)

I post there a few times a week, mostly just silly stuff and blog topics I’m mulling over and bat-shit crazy observations, yet I’m digging the interaction we’ve already got going on – and that way I get to know you EVEN BETTER! It’s a total win-win!

I mean, where else could you see the dead squirrel AND the penis tiara, all in one convenient location?

(To join the conversation, click the picture above to link to Facebook,
or you can find the “Like Me on Facebook” link below this post…)

Thanks, friends. More to come soon. Very, very soon. Sooner than soon. Sooner than you can imagine “sooner than soon” would even be.

Seriously: Take a moment, relax, breathe deeply, and imagine “sooner than soon” for me.

Ha! Sooner than that, silly reader…


181 thoughts on “I Know You Are But What Am I? (Actually, That’s a Load of Crap, So Tell Me What/How/Who You Are…Please?)

  1. Jenn says:

    Ok, I’ll bite…
    Hey there! I’m Jenn (a completely boring and common name) and I hail from Boston.
    I’m a new reader, but I really enjoy the random posts (like the original post this picture comes from). And I may or may not be responsible for a large number of page views when I read each and every post in a matter of two days… I have a lot of spare time on my hands sometimes.
    I’m an adult adoptee blogger (bet you’ve never seen one of those!) and I blog at insertbadmovietitlehere.wordpress.com. I can’t remember how I found this blog but I enjoy it 🙂

    • Mikalee Byerman says:

      Well hello there, Jenn from Boston — and welcome!

      I have absolutely no problem with you increasing my page views … in fact, I encourage it! Thank you for perusing and for being part of our happy little community. Can’t wait to check out your blog (love love LOVE the title!).

  2. Liz says:

    If you’re willing to play along, please fill in the following blanks:

    Guten Tag. (Just to be different). I am Liz and am trying to decide what I want to be when I grow up. And when my kids finish growing up. I live in Tennessee.

    I like it most when Mikalee writes about funny stuff. Weird observations. Life after divorce.

    I blog about my life, my divorce, and getting past it. Here’s my link http://chastedivorcee.blogspot.com/ I just celebrated my first divorce-aversary. Fun times.

    • Mikalee Byerman says:

      Happy divorce-aversary to you, Liz from Tennessee! I have no idea how to say that in German (just to be different), so you’ll just have to take my word for it that I had good intentions…


      Thanks so much for playing along — and I can’t wait to check your blog out, too. Seems like we may have some stuff in common in terms of theme…ugh…

    • Mikalee Byerman says:

      Hello, Jodi! This is so much fun — it’s amazing to see people spread all over the country — even the world — all coming together to laugh at my bat-shit crazy life!

      Love your blog concept. Right now. And probably will forever…


      Here’s to continued healing for us all!

  3. John says:

    My name is John, and I’m an alcoholic.

    group: (hi, John)

    My name is John. I’m a graphic designer/editor, employed at a major university in St. Louis, Missouri. You may recognize St. Louis as the provel cheese capital of the world. Or probably not, since provel cheese is something so disgusting and vile that St. Louisans are the only people around the world who make and consume the stuff.

    This will sound like a totally lame cop-out, but I don’t really have a “favorite” subject from your site. I’ve enjoyed them all a ton, and the randomness of seeing what comes up next is half the fun. The humor in general is what keeps me coming back the most.

    I write about movies and TV at tdylf.com.

    • Mikalee Byerman says:

      Hi, John.

      Where are the donuts and coffee around here, anyhow? If this were any sort of a decent “meeting” there’d be munchies…

      Seriously love your blog — you know I do. Your infographics and “altered” graphics are my faves…

      Thanks for being an awesome bloggy friend, finding humor in my random shit and for leaving a comment!

  4. Megan says:

    Hola! My name is Megan. And I’m from Kansas. (no dog named ToTo or Ruby Red shoes)

    I think I found your site like a year ago when you were mentioned as having the #1 shit divorce. Since then I check in every once in awhile because your posts are insanely funny.
    Seriously just when we think you have hit on every random topic, you come up with something that is even more random and crazy than before.

    Also I happen to love Diet Coke and I did read “The Secret” also thought it was horse-shit.

    • Mikalee Byerman says:

      Hola! Como estas? Donde esta el bano? Tengo un novio grande…

      Sorry. That’s about all the Spanish I can remember from high school. I just wanted to match your impressive “hola” with an equally impressive Spanish rant. How’d I do?


      Thank you so much for reading, commiserating with me and my random craziness and enjoying. And I’m a huge fan of you and your Diet Coke obsession — as well as the fact that you’re not a Secret believer. Yay! Someone with some common sense!

  5. Ruth Zive (@rzive) says:

    Much as I LOVE me a mad lib, you already know me, so I’m not going to bore you with the details.

    For the benefit of your squillion umptillion readers, I’m a freelance copywriter, and my blog is at http://www.ruthzivecopywriting.com/posts.

    And I need more deets about the writing changes that are on the horizon!?!?!

    And I think that, without any doubt whatsoever, Ryan Gosling trumps Daniel Craig. No contest.

    • Mikalee Byerman says:

      Them are fightin’ words, Ruth: My Daniel could crush your Gosling with one steely gaze. I just know it…

      Anyone who is NOT reading your blog should start. Right now. GREAT stuff there…

      I’ll keep you posted on the writing news. Good stuff! 🙂

      • Lorie says:

        Sooo many references to this Daniel Craig that I took a serious look at him. OK. I get it. But, don’t you think that Gosling and Craig could have come out of, well, if not the same gene pool, at least gene pools in the same county? I say give my boy Ryan a few years to get all rugged-like, and you’ll be right here with Ruth and me. Or maybe I’m just a cougar. (I’m okay with that.)

        • Mikalee Byerman says:

          It’s not that I’m necessarily anti-Gosling…I’m just far more pro-Craig. And yes, it’s definitely his rugged features, the depth of his gaze, the imperfections of his face…

          Yummy. I’m just sayin’.

          And yeah, you’re both definitely cougars — as am I. But there’s NOTHING wrong with that!

  6. Desert Chronicler says:

    Guten Tag,

    My name is Darrin. My employer really doesn’t like us to create a nexus to them. They’re afraid that I might make them look bad. My opinions probably would. Witness my prior posts on our current president, and my upcoming post on political correctness. Suffice it to say that I’ve been in law enforcement since 1981. I live, work, and play in Imperial County, California.

    I like it when you write about things that expand from your center like ripples on a pond. We rise and fall through the peaks and troughs, learning something about you, life, and if we’re not careful, ourselves. Anyone who’s deeper than a rain puddle should be able to find truths applicable to their own lives, or the life of at least one person they know.

    What I like about you the most is that you care about your readers. You value our opinions, and you want to get to know us. Thanx for that.

    I blog under Desert Chronicler at http://www.desertchronicler.com. Why that name? I live in the desert, and I chronicle my thoughts about whatever is on my mind. I don’t have nearly the number of followers you have, but I’m working on it. In fact, I had four, I think I’m up to two now. I’m not a professional writer, but that’s something I hope to change before I’m dead.

    My blog doesn’t carry a consistent theme. You’ll find topics ranging from politics, to local plays, to family, and everything in between.

    StarTrek.com come is AWESOME! The USS Retribution has protected you from more Klingons, Romulans, Remans, Breen, Cardassians, Orion Pirates, and other baddies than you could shake a jumja stick at. You’re welcome.

    No, I could never be the next Bachelor. The last time I had women fighting over me, it was “You take him.” “I don’t want him, you take him.” ‘No, no, no, no, no.”Besides, I have a wonderful wife of 23+ years, and I don’t have to put up with the drama that the other 99.999% of men I now have to deal with. I wouldn’t want to start now.

    Speaking of my wife – She is the wisest person that I have ever met. She has run a home school program that has accumulated a total of 235 kids, and the list is growing. We don’t have any children of our own, but we don’t need them. She has so impacted many of them, their own parents don’t recognize them. That’s a good thing.

    The baby mockingbird one of those kids dropped in our lap lived for about 5 days. That happens all to often, and it never turns out well.

    I already follow you on FaceBook ;)~.

    And that’s two dead squirrels . . . in less than three months.

    • Mikalee Byerman says:

      Hell-ooo, Darrin! It’s nice to put a “real” name with a moniker…lovin’ this.

      So I just looked up where Imperial County is — we’re talking south-south-south in California! No wonder you probably have so much “politics” to rant about — I can only imagine.

      I absolutely care about my readers … my goal is to make this a very warm, welcoming community that loves to share humor, perspective and thoughts. And I thank YOU for being part of that!

      Congrats to you and your wife on your careers and marital bliss. It all sounds pretty darn healthy, happy and rewarding…

      Thank you so much for the fun comment — I love learning more about you guys!

  7. Carol says:

    Privet (that´s “Hello” in translittered Russian, since I´m intending to spend delightful vacations in Moscow this year), I´m Carol Morales, I´m a Portuguese professor in São Paulo, Brazil (yeah, Spanish is NOT the official language in all Latin American countries…!) and I absolutely can´t do without this blog anymore.
    Seriously, Mikalee´s brave, clever and sensitive posts / comments have helped me a great deal to elaborate about many issues I had only in my head and put them into paper (or screen, anyway) and ,after that, I felt so much better….! It also saved me a lot of money in aromatherapy and self help books 😉

    • Mikalee Byerman says:

      Well then, privet to you, Carol — I feel blessed that you shared some info about you, gave such a warm and wonderful compliment AND taught me something I didn’t know: how to say “hello” in Russian!

      Moscow must be AMAZING…have you been before?

      I’m so glad you’re part of this community and that you enjoy the blog. Thank you — and safe travels!

      • Carol says:

        You´re very welcome, dear.
        No, I´ve never been in Russia before, but last year I happened to travel to Cuba, where I found a lot of Russian people and, as they couldn´t stop praising their Kremlin and Red Square, I decided Moscow would be a fine destiny for my next vacations 😉
        Oh, I can´t BELEIVE your ex and his “wonderful” wife are trying to stop your blog. Actually, it sounds to me as if he was begging: “Please, Mikalee, stop telling everyone how reproachful we are…”

  8. Lori Dyan says:

    Hey Baby (murmured in a come-hither, Kathleen Turner circa Body Heat kind of voice),

    I’m Lori and I love when Mikalee writes about anything, cuz it’s sure to make me smile (or throw things, if it’s about the ex). I also like when she posts pictures of her hot boyfriend, cuz I’m pervy like that. I write about woo woo, the Serb, teaching my 4 yr old to sing Sweet Transvestite, and other stuff. http://www.loridyan.com

    Spill it, Mik – wussup with the writing!?!?!

    • Mikalee Byerman says:

      How you doin’? (spoken in a flirtatious, Joey Tribiani circa Friends kind of voice…)

      You rock. If I make you laugh, you make me laugh twice as hard. Mostly because, as I’ve mentioned in the comments of your blog before, the term “woo woo” in MY world has always referred to a woman’s nether regions; “down there”; the vajayjay; the bat cave; the vertical smile…

      (I could go on…)

      Anyhow, you can imagine how much I LOVE that you blog about woo woo!

      So, yeah: I’m not spillin’ about the writin’ until you stop lustin’ after the manfriend. Just sayin’. 😉

      • Lori Dyan says:

        It wasn’t lust…more like flust (friendly lust…very Canadian) 😀

        Verticle smile? You just made me laugh in a most unholy way on this very holy day…

  9. Bruce Stambaugh says:

    1. Hello. I’m Bruce, a freelance writer. I live near Millersburg, OH.
    2. I like when Mikalee writes about the humorous, interpersonal happenings in her life. (You’ll have to read between the lines on that one.)
    3. I blog at: http://brucestambaugh.wordpress.com/
    4. In honor of my late father, I’d like to say that I’m the most modest guy on the eNet. (No. It’s not a trick. You’ll just have to ask me about it. Just leave a comment on my blog.)
    5. Did I pass the test, Mikalee?

    • Mikalee Byerman says:

      You passed with flying colors, Bruce — and you know I enjoy your writing! Thank you for leaving such a great comment. You definitely ARE modest, and given that, I’m a little surprised that you actually enjoy my “humorous, interpersonal happenings.”


  10. paywindow7 says:

    Let’s see where to begin. I like to hear young kids laugh, I like mountains with snow above the timberline, I like classic rock, rainy days, reading books, writing short stories(vignettes I call them) , sunrise in the wilderness, fly fishing, driving fast, Jack Daniels and flying Cessnas that smell inside like old cars. Oh yeah I’m also in the gym three times a week for many tears so I guess that makes me a certified gym rat. My favorate books are Catch 22, Moby Dick, The Hobbit and on and on. Musically I like Stevie Ray Vaughn, CCR, Lenard Sinerd, Rolling Stones and too many more to name here. Years ago I served in the US Navy flying anti submarine patrols and search and rescue missions.
    I’m not religeous but Jesus Christ is my Lord.
    I have a blog of sorts http://www.paywindow7.wordpress.com . It’s not much of a blog, just someplace I can park my vignettes, but I’m still new at it and I’ll get better over time.

    My name is Bob but on the internet I go by signpilot and sometimes paywindow7. I don’t care which.
    I really like this Me 2 blog but who is this Byerman chick… really?

    • Mikalee Byerman says:

      Wow, Bob/signpilot/paywindow7…I feel like I know you so much better now! Awesome!

      I’m looking forward to reading some of your vignettes to learn even more. I can imagine with your diverse experiences and interests, you’ve got a LOT to write about!

      Thank you so much for the comment. And if you’d really care to know who I “really” am, I guess you’ll just have to keep reading. Deal?

    • Mikalee Byerman says:

      Ahhh, Pauline — definitely not frail and fragile, but instead, one of the toughest divorcees I have the pleasure of knowing!

      I’ll give y’all an update soon. Certainly don’t want to say anything that may curse the process — you know, my 2.0 version may be a bit skeptical and slightly pessimistic…

  11. 1stjoeyanna says:

    Hey you!
    I’m 1stjoeyanna or JoAnn(real name) It’s in my Gravatar, I think, please, not to much thinking! I hail from Illinois, however I now live in Minnesota! My mind runs a million miles a minute, so it’s hard to tame everything on my Blog http://backwards222.com. I love your writings! I have been discussing my withdrawls from prescribed pain meds, that I have decided I don’t want! Call me crazy! Trying to save my kidneys! Don’t want to rely on our health care system. I’ve probably have already said to much, but I can’t remember all your requirements. Brain fog, or pain fog, whichever you want to choose! This was fun!

    • Mikalee Byerman says:

      I’m so glad you shared, JoAnn — thank you for playing along!

      Wow: Illinois to Minnesota, huh? Maybe a little bit of culture shock?

      Best of luck on your journey; kidneys are DEFINITELY worth saving!

      • 1stjoeyanna says:

        A BIG CULTURE SHOCK! I’ve been here 10 yrs, and I still have a problem adjusting to well, fragile, integrity! Sorry Minnesota, not all of you are bad! 🙂 Thank you to replying to me! Love your site!

  12. superjack2468 says:

    1.Hi! I am Super Jack – a retired subject matter expert from Colorado Springs.

    2.I like it most when Mikalee uses the word “fuck” and its derivations whatever the topic. This impresses me because it shows that she is one those smart women who say fuck alot. Actually maybe I don’t like it but I am intrigued anyway and read on counting the number of times the word “fuck” appears. I sometimes include this count in my replies.

    3.I blog about Boxes and Getting Rich on the Internet and other things. I have zero followers. My blog is at http://superjackdoyle.blogspot.com I don’t have a Facebook page due to privacy concerns

    4.I like Texas. On a recent road trip I discovered Clifton, Texas in the Hill Country. I’d like to spend next Winter there.

    • Mikalee Byerman says:

      Hi back atcha, Super Jack — fun comment!

      Colorado Springs is a beautiful place — I’ve been there a few times. I’ve never been in Texas for any length of time, as I fear they wouldn’t appreciate my “type” there. You know, the type that says “fuck” a lot. I fear I may be ostracized. Or worse…

      I like that you blog about boxes.

      So you didn’t include a “fuck” count on this post — did I even say it once? If not, how bizarre!

  13. WordsFallFromMyEyes says:

    Hiya – great post! You should get a lot of interest in this one because we lurv to talk about ourselves!

    I’m Noeleen, my blog is entirely motivated by detailing a certain hardship time of my life, how my son & me survived it, & how we shone beyond. I would like to inspire others by my telling. I am http://www.wordsfallfrommyeyes.wordpress.com.

    Seeya! 🙂

    • Mikalee Byerman says:

      Love it, Noeleen — love that I’m learning more about you guys, love that you’re learning more about one another and love that we’re all seeing in black/white (and red) what you all write about! Thanks for sharing — and congrats again on your own journey, bloggy friend!

  14. TotalPoopHead says:

    Hi! I am: your brother. Who is apparently both a.) vicious and b.) a total poop head.

    I like it most when Mikalee writes about: anything but her vicious poop-head brother.

    I don’t have a personal blog, though I, too, have been known to write a great deal.

    If there’s one more thing I’m dying for you all to know: I still think my sister is a meanie muffin, especially when she calls me a vicious poop head to her 75 squillion-umptillion readers.

    • Mikalee Byerman says:

      Hey now: At least I didn’t note in this post that you are c.) a little bit country like Donny Osmond. You’d think there’d be some love for that!

      I’m honored that you left a comment; perhaps your vicious poop head status must be modified. Not today, but at some point in the distant future.

      Love you, brother. Dinner next week should be fun! 😉

  15. O. Leonard says:

    Hi! I am O. Leonard. Unlike O. Henry, Leonard is my real first name and I hate it so I go by Len. I was until last Monday, unemployed, but now I am a Senior Finance Analyst for a medical supply company albeit on temporary assignment. We relocated to Albuquerque, NM from Reno in October.

    I like it most when Mikalee writes about stuff. I came on board the blog the day you were Freshly Pressed and have been jealous ever since.

    I blog about stuff and here’s my link: whatthefluffy.wordpress.com

    Anything else you’re dying for us all to know? I prefer boxers, have been in love with Marisa Tomei for years, my idol list includes Mark Twain, John Grisham, Jean Shepherd, and Ron Howard, just to name a few, and I have a degree in Journalism which totally explains why I work in accounting.

    • Mikalee Byerman says:

      Hello there, Len! I had NO idea you were living in Reno — what a small world! How’s Albuquerque? And congrats on your job — that’s wonderful, despite (or perhaps because of) the fact it’s temporary!

      Now, I have to clarify: I’ve never been Freshly Pressed myself. I comment routinely on FP-ed blogs — perhaps that’s how you stumbled upon me? Regardless, I’m glad you’re here. Because of my swearing and “adult” topics — and because I have children and respect others’ children, too — I’ve set my blog rating at “Mature/adult content.” This is a no-no to the Freshly Pressed gods. So I have no possibility of going down that sacred road!

      I think I have a crush on Marisa Tomei, too…but don’t tell anyone, k?

      I know lots of people who are accountants with a journalism background. But you people are like aliens to me — how can someone who’s good at words also be good at math? That’s just crazy talk…


      • O. Leonard says:

        Mikalee, I’m pretty sure your blog was on the WordPress Home Page back in the early part of last year, soon after I started WTF. I remember a picture of a doll with blood coming out of it’s eye or something. I’m confused now. I know I found your humorous blog somehow and read most of the back stories. Maybe it was from one of your comments.

    • Mikalee Byerman says:

      Hi there, Bill from Australia! But shouldn’t we be saying “G’day”? Or is that just a stereotype with no basis in reality?


      Thank you so much for stopping by and sharing — I’m glad you left a link, and I look forward to checking out your presentations.

      So glad to get to know you better, Bill…

  16. Bradley Altman says:

    Hello, I am Bradley Altman and I am an insurance agent in Olympia Washington.
    My parents divorced when I was 2 years old so I find this blog fascinating. I have been reading it since Mikalee found feathers in her daughter’s hair. I love the extreme symbols, the brick, the squirrel, Diet Coke! (I am also a Diet Coke fan, although I did not decorate my house that way)
    I have a new blog at http://altmanagency.wordpress.com/ Not much to read yet, but watch out, there’s a lot of stuff just waiting to squirt all over the page, the screen, the keyboard, oh whatever.
    I have been married to the love of my life for more than 20 years and we have four beautiful children, the oldest is 20 and the youngest is 11. I coach football, my boys play football and my daughter was a cheerleader.

    • Mikalee Byerman says:

      Hey there, Bradley — I’m so glad you left a comment and let us all know a little more about you! I’m also glad that you can appreciate the crazy symbols in my life — as much as I don’t believe “The Universe” is listening, it sure does seem to have a good sense of humor. Or something like that.

      Can’t wait to read what you’ll be “squirting” all over the screen! Actually, that just kinda sounds gross…


      Congrats on your beautiful family and your successes!

  17. Bella says:

    I’m game!

    Hi! I’m Bella, full-time mother to two grown boys (one a spouse, the other, a son). I reside on the continent of Europe. Exact destination omitted for fear it will take diminish my allure and sense of mystery.

    I love it when Mikalee writes about funny, personal stuff. I love that we can commiserate from time to time.

    I blog at: http://gypsyroxylee.wordpress.com/

    I have a serious crush on Jim Caviezel and dream of one day being his person of interest! 🙂

    • Mikalee Byerman says:

      Hello, mysterious European Bella…I love it!

      Jim Caviezel is dreamy, I totally agree. But dontcha also love some Daniel Craig? How about some Colin Firth? Mmmm….

      Thanks for being here to commiserate — and share a little more about YOU!

  18. TheBehavioralChild says:

    Hi, I’m Megan. I think it is totally cool that you have a dark background with light font. I like how my words are looking in this here comment box 🙂

    I found my way here through your Facebook post link, introducing me to which I owe completely to one Desi Valentine (a BlogHer fellow blogger). Since this is the first post I’ve read, I’m not quite sure what I like about your writing (obviously enough to feel engaged). Generally, I like candid observations delivered with a healthy dose of humor and possibly a pinch or two of self-deprecation. But optimism works too, no problem.

    I am a behavioral therapist from California. I blog at http://mondaymorningmusings.me about, well, random musings which I write, well, on Mondays. Not about my job, God no, that would not be a good idea. Umm… nope, not a good idea. I am working on getting another blog off the ground, dealing with child raising using the principles of behavioral psychology.

    I love boxers on a guy. But unfortunately, they make my husband extremely horny. Like, the whole time he’s wearing them. Like, during the day. At work. In the car. Well, that is not a good idea. Nope, not a good idea at all.

    I’mma tracking down your linkage and following you wherever I can. Good luck 🙂

    • Mikalee Byerman says:

      I’m loving that we’ve connected through the Facebook Group. That was a good idea. Yip, definitely a good idea.


      You know, I do hope you poke around a bit deeper into my blog. Because “candid observations delivered with a healthy dose of humor and possibly a pinch or two of self-deprecation” is just about my EXACT recipe. So perhaps you’ll see some more that you like here?

      I can’t wait to journey over to your Monday musings page — what a great idea. I’m always overwhelmed on a Monday, so blogging about those thoughts would be a great way to purge and prepare for the week. Love it!

      I feel somewhat dirty after reading about your hubby’s boxer fetish. But I like it!

      Thank you so much for stopping by!

  19. mj monaghan says:

    Hello Ms. Byerman,

    You don’t know me, but I am … wait for … it …

    mj monaghan of the famous site: http://www.mjmonaghan.com/

    and I am your Writer. Best. Friend. Forever! (WBFF)!

    I currently hail from Roseville, Californa, but kept getting “holla’s” from across the Sierra that I have decided to move south a few hundred miles. Had nothing to do with you, though!

    I like it most when Mikalee writes about absolutely everything that drags across her fertile mind. Obviously, she is uber-uber-funny. Which means uber-uber laugh, laugh, laugh in English.

    I am a blogger – though many have questioned “WHY???” and begged “PLEASE STOP!!”

    Oops, here’s my link, again: http://www.mjmonaghan.com/

    I wear Boxer Briefs – as discussed in a previous post on my blog.

    I would most like to meet Mikalee Dyerman. Sounds so much like Byerman, doesn’t it??
    Okay, just kidding. I meant Byerman, not Dyerman. hehehe

    • Mikalee Byerman says:

      Wait: You mean…you’re THAT guy?!?! One of America’s preeminent writers/bloggers?!?! That hot dude who frantically rambles? The guy with the uber-sexy hat?!?!

      I’m honored by your presence, Mr. Monaghan. Even if your last name IS spelled wrong (what’s up with that silly silent “g,” anyhow?). And even IF you meant to visit that stupid Dyerman blog…

      People should totally read your blog, and they should totally read the post that inspired the boxer brief admission.

      And guess what: Brett wears those, too!

  20. Clint Walsh says:

    My name is Clint. I met Mikalee after her brother, Total Poophead, and I had a class together in 4th grade. I drive a truck. I like Mikalee’s humor and word choices, and I confess my compulsion to search for typos and syntactical errors. Similar to asking what crazy shit we believed when we were kids, I’d like to see a blog collection of the crazy shit our parents tried to make us believe.

    • Mikalee Byerman says:

      OK, Clint…friend of Total Poophead, searcher for typos and syntax boo-boos: Now you’ve opened a can of worms…

      What, pray tell, did YOUR parents try to make you believe as a child? This is an AWESOME idea for a post!

      • Clint Walsh says:

        My father once tried to tell me where babies come from. He began, “When a man and a woman love each other…” and went on to describe the ritual. By the pale light of a full moon, a husband and wife venture down to the river and wash each others’ underwear. And that’s where babies come from.

        You think I’m kidding.

  21. Sara Katherine says:

    Hi! I’m Sara-Katherine and I’m a journalism and political science student at Baylor University. I’m from Texas. I have just recently stumbled upon your blog but I’m liking what I see:) Did your husband/ex-husband/man you had relations with really sue you over your blog? I’d like to hear more about that…I blog about my humble, lovable, and accurate opinions. You can read them all here: http://athousandtimes1000.wordpress.com/

    • Mikalee Byerman says:

      Hey there, Sara-Katherine … nice to “virtually” meet you, and thank you for accepting the challenge. After your well-worded tease about your “humble, lovable and accurate opinions,” I can hardly wait to venture over and check out your blog!

      Yes, my ex-relations-man sued me to stop my blog — unsuccessfully. This was early on in my blogging career…seems he didn’t much like what I had to say about my divorce, despite the fact that it was 1.) true; 2.) anonymous (I NEVER use any real names — except my own); 3.) protected by that silly little Amendment to that silly little U.S. Constitution called the Bill of Rights. The post detailing the very beginning of those events is here: https://mikaleebyerman.wordpress.com/2010/11/18/oh-i%E2%80%99m-sorry-%E2%80%A6-am-i-blogging-too-loudly/. If you continue chronologically from that point, you’ll get to the end of that story — a resolution that allowed me to continue my blog.

      Of course, the greater irony is that he was suing me to stop my blog — while his new wife was leaving multiple comments under multiple identities to try to undermine my own confidence on the very blog they were suing me to stop! That lovely little story — called “I Spy With My Little Eye…a Blog Stalker?!?!” can be found here: https://mikaleebyerman.wordpress.com/2011/03/24/i-spy-with-my-little-eye-a-blog-stalker/.

      Thank you SO much for stopping by — definitely hope to see you around here again!

  22. monicastangledweb says:

    Hi Mik! This is Monica and what makes me special is all that I have in common with you! I love when you write from your heart about life, your guy, shopping and finding weird things for sale, as well as your honesty and your passion for Diet Coke. I already liked your FB page and if I could I’d like it again. I blog with humor about life, everything, and my dog, Henry.

    Find me at http://www.monicastangledweb.com.

    • Mikalee Byerman says:

      It’s true, you and I were probably separated at birth. But now that I know about you, I’m all kinds of jealous: You definitely got the prettier hair and complexion (I’m about as ghost white as they come!).

      You know I love your blog, and I do believe you also know that yours was the VERY FIRST blog I ever subscribed to…which is remarkable to consider! So I definitely feel a sense of sisterhood and camaraderie with you, my friend…

      Thank you for sharing a little about you with my readers, Monica!

      • monicastangledweb says:

        Actually, Mik, I didn’t know that I was your very first subscription! And now that I do now, I am SO, SO Honored! Girl, you’ve made my day! 🙂 (And, about this hair, if you ever come this way I’ll introduce you to Mimi, my hairdresser. She can work magic–and color–with anyone’s hair!)

  23. Impower You says:

    Hola. I am Leah, an author/illustrator/youth group leader/website manager from the San Diego, USA.

    I like it most when Mikalee writes about well, every post I read is funny so I guess.. anything?

    I blog about human rights and art http://writewhatuknow.wordpress.com

    Anything else… My newest goal is to become a certified self defense instructor.

    • Mikalee Byerman says:

      Hola Leah! I’m so glad you shared this — it sounds like every day for you might be a little different in your day job, considering the diverse “author/illustrator/youth group leader/website manager” job description…that’s pretty wacky!

      Your blog sounds fascinating. Now I need to see whether it’s the topics of human rights and art blogged about independently, or if you try to find the intersection of human rights and art. I would think the latter would be a difficult niche, considering you’d probably run out of pieces after a while!

      And BTW, what a cool goal — to become a certified self-defense instructor. Especially considering your “Impower You” moniker — love it!

      Thanks for playing along!

      • Impower You says:

        I do separate posts on human rights and art, but now I am on a quest to find some info on those two intersecting. Thanks for the idea.

        You’re welcome. I found a few other blogs to follow thanks to your game.

  24. Dee says:

    1.Hi, Ahoy Matey, I am Dee well not really but you will know me from FB as Dee Rocos Rascals Weir and I am a mum of 3 and my job is to keep FB alive well youd think it was the amount of time i spend on it (dont judge im lonely,that doesnt sound pathetic at all) from Thames, New Zealand (next to Australia)

    2.I like it most when Mikalee writes about LIFE. You have such a great way with words and its just awesome reading your updates

    3 I blog about My Bizzare Life and here’s my link: mybizarrelifeasiknow.blogspot.com

    4.Anything else you’re dying for us all to know? My youngest son (now 4) was born with 4 heart defects,at age nearly 2 they found another one (defect not heart) We are doing a 5 minute jump into freezing cold water to raise funds for @heart who help families like ours with kids/family members with bung hearts. We are trying to get the word out and a bit of sponsorship so was hoping you could share this with your friends,family and fans. Anything is most appreciated you can also check us out on FB on Raising With Rocos Rascals or http://www.heartstopper.org.nz/rocos_rascals. Keep up your awesome work. Thankyou for showing me im not the only one with a bat shit crazy life when it comes to my ex.

    • Mikalee Byerman says:

      Ahoy, Dee — and thank you so much for sharing! I sat in stunned silence as I was reading your personal description. As a mom of 2 healthy children, I count my blessings daily…but I also feel so much compassion for moms who aren’t as lucky. It sounds like you have an incredible fighter on your hands, and I’ll be happy to check out your page and follow your journey.

      I’ve said it before: It’s SO fun to see readers from all over the world congregated at this tiny little piece of Internet real estate. New Zealand…too cool!

      Thank you so much for reading, enjoying and fighting the good fight. Yes, it seems MANY of us share some crazy commonalities when it comes to the exes in our lives — I’m so glad we’re all here for each other!

  25. thoughtsappear says:

    Hi! I am Thoughtsy, and I am a technical writer from the DC Metro area. I found your blog forever ago when I was going through a break up, and then I forgot to bookmark it. So I only recently found you again, but my favorite posts were the Coke refrigerator and drining on an airplane.

    I blog about everything. But movies, Pop-Tarts, and anything funny that happens to me are the usual topics.

    • Mikalee Byerman says:

      Hello there, Thoughtsy…glad you made your way back to the blog — we missed you!

      I am absolutely fascinated by the idea that Pop Tarts can serve as inspiration for your blog. AWESOME. I’ll be checking out the “how/why” of that whole situation for myself!

      Thanks so much for checking in and sharing a little more about you. 🙂

  26. Julie Frayn says:

    Hi! I am Julie and I am an accountant by day from Calgary, Alberta.
    I like it most when Mikalee writes about anything, because she’s freaking hilarious.
    I don’t blog about my divorce because it took ten years to happen and I don’t want to waste any more time on that… So I blog about writing and life and penis spam. I blog as a way to dump TMI from my brain and make room for things like remembering what I ate for breakfast. Find me at http://juliebird.ca
    I think I’ve said enough. Except I have two perfect children, all growed up. And I am a jar of pickles.

    • Mikalee Byerman says:

      You definitely ARE a jar of pickles — and anyone wondering what that means will have to stop by your fun blog. I’m grateful to the preeminent blogger MJ Monaghan for introducing us!

      I’m also glad you think I’m freaking hilarious. Back atcha, babe.

      Congrats on the two perfect children and the 10-year-old divorce. My children also happen to be perfect (and the inspiration for much of my daily laughter — and oftentimes a blog post or two). It’s pretty amazing to be the parents of such perfect creatures, wouldn’t ya say?


      • Julie Frayn says:

        Yes, it is amazing and humbling to have spawned perfection. And to think it happened even with the, er, inputs of the other party to the 10 year old divorce.

        Because he did introduce us, I will forgive MJ that he shares the same first name as said other party… 🙂

  27. Andra Watkins says:

    I’m Andra, and I live in Charleston, South Carolina. Yes, THE SOUTH. Yes, I have an accent and everything.

    I like it when you write about penis tiaras, Mikalee, but I think your overall voice is unique, and I enjoy it every time I stop by.

    I am The Accidental Cootchie Mama. I would say my blog is about my cootchie, but that might be uncouth…… http://andrawatkins.com/

    I just liked your Facebook page. I hope you’ll like mine, too. The blogging group is a cracked place. You will fit right in. 🙂 Welcome.

    • Mikalee Byerman says:

      Hey there, Andra! I do love that you’re from “THE SOUTH” — I’ve had adventures there, too. I hope you’ll read https://mikaleebyerman.wordpress.com/2011/11/11/the-adventures-of-hive-boy-and-writer-girl/…your almost-home is mentioned! We flew into Charleston, after all, then made our way north to Myrtle Beach. Quite the adventure. It’s an absolutely fascinating part of the country, and since my boyfriend’s children live there, I’m guessing we’ll be back — soon!

      Thank you for sharing your info, too. If blogging about your cootchie is anything like blogging about your woo woo (see Lori Dyan’s comment and my response, above), then you and I will get along just fine…

      Already fanned your FB page — looking forward to staying connected through our fun group!

  28. sportsjim81 says:

    Ello Gov’na. Alright, that was a bad attempt at British humor. Well, my name is Jim (though in this setting, you may feel more comfortable referring to me as The Wordslinger) and I live in Baltimore, MD where I am an aspiring author and current number cruncher…since this writing thing aint quite paying the bills yet.

    I like it when Mikalee writes just about anything. She could copy the dictionary as a blog post and find ways to make it freakin’ hilarious.

    I am a blogger, of course, and you can find me over at The Wordslinger (http://sportsjim81.wordpress.com). I write mostly humor about my family, specifically my two little ones (with one more on the way), life in general, and lately about the progress of my novel. That’s right, I’m writin’ a book! So if you care to waste a few minutes of your day, and your Angry Birds app is on the fritz, feel free to stop over.

    Oh, and here is my obligatory “Mikalee is the best, most awesomest, super funny, talented, blogger chick I’ve ever had the misfortune of accidentally stumbling upon in my google results after mispelling a search term” comment. You’re welcome!

    • Mikalee Byerman says:

      Ha! You totally freaked me out with your greeting: That’s the exact thing Boyfriend Brett says to my kids every time he sees them. And they do it right back at him! Great minds…

      Yes, everyone, Jim aka “Wordslinger” is that super-dee-duper famous Freshly Pressed blogger from just last week!!! I’m honored you stopped by and left a response, as I’m quite confident your fingers are still in pain. 1,100 comments, my friend?!?! Or at least, last I checked…

      You know I love your blog. And you also know that I must accept your challenge and tackle the dictionary soon.

      Game. On.

      Congrats on your successes, the coming baby (the real one, not the novel), the novel — everything! 🙂

    • Mikalee Byerman says:

      Hey, Lynley — welcome!

      Not sure if you know or not, but you were my 200th “Like” on my Facebook page, so you got a special shout-out there as well — many thanks for joining the conversation.

      Can’t wait to check out your blog…and thank you again for enjoying mine!

  29. Mimi says:

    Ma non est Mimi and I currently live in Allemans du Dropt, France. I am your longtime friend, supervised by you for a time, and later … after you left that unnamed newspaper job … became one of your editors. I found your blog because you told me about it, read it because we are friends, and enjoy its because you are a brilliant storyteller. I am starting a travel blog, but haven’t posted to it yet, so I won’t mention it here … yet. I enjoy everything you write, but laughed out loud when I read about your most recent trip to south Carolina. See you in October for a super-special GNO.

    • Mikalee Byerman says:

      Aww, Mimi — you took the time to comment from all the way around the world?!?! I’m honored — and I miss you already, mon petit loutre (yes, I’m SUPER cool: that means “my little otter” in French. I *heart* About.com and it’s “French terms of endearment” page)!

      And you know I CAN’T WAIT for your blog to go live…I’m humbled that you think I’m a brilliant storyteller, but you know I feel the same about you. And an American Expat in France — what a great blog topic!

      Enjoy your journey, dear friend … and thank you for stopping by. Can’t wait for October and Girls’ Night!!!

  30. Dy says:

    1. Hey ya’ll! I’m Dy, and I’m a transplant to the deep south; one who also (GASP!) doesn’t care for grits.
    2. I like it most when Mikalee writes about her ex and her divorce. Mostly because it makes my life after my divorce look good in comparison.
    3. I blog about random things pertaining to my life and personal finances and here’s my link: http://dyndebt.blogspot.com (Please don’t expect the same level of writing as found here, the dead squirrel gods haven’t blessed me, yet.)
    4. Anything else you’re dying for us all to know? My addiction to Diet Mt. Dew could rival your Diet Coke habit. When the two closest suppliers to my office stopped carrying Diet Mt. Dew I almost staged a protest. “Occupy Walgreens” doesn’t have the same panache.

    • Mikalee Byerman says:

      Well hello, Dy — nice to officially “meet” you! I must say that I don’t think I’ve ever, ever, ever met someone from the deep south who doesn’t like grits. Your friends and family in that region must look at you like you’re an alien!

      Can’t wait to check out your page … I’m sure the dead squirrel gods hath bestowed upon you abundant nutty wealth… 😉

      I can’t even imagine what would happen if I couldn’t have access to my beloved Diet Coke — so I feel your pain! And I don’t know, I’m kinda diggin’ the “Occupy Walgreens” moniker. I think it could stick. Just let me know if you need me to join from this side of the country.

      Thank you for playing along — love getting to know you better!

  31. Nora Blithe says:

    Hi, my name’s Nora and I’m a writer. I have a blog called Door in Face and you can find it at doorinface.com (oddly enough). This is my first trip to your blog but I liked “meanie muffin.” so more of that sounds good. Oh, and more Daniel Craig is never, ever bad. Ever. I have a nasty chocolate habit that I’m no way trying to kick.

    • Mikalee Byerman says:

      Hi, Nora — nice to meet a fellow writer! Can’t wait to check out your blog…there’s definitely more “meanie muffin”-esque writing among these pages, so I do hope you continue to peruse and enjoy.

      Best of luck (not) kicking that chocolate habit. I’m in the exact same boat…and it’s so much FUN!

  32. X-man says:

    Hello Mikalee,
    Love your blog, missing sh(tuff) about the ex, the ex’s wife and how things are progressing. Your previous sh(tuff) about them was incredibly amusing, nauseating, spell-binding……!
    always makes my day!

  33. Dana says:

    Hey Mikalee! I’m Dana from beautiful Victoria, British Columbia. My dear husband and I are self-employed as non-starving artists, which just so happens to be the best job in the whole world. 🙂

    I love the random shit that you write about already. I like never knowing what to expect when I find one of your new posts in my inbox– to hell with cohesion and single-topic blogs!

    I am also a blogger who writes mostly about random, non-cohesive shit, too– cooking/making stuff, selling art, going on mini-adventures, etc. My blog is here: http://www.zonapellucida.wordpress.com

    I don’t always get a chance to comment on your blog, but I read all of your posts and usually get a good laugh. Thanks for being you! 🙂

    • Mikalee Byerman says:

      Wow, Dana — I’m so jealous of your surroundings AND of your self-employed/non-starving success! I’m working on that last part: We’re definitely not starving, but I’d settle for “not stressing” too … the sleepless nights are just about killing me…

      Can’t wait to check out your non-cohesive-shit blog. You KNOW I love me some randomness!

      Congrats on everything, and thank you for stopping by and sharing. I love getting to know my readers a little better!

  34. Lorie says:

    Hi. My name is Lorie. I’ve read so many of these responses that I have forgotten the prompts. I can’t go back to the top to check, because I have ADD, and, well, let’s just say I tried that YESTERDAY, and, wait… What kind of bird was that just outside my window?

    I tend to choke whenever it’s my turn to “tell the group a little something about yourself,” so I’m feeling kinda apprehensive just now. Amazing, since I always feel like I have something (great) to say.

    I’m also a bit worried about effing up my grammar/punctuation.

    (…fight or flight, fight or flight…)

    Here’s what I said in my profile on the knitting website “ravelry”:
    “My daughters are all grown up, and my employer recently decided that my services were no longer needed. (Hah!) For years I’ve been saying, “I can make clothing out of STRING – there has GOT to be a better way for me to make a living!” Well, now I finally have time to develop and produce all of those sweaters I’ve been designing in my head and scribbling notes for!”

    I am trying to develop a blog/website, but… Seriously, what kind of BIRD was that?

    Oh, wait, I think I remember now. I like reading Mikalee’s writing because she’s not only funny, she’s really smart. I like that. There’s entirely too much stupid shit out there. I appreciate smart. It gives me hope.

    • Mikalee Byerman says:

      Hey there Lorie — LOVE your introduction! You should totally use part of this on your “About” page, once you’re up and running. I think many of us in similar ADD/ADHD places can SO relate.

      Never worry about grammar/punctuation, by the way. I may be an editor in my professional life, but my blog is a judgment-free zone.

      I do hope you stop by and let us know when your site is underway. I can’t even imagine how talented you must be to make your own clothing. I’m fairly confident I could make a scarf, but even that would take years.

      And by the way, it was a great spotted cuckoo. Trust me on that…

      Thank you SO much for stopping by!

  35. Helen W. Mallon says:

    Okey doke! What I like about your blog (getting REAL literary here)–the writing voice. You can’t be funny unnaturally. One can’t. Certainly, one shouldn’t. Reading someone who tries to be funny is like sitting through a performance by a bad Elvis impersonator. You, however, are the real thing–a GOOD Elvis impersonator. So it’s the writing voice that carries the humor. (How you write, not what you write.) (A+)

    What were the questions?

    Oh, I’m Helen. I am not actually authorized to issue grades here or anywhere else. When I was 18, I got married in a graveyard, in November, in the dark, wearing a raincoat.

    My blog is http://ftheeiwasateenagequaker.wordpress.com/ and I write SHORT posts about Buddhist practice and writing.

    • Mikalee Byerman says:

      Wow, Helen — what a wonderful compliment you just threw my way. I seriously LOVE being equated to a good Elvis impersonator…so much so, I may just add that to my business card. Seriously. No joke. That’s just quirky enough to make the cut.

      Plus, Boyfriend Brett has often suggested we get married by an Elvis impersonator in Las Vegas, so there’s some GREAT symmetry here!

      It’s absolutely fabulous to “virtually” meet you, Helen. Can’t wait to check out your writing — sounds fascinating!

  36. Rob Rubin says:

    I normally don’t play these silly games, but for you Mikalee, I’ll make an exception:

    Shalom! I am Rob, a jaded, cubicle-ridden IT programmer by day and sophisticatedly stupid blogger by night – from the luxurious town of Holly Springs, NC. (We have a Waffle House.)

    I like it most when Mikalee writes about all you can eat Chinese buffets. Have you written about that yet? Oh, you should.

    I blog about all sorts of fun stuff, but mostly about Rick Santorum and porn and here’s my link: http://themainland.net

    P.S. I recently moved The Mainland to my own host, and despite a blood oath that I made my 150+ followers sign before moving, only about 10 followed through. The rest must be off hiding in Tijuana or something. So, please come check me out. I’m lonely and watching reruns of Golden Girls.

    • Mikalee Byerman says:

      Awwww, Rob — I’m so glad you made an exception here. It’s AWESOME to get to know the faces floating around the blogosphere just a little better, wouldn’t you say? And we definitely can’t have you watching too many Golden Girls reruns…that’s just tragic, after all.

      So did you migrate from WordPress.com to WordPress.org? I’m considering a move, so your feedback would be most appreciated!

      I will check your Chinese buffet bet and raise you a post about a naked mole rat. Or a blobfish. (And you should seriously check both of those out, if you have a moment when Rue McClanahan isn’t making a funny quip…)

      SO glad you stopped by and played along, Rob!

      • Rob Rubin says:

        When I lived in San Diego, the news did a feature on naked mole rats…was a slow news day.

        And yes, I did move to WordPress.org. While not as many of my WordPress.com followers resubscribed as I had hoped, I do get a lot of nice spammers who seem genuninely concerned about my manhood.

        I’d be happy to discuss my expereince in more detail if you like.

  37. kitchenmudge says:

    Well, you know me. I’m another WordPressian (Jawohl!) with a blog that hardly anyone reads. Unlike Mikalee, I don’t write about my personal life. There are very few such blogs that I find tolerable, but this is one. She simply knows how to be entertaining.

    I love when she finds some new twist to the ways of the universe: the dead squirrels, possession by the Lady in Red, even the mighty Coca-Cola taking garbled orders from the Universe.

    I will never have a Facebook account for reasons clearly set forth here:

    so this blog is my only connection with Mikalee. She needs to blog more, but I understand a need to maintain quality.

  38. talesfromthemotherland says:

    Hi, my name is Dawn. I’m the mother of 3 kids of my own and currently two foreign exchange students: a girl from Denmark and a boy from China. I am a writer and snarky, sarcastic b-word as well. I can’t help it; it’s in my DNA. Admittedly, I’m nicer than I admit as well.

    There are so many things I love (yes, love… if I haven’t said it privately yet, I’ll say it publicly here: I love you Mikalee) about you M. I came on long after your divorce, so I didn’t join for that… However, I did go back and read almost all of those posts as well. I love your “spin.” I think we are sisters separated at birth; I totally get how you think. I like the obvious stuff: like your wonderful sense of humor and your quirky ways of seeing the world. I really appreciate your respect and attitude toward your readers. I think that’s really important, and like you, I respond to every comment… because that’s why I write, to be read. You get that too: that you make the effort to acknowledge those who put energy in your direction. I enjoy the voice you use in your writing, and that comes through no matter what the topic.

    I write about my life. My mom died of Huntington’s 3 months ago; I live with a brilliant man, who sometimes drives me nuts. I’ve raised 3 great kids (2 in college). I write about my adventures with the U.N. (Denmark, China, U.S., Israel and Canada). I write about running away to Yellowstone and my ongoing desire to find maintain my own groove. I have written a novel, that is on its 2nd reading with a publisher… but I am being realistic and don’t anticipate that panning out. (Though my fingers remain crossed.) You can read about me at: http://talesfromthemotherland.me/

    Regardless of what your Ex (read Dick) allows or doesn’t allow you to write about, I will remain a faithful reader, because you’re good. That’s what I want when I read other blogs, other writers, when I read anything: I want it to be good. You have talent, and I come back for that. All the best Mikalee… I do love you (though I am not stalking you.)

    • Mikalee Byerman says:

      Hello my favorite stalker! I mean, Dawn…


      You know how much I love your snarky, sarcastic humor, which was so powerfully tempered during the time of your mother’s passing. Your blogs are always emotional, intricate, fun, intriguing, intelligent — you are such a great writer that I have NO DOUBT the publishing thing will pan out. If not this one (it’s rarely the first after all, right?) then soon. I hope you know my fingers and toes are crossed for you!

      Thank you so much for the kind words about my writing. I’m loving this journey, but my favorite part is sharing it with such an amazing group. And of course, you’re such a great supporter — of me and of others. I couldn’t be more grateful for this community, and you’re a huge part!

      Now I’m off to file that restraining order. It’s only a temporary one…


  39. sumtercountycandle says:


    My name is Mike, I write a blog at sumtercountycandle and would love to have you stop on by sometime. I have created 3 companies in the last 10 years with the latest being the candle company, strange choice I know but there is a really good story behind the madness. I get lots of grief from just about everyone regarding a man starting a candle company (I am not gay…lol) from both men and women. This blogging is totally new but I must admit that I like it, just dont have much time to work with it.
    I live in Florida and have one son.
    thanks and bye bye for now

    • Mikalee Byerman says:

      Didn’t I recently read a story about the founder of Yankee Candle — also a guy, and also a candle entrepreneur despite his friends’/families’ misgivings? Or am I totally wrong here?

      Regardless, I think i’t awesome that you’re so successful and enjoying it all. Best of luck with the blog as well!

  40. meladjusted says:

    Greetings, I am Melanie of Meladjusted – hmmmm – insert link here, I haven’t learnt that yet – could one not just hover over my picture? In real life I don’t have enough time to blog (and by that I mean, write, read, comment on my own blog, read, write and comment on all the other really good blogs out here in the blogosphere) But I do love it and treat it like a special bit of chocolate that needs to be savoured so I try and only imbibe the good stuff and for me your blogs is one of them – don’t get a big head now, arrogance is rarely attractive in anyone but oneself. But enough about you,

    I am a physical rehabilitation therapist, teaching people to breathe and waggle their limbs mostly and sometimes even to the point being ambulatory – that’s the best part of it. Wife of one and mother of an Eldest and a Youngest.

    I enjoy reading about your life from far away because it seems nothing like mine but you’re living it to the fullest with a sterling sense of humour. I must admit I’ve like the bits about you and your sibling (i hurt myself laughing about being bustled into a photo booth – and showed the photo to anyone who would listen and laugh with me) but I fear that you might have tapped that out since you’ve called him such terrible names on your massive public forum – family gatherings are going to be awkward if you both have too much to drink – resentment has a way of building up – just saying….

    Oh and I live in a tiny little town like Cabot Cove of Murder She Wrote fame – except it’s on the tip of the South African coast and since she doesn’t live here not too many people have been dead under the circumstance that would warrant a detective.

    • Mikalee Byerman says:

      Melanie — it’s so nice to learn a little more about you! I’m WAY impressed by your “day job” … I can’t imagine what a difficult (albeit rewarding) job that is. I guess in light of your super-stressful career, I’m very glad that your life and my life aren’t too similar. But I’m also glad you’re able to find the funny in my silly musings.

      My brother is an amazing sport, and he knows that the “terrible names” I’ve called him (Poop Head IS the worst, isn’t it?) are all in good fun. You should see the stuff he says about me on Facebook! Oh, wait…that’s the stuff I say about him on Facebook. Crap.

      Well I’ve always been attracted to Cabot-Cove-like places without the Cabot-Cove-like death and dying, so your town sounds pretty darn ideal. Congrats on your successes, and again, thank you for sharing!

  41. Dee says:

    Hi Mikalee, I am Dee from Chennai, India. Hope it’s not too late to join the party!

    I got here from Simply Solo a few months back, and have been a fan since. Love reading absolutely anything that you write. I wish I could be half as honest as you are, but my conservative upbringing stifles my thoughts even before they are written. It is tough being a divorcee in a community like mine, so I like to live vicariously through you. I know that sounds pathetic, but I promise it is not as bad as it sounds. I am healed, healthy and ready for “the Universe” to send me my million dollar check.

    • Mikalee Byerman says:

      Hi there, Dee — not too late at all. Welcome to the party!

      Love Catherine of Simply Solo fame, so I’m so glad our mutual blog buddy sent you my way. I can completely understand how you must feel “stifled” by your upbringing — I’m fairly confident many cultures would sorta frown upon my particular brand of humor and outrageous writing. But I’m so glad you can find some humor in it — and I’m so glad you’re here with us!

      And hey, if The Universe sends you that check — would you mind reminding her that she owes me one as well? Great thanks… 😉

  42. Mars says:

    Mabuhay! That’s how we welcome people in the Philippines. Or so I think? I have a terrible memory. The only addresses I remember is our home address and P. Sherman 42 Wallaby Way Sydney. I can be called Mars or Bogs or whatever crappy name people fancy calling me, I’m fine with it and I’d surely forget it soon, too. I’m a wanderer from the busiest city in my country.

    I’m a newby in this blog but frankly got easily swayed into reading more of what this blog has to offer–and I thought it was a lot. There’s something in the way you blog that has drawn me in, the randomness, honesty or perhaps, your witty and humorous writing voice. Glad to stumble upon your blog and am sure to come back for more. And I doubt I’d remember that tomorrow so I’m subscribing just to make sure.

    • Mikalee Byerman says:

      Welcome Mars/Bogs/Nemo fan … I’m glad you’re here! Anyone who quotes Finding Nemo is welcome in our community. “Just keep swimming just keep swimming just keep swimming” is my mantra, so you KNOW I’m a fan!

      Thank you for finding some wit and humor buried in my random musings. I’m always encouraged when others “hear” the same voice that’s inside my head. I’m definitely not the type of writer who appeals to everyone — but it seems some of you (read: the cool kids) can definitely relate.

      Take care, and I look forward to seeing you around these parts again!

  43. Harold says:

    Hi everyone! That’s how I start out my blogs.
    I’m Harold I am a plumber in the western suburbs of Chicago
    I like it when Mikalee mentions her long supple legs, or is it that I like to mention them?…hmmm
    You did bring it up at some point! I just can’t forget it and try to mention it when i can fit it in. This gave me an opening and I took it! Mikalee loves me anyway because I am her minnion. I may be her only minnion so she HAS to put up with me!
    My blog is haroldwoodcrafting and I started out talking about my wood crafts until I got caught up, so I have evolved to talking about other things as a fancy hits me.
    I also have a business web page and a Facebook page Harold Warner Plumbing come like me there!

    • Mikalee Byerman says:

      I do love how you start your blogs — so friendly, which is what your readers can expect from you. Friendly…and perhaps a little stuck on the question posed by that one crazy blog stalker of mine! Haha…I know it’s all in good fun, Harold.

      I’m so glad you’re here and gave us some insights into you. Now I’m off to find your Facebook fan page!

  44. ~Sil in Corea says:

    I’m ~Sil in Corea, aka sillama1, and I have 3 blogs which don’t get as many entries as they used to. I’m a retired teacher, teaching (cuz I love it) English conversation in South Korea. I’ll be 70 in July 2012. Most of my interesting entries are at http://www.diaryland.com/sillama1
    I pasted some old journal entries from Geocities, about life in Maine. Then it jumps to my laast entries before I switched to Xanga. There’s some good stuff in there, and I left in many of my first impressions (which later proved to be wrong, as you will see). I’d say that it would pay to go to the table of contents and start at the beginning, unless you want to read about life on a farm in Maine and dealing with bouts of unemployment. My entries at Xanga have been less read-worthy with a couple of exceptions, but here’s the link: http://sillama1.xanga.com
    The third is a mirror site, so not worth chasing down.

    • Mikalee Byerman says:

      Wow — how the HECK do you manage to keep it all sorted out on three blogs…I have a hard enough time with one!

      Thanks for giving us some insight into you, Sil. You’ve had quite the adventurous life — I’m jealous!

  45. Anne Schilde says:

    Um… I’m Annie and I’m a ghost from Great Falls, South Carolina except after I made that up I found out it really existed so not there.

    I like it most when Mikalee writes responses to my comments to be honest. I would like responses to my stories even better but in 126 posts to date, there’s never been one of those. I did really identify with the Lady in Red.

    I blog (mostly) autobiographical fiction (mostly) based on stuff I dream at: http://anneschilde.wordpress.com.

    There’s not really anything I’m dying for anyone to know. Been. There. Done. That.

    • Mikalee Byerman says:

      That’s pretty eerie…considering your avatar looks so ghostlike and all…


      I’ve often thought about blogging more often about my dreams. I find that especially when I take a sleeping pill, I have some seriously messed up dreams. Can’t wait to check yours out — and what a fantastic idea, to make the basis of your writing your half-real-half-dream life!

      • Anne Schilde says:

        Haha, I was just perusing the 6,000+ words of notes I have just of odds and ends I dream that I haven’t written. Messed up is a good way to put it. I don’t ever recommend straying from what you normally blog, and I love what you do. But if you decide to explore a crazy dream, I’m down with that.

  46. speccy says:

    Hi, I’m Speccy, from Ireland. MJ Monaghan (totally the right spelling 🙂 ) sent me this way a few months ago.
    I subscribed because I like your humour, and view of the world. Ididn’t know about your facebook group, so I’ll check that out too.
    I blog at https://memineandotherbits.wordpress.com – a personal blog about the everyday. The guy who blogs about boxes probably has more followers.
    This is a great idea; now I have loads of blogs to check out that I wouldn’t have come across otherwise. Good thinking.

    • Mikalee Byerman says:

      Mr. Monaghan (there’s totally an extra “g” in there…trust me) is the very best — I’ll have to thank him for the referral. And I’m SO glad you’re enjoying the humor here…thank you!

      Love the name of your blog, by the way. Too cute. And I’ll bet the box guy doesn’t have a name that’s half as compelling…

      I’m so glad you enjoyed the exercise and added your .02. Thank you, Speccy!

  47. Jacquie Finister says:


    I’m Jacquie and I’m a ‘jack of all trades’ project manager (which is just a ‘grown up’ name for a control-freak-list-making-bossy-britches). I live in Leeds which is in Yorkshire, England with my husband and 5 (occasionally 6) cats – no kids.

    I like it most when Mikalee writes about anything really – well I keep reading the posts so that’s gotta be a good sign hasn’t it?

    I have 2 blogs – New York State of Mind http://newyorkmind.wordpress.com/ where I blog about (you guessed it) New York, and another one – 101 Uses For A Fork http://101usesforafork.wordpress.com where I blog about pretty much anything and everything else (heavy on the cooking side by the look of it!!)

    I have a Twitter account (@JaxFinister) but keep my Facebook one ‘hidden’ – I’m strange like that – tell the world anything and everything via WordPress and Twitter, but only share my Facebook stuff with certain folks… Go figure!

    J 🙂

    • Mikalee Byerman says:

      Hi, Jacquie! From one control-freak-list-making-bossy-britches to another: I’m SO glad you’re here!

      And wow: 5 cats?!?! Sometimes 6?!?! How do you possibly afford it/keep track of them/keep the house smelling April fresh? I’m impressed…

      GREAT blog ideas — I’m excited to check ’em out.

      Thank you for sharing!

  48. muddledmom says:

    Howdy, I’m Karen from NC. Just started following you a few weeks ago. I mostly write about being a mom and not knowing what the hell I’m doing most of the time at http://muddledmom.wordpress.com/. I’m a freelance writer and copy editor when I’m not blogging and trying to figure out how many moons Venus has for my son or who Megan Fox is and why the boys in my son’s class are Googling her. WTF? Off to check out this penis tiara now.

    • Mikalee Byerman says:

      Hey there Karen — and welcome to the fray! So glad you’re here and sharing a bit about you. As a mom who rarely knows what she’s doing herself — as well as a freelance writer and editor — I think we have much in common!

      And yeah, about Megan Fox: My son’s class is fixated on her, too. He’s in the seventh grade…how about yours?

      Thanks so much for the great introduction. 🙂

  49. twindaddy says:

    Hi! (…or G’day, Cheerio, Ahoy Matey, おはよう – whatever works for you). I am (Twindaddy, duh) and I am a (IT professional) from (Northern Kentucky/Cincinnati).
    I like it most when Mikalee writes about anything….it’s all good. (If you’re a new reader, feel free to ignore this one…)
    (If you’re a blogger:) I blog about (whatever inspires me to write…plus some fiction and poetry occasionally) and here’s my link: http://stuphblog.wordpress.com/.
    Anything else you’re dying for us all to know? (Boxers or briefs? briefs….Celebrity crush? celebrities annoy me…..Person you wish you could knee in the ‘nads…just once? my ex…..Just some ideas for you – or you can skip this one altogether…)

    • Mikalee Byerman says:

      Hey there Twindaddy…nice to learn a little more about you! Glad that you’re here and still enjoying — you’ve been around these parts for a while now, and I always fear that it’ll all get old some day for the long-time readers!

      Very subtle reference to the “ex” in that last part there — I can relate!

  50. Ashley says:

    Hi! I’m Ashley from Nashville, TN – and I like my grits with sugar and butter) I’ve been following you awhile – and you never fail to make me laugh. I love whatever you write about, so I don’t have a favorite. My day job is too boring to mention, but I do like to blog when the mood hits. Here’s my link if you’re so inclined: http://ashley62.wordpress.com/ My family had a rough last couple of years, but hopefully my musings reflect more light than dark:)

    • Mikalee Byerman says:

      Ashley, Ashley, Ashley…EWWWWWW with the grits! But then again, you already know how I feel about that…


      I’m excited to check out your blog as well. I’m someone who also tries to turn darkness into light, so I can relate!

      Thank you for sharing!

  51. Turn Around and Swim Life | Lessons| Laughter | Love says:

    I am still figuring out who I am when I am not mother, wife, sister, daughter, friend, business owner, marathoin runner or at least half of one (13.1) etc., etc. Perhaps when I least expect (like while during blogging) I will discover something else that I am or dream to be. I cannot sing nor draw but maybe I can write a teeny, tiny bit? Anyways, this is what I am bout while here in blog world. Thanks for asking!


    • Mikalee Byerman says:

      I guess my only question is: Do you really NEED to be anything besides your accomplished, comprehensive list? I’m WAY impressed!

      Congrats on your successes, and thank you so much for sharing a little about you…

      • Turn Around and Swim Life | Lessons| Laughter | Love says:

        Thanks, but no need to be impressed. Behind that list is a Starbucks strung out exhausted mama. Usually. Now that my oldest son is almost in the double digits, they days of going to bed at 8:30 are coming to a close. Ha ha! Seriously, I wish once in awhile my little guys could tuck me in. I do not think I have slept in 9 years. The sacrifices we make for our kiddies, right? Before I know it, they will be off to college…

  52. Mark Petruska says:

    Hi, my name is…what? My name is…who? My name is…

    Oops. That was rather shady of me.

    You already know who I am, Mikalee. IRS agent by day, serial killer by night. My blog pretty much covers those exploits already…yawn.

    I love when you write about ghosts. And mention vertical smiles. Not necessarily in that order.

    Carry on, friend!

  53. Emma Semple says:

    Hello, I am Emma, I am a young mum to lovely 7 and a half month old baby girl called Grace. I’m from Taupo, New Zealand, a cold lake side town smack bang in the middle of the north island.
    I have read (truthfully) every single post on this blog and loved them all! I find you to be a brilliant writer, very funny.
    I blog about various things, mostly complaints about mundane every day tasks that people have no care for. You can find me here: emmasemple.wordpress.com

    • Mikalee Byerman says:

      Well hello, Emma — and welcome! Congrats on the new baby…you must be exhausted, so the fact that you took time to comment (and that you’ve read every one of my posts) is both humbling and amazing.

      Sometimes the mundane makes the very best blog fodder, I think. Can’t wait to check yours out!

  54. Phouka says:

    1. Aloha! I go by Phouka on the interwebs, and I live in Kansas City. I’d love to write more for a living than I do . . . but I have no idea how one starts freelancing, and I definitely am not up to starting the great American novel while working full time and raising two kids. I have no idea how y’all do it that do–I just want to sleeeeeep (and maybe have a margarita?).

    2.I think I’ve enjoyed riding the coattails of the insanity of your life the best–maybe it’s that I like the dirt (the whole Marilyn thing? O. M. effing G.), or maybe it’s that it helped put my life in perspective (at least I don’t have a Marilyn of my own–that is something to be happy about!).

    3. I do indeed blog, at Peanutandphouka.wordpress.com. Everything on the blog is related to vision impairment in one way or another.

    4. I’d swear you were Freshly Pressed once upon a time, too–I think it was the shit divorce post? Wild. I think right now I could just knee the entire Republican party, and maybe all of the rest of congress while I’m at it. Could they please just get SOMETHING useful done? Argh!

    • Mikalee Byerman says:

      I love this, Phouka — so great getting to know my readers in a little more depth. Thank you so much for sharing! I’m glad that my bat-shit craziness allows for some perspective…it is a bizarre life I lead, and I wouldn’t wish a Marilyn upon anyone.

      Hey by the way, one of the ways I do what I do — is BECAUSE of margaritas. So there you go: you can be a writer, a mom and still enjoy a drink (or five). Definitely not when the kids are around, but I’m telling you: Some of my best writing is inspired by Brett and me brainstorming while enjoying a nice bottle (or six) of wine! 😉

      Definitely NOT Freshly Pressed…but I do manage to read and comment on quite a few of those, so perhaps that inspired the confusion?

      Anyhow, thank you so much for being here, for offering some insights and sharing your link. Love it!

  55. kelliefish13 says:

    Kia ora I’m Kellie and I’m from New Zealand. I was a teacher but am now a very new Mum to my gorgeous wee boy who was born almost 2 weeks ago, hence being a little late on commenting.
    I love how random and very funny your blog is, my favourite post was about you and your brother in the photo booth.
    I was blogging about my travels around the UK and Europe followed by a mad move home, not sure whats next but my blog is http://kelliefish13.wordpress.com/
    No idea how I came across your blog probably through a link from another blog I read but I am glad I did.

    • Mikalee Byerman says:

      Wow, Kellie — that’s the best excuse ever for a late comment: CONGRATULATIONS!!! I do hope you’re getting at least a little rest and enjoying your brand new bundle of heaven. I’ll admit to being a wee jealous — those days were so scary and yet so full of love. Enjoy!

      I’m also more than a little jealous of your travels — quite the adventures. Sounds like you might be grounded for a bit, now that you have a new baby?

      Thank you for sharing, and I’m so glad you’re here!

  56. joaquinbarroso says:

    I am JOAQUIN and I am a CHEMIST from MEXICO CITY.
    I blog about COMPUTATIONAL AND THEORETICAL CHEMISTRY and here’s my link: http://joaquinbarroso.com.

    The guilt is almost gone; I think I’ve coped with it but it will always be present in my mind as a reminder of how fragile human trust is. And how precious it can be. I wish in my heart my ex (to whom I was never married nor had any children with) is happy and that may she find a place in her heart to forgive me (even if that means to say “fuck you, joaquin” with a smile). Right now I’m very happy with my woman (who is unaware -although suspicious- of my wrong deeds). I love her with all my heart and will take care of her and her feelings even if I ever stop loving her.
    Thanks for writing, Mikalee.

    • Mikalee Byerman says:

      Hola, Joaquin…and thank you so much for sharing such a personal insight into what makes you — you — and why you’re here, too! I think it’s important for everyone to accept that we’re all humans, and sometimes as humans we make mistakes. It sounds like you’ve found a spectacular love: perhaps just a reminder that honesty is SO important. I always tell Brett: It’s perfectly fine if you want to tell me something that’s going to hurt me, because telling me will hurt so much less than finding out about a lie down the road. The knowledge can be painful, but at least you were respectful enough to share the knowledge…right?

      Anyhow, thank you again for being here, reading and sharing, Joaquin! 🙂

    • Mikalee Byerman says:

      Hey there Lexy — nice to “virtually” meet you. And thank you for the kind words — I’m so glad you can appreciate my rather dark sense of humor.

      I’m always in awe of people who can write fiction…you must have a wonderful imagination! Can’t wait to check out your writings.

      Thanks again for being here!

  57. Whiskey Tango Foxtrot says:

    Wasabi! My name is Jim. I hail from a little back-water town called Seattle. You may have heard of it. By day, I am a matchmaker or sorts, and recruit for various technology companies in the Seattle area. In my off hours, I am a raconteur, karaoke lounge lizard, and grumpy old man. Like Admiral Stockdale of 1992 Presidential election fame, I find myself wondering, “who am I, and why am I here?”

    After several minutes, I paused and remembered that I like your blog, M, because of your erudite vocabulary (Exhibits 1 & 2: vajajay and squillion-umptillion), irreverent humor, you have the balls (euphemistically of course) to use “fuck” liberally in your posts, and I appreciate the occasional educational value you provide (e.g., blowjobs do NOT exclusively involve blowing). I am particularly impressed that you can elicit so many comments from 2.594985 readers. Technically, I have more readers than you (three), yet they are not quite as prolific as yours. Fockers. You need to share your little secret, girlfriend! (Please tell Brett I use “girlfriend” strictly as a term of endearment.)

    I write a blog called Whiskey Tango Foxtrot, which you can find here: bustarib.wordpress.com. As the tagline states, my posts are mostly random musings and observations about the world. Some are funny, some serious in nature, all are real (or incorporate 100% lime flavoring). I play the guitar with mediocrity, but can make a killer mixed CD/playlist. I do not get along well with closed-minded and mean people, hardcore conservatives/liberals, know-it-alls, tequila, and eggplants. I love bacon. I can understand your crush on Daniel Craig, and if I were homosexually inclined, I would do him too. But I like vajajays. Keep up the great work, M!

    • Mikalee Byerman says:

      I sure hope you get lots of linky love to your happy little blog based on this comment alone — you had me laughing all over the place! Admiral Stockdale — what a blast from the past!


      I’m constantly amazed myself that my 2.594985 readers exhibit such verbal prowess while keeping multiple personalities in check. If I were that 2.594985, I’d get WAY confused trying to juggle it all. So to them, I say: Bravo to you for your adept schizophrenia!

      Tequila? Yum. Eggplant? Yummier. Daniel Craig? Yummiest. Sorry the former two aren’t your friends (more for me!), but I’m glad to see you can understand my affinity for the latter.

      Thanks for the amazing comment, WTF. I will keep the fucks and vajajays coming your way — at least a squillion-umptillion more times!

      • Whiskey Tango Foxtrot says:

        “I will keep the fucks and vajajays coming your way.” Why thank you! Taken out of context, this quote is even more hi-larious. So is the phrase “linky love.” How the hell do you do it, M? Pure genius. You are welcome, BTW. I appreciate the props. And hello, I’ve added another reader since I last posted. Now I am up to four. Woot!!

  58. WonderfullyPhenom (@OverWondeful) says:

    What’s up good lookin’?

    I love your blog posts about your divorce and your co-parenting experience because you lighten that drama up with your candid humor in a way that I sooo admire and love. It is what attracted me to this blog in the first place.

    I’m Phenom. I blog about divorce under a pseudonym so that my douche canoe of a STBX has less ammo to try and shut me down. I’m trying to start over “wonderful” but I’ll be the first to admit that I spend a lot of time falling down on my face instead. At least I do it with style … my most recent mishap occurred just about two weeks ago when I found out that the first guy I had been dating “exclusively” since leaving the douche canoe was actually a married man masquerading around as a single dad and I had unknowingly been his other woman for about two months. I contacted his wife promptly after finding out and I outed the lying, cheating, bastard on my blog … my readership skyrocketed so at least I got that out of the experience.

    I look forward to networking further with you, Mikalee. I think you rock and I would love to add you to my blogroll. Do you have a badge or should I just link up?

    • Mikalee Byerman says:

      Nice to “see” you, again Phenom — you know I love love LOVE the term “douche canoe,” which leads me to believe you and I may have been separated at divorce birth!

      So sorry to hear about the latest — but at least there’s the upside in terms of a skyrocketing readership! I’ll have to scoot on over and take a look … I really can’t believe I missed this installment. What a bastard!

      I would be honored if you’d add me to your blogroll…thank you! No official “badge,” cuz I’m clearly not that cool.

      Thanks for allowing my readers to get to know you, bloggy buddy! 🙂

  59. Bethany says:

    Ok, I’m in. I’m Bethany from the nearby ‘burg of Carson City. (actually, Dayton, but nobody knows where that is, so I claim the town where I work instead) I work for the state in tourism, and I blog about wine at http://www.mamaswinerack.com. I also drink Diet Coke even though I’m convinced that it’s poison… but it’s such tasty poison!

    I started reading because the brick story was just too funny to not follow up on and see what happens next. But I continue reading because your posts are funny and relatable.

    • Mikalee Byerman says:

      Hey there, Bethany — so glad you’re playing along! I had no idea you’re a blogger as well … now I’m on my way to check out your space, too. I’m a total noob when it comes to wine, so perhaps you can teach me something. I always just look at Brett and say, “smooth finish, a little jammy, dry but tasty” to every wine we try. He seems completely bamboozled.


      Thank you for being here, for reading — and for being part of the Diet Coke tribe. We all know it’s killing us…but what a wonderful way to die!

  60. David Navarre says:

    You always make me laugh!

    My own blog is mostly about military history, so probably not a lot of folks who read both….


    I do also have pages about where to stay in Normandy, who to visit in Burgundy and links to an Amazon store of wine books, so maybe Francophiles might find some things to read….

  61. VerdantLee says:

    Hey lady! My name is Lee, and I’m from sunny Florida, but I now call NC home. I pay the bills by working as a “battery guru” for a telecom power service company. Like you, I am a card-carrying member of the shit-divorce club (2x), and I blog about that and many other topics at http://www.verdant4ever.wordpress.com.
    I think I found your blog while surfing wordpress one day, and I enjoy your quirky, sometimes sarcastic take on life! Cheers!

  62. stephwithoutborders says:

    Hello, my name is Stephanie and I am a gypsy. Not the thieving kind, just the wandering kind. I’ve thought about being the thieving kind but it just doesn’t seem like a nice thing to do. I have loved all your posts, you make me laugh in the belly rolling can’t breathe kind of way! I found you through our mutual and entirely fantastic friend Heidi, and I blog at stephwithoutborders.com.

    • Mikalee Byerman says:

      Ha! Thanks for clarifying about the gypsy thing — the first thing I thought when I read that was “Crap — now I gotta hide the gold coins and rubies…”


      I’m so glad Heidi introduced us — she is entirely fantastic, isn’t she? But so are you, my gypsy bloggy buddy!

  63. Debra Colby-Conklin says:

    Exhausted, mundane, un-normal (although I have no clue what normal really is) waiting to exhale by exiting my marriage in a civil manner, and learning who I might be without a husband to cater to. Just your normal, average, everyday middle-age woman.

  64. Sara Wilson says:

    Hi Mikalee, My name is Sara and while I can’t relate personally as I’m not divorced, you have a gift with words which helps me to imagine the betrayal and hurt. What I can relate to personally is the sudden realization that your life has been turned upside down and it’s up to you to recreate yourself. Double layoffs put my husband and I in that situation three years ago and resulted in an international move from New York City to, ultimately, Altea, Spain as well as the launching of my blog: http://www.sarawilson.wordpress.com I’m glad that you found the courage and the words to start writing about your painful but enlightening journey. From the looks of it, you’ve helped lots of people with your honesty. Kudos to you!

  65. crunchymunchymama says:

    Hi, I’m Crunchymunchy Mama! I’ve seen quite a few of your comments on other pages and decided to visit. I liked what I saw and just subscribed.

    About me: I’m a transplanted New Yorker residing in Chapel Hill, NC because NY is crazy expensive with a lousy job market. I’ve post-poned law school so I can be a stay-at-home mom, which, much to my surprise, I’m enjoying a lot. I also work sometimes-part-time as an LSAT instructor for Kaplan. I would work more because I need the cash, but they haven’t given me a class assignment in a while. I’m trying not to be paranoid about it.

    I blog about trying to raise my almost 2 yr old son in a more “crunchymunchy” fashion (organic food, non-discipline, snuggles for sleeping instead of crying it out) without going over the top (hemp onesies and placenta milkshakes). I blog about marriage and how we’ve had more fights since having a baby than ever in the 12 years prior to baby. We’re trying to rediscover our mojo. Seems to be no time for mojo hunting though, or for blogging for that matter. In fact, I hear baby waking up now, so gotta go. But nice to meet you, Mikalee 🙂

  66. aagardfamily says:

    Well, as my momma says: I was born 2 weeks late and I’ve been late ever since… so I apologize for being tardy to class, Ms. Byerman.

    If you’ve made it this far down the comments section, I’m Aimee from Sasquatch country (Olympic mountains of Washington state). I’m the mother of a headstrong teenager and a little boy with autism. I was married for 13 not-so-blissful years.

    I love reading about the divorce B.S. because I can relate. We all love the familiar. My post-divorce/co-parenting version of a Grimm’s fairytale could possibly be a pretty strong contender in the shit divorce arena.
    I know it’s been 3-4 years now since Mikalee’s divorce (if I’m getting the timeline correct) and it’s nearly been 2 years since my own so I’m just coming out of my post-divorce fog. ALMOST ready to dip my toe in the pool of dating again. LOL Not really looking forward to my awkward teen years being revisited.

    Mikalee’s sense of humor has really helped me make light of my own situation. There’s strength in numbers. 🙂 Mikalee also inspired me to start my own blog but it’s still pretty dark and serious at the moment… I’d rather wait til the “new & improved me” part is written before I start sharing.

    Thanks Mikalee for making me laugh! Yes, I’m a FB follower as well.

  67. lifeandothermisadventures says:

    Hey lady,
    I love reading your blog! I ended a very long term relationship a couple of years ago and it has helped so much to read and be able to laugh with you about it all. These days, I’m trying to move on and figure out this whole dating-in-my-30s thing, which is what I write about most, with a sprinkling of political activism.

  68. Kristen says:

    HI Mikalee –
    My name is Kristen and I live in suburban Pennsylvania. I found your blog because I used to write for Indie Albany and someone over there said you were awesome and since I was also mid-divorce (or mid-separation or mid-something-crappy) I thought we were virtual kindred spirits.

    I write a blog at http://keepswimmin.com about what on earth you do when all of a sudden that whole happily-ever-after thing is no longer an option. I still don’t know really, but that’s OK 🙂

If you do not leave a comment, you will further shatter my already broken spirit. If you can live with that guilt, so be it... ;)

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