sanitizing wipes

Six Feet Apart or Six Feet Under? I’ll Take the Former

Shit is real.

You’ll notice I did not say it *just got* real. Because it just is, indeed, entirely real.

We are in the midst of a pandemic, the likes of which our government apparently knew might happen, but did nothing about.

Huh, imagine that.

Anyhoo, here I am, Quarantine Day # 8, a single mom with a 6-year-old (not to mention the far-harder-to-convince-to-stay-inside 17-year-old and 20-year old).home schooling

And yet, here’s our reality: I haven’t allowed my family to be in public since Friday of last week.

Why, you might appropriately ask? To #flattenthefuckingcurve.

Yet I am confused. Why do I pass by retail stores, and people are still there?

Why do I pass by restaurants, and people are still dining inside?

Why are people still complaining about these simple life-preserving methods of keeping a safe social distance in order to curb the spread of this virus?

I just don’t get it.

We know what’s going to happen. We only need look to China or Italy, and there it is: the crystal-fucking-clear answer.

It’s almost like we’ve read the CliffsNotes version and brazenly taken the SAT, assuming we actually knew the actual definition of “irony,” even though we think it’s synonymous with something Alanis Morrissette thinks it is actually about.

(Spoiler alert: It is NOT “♬ …like raiiiiiiiiiin, on your wedding day…♬”)

What irony is: Getting fucking COVID-19 from the germs of the warehouse handlers who touched the package of the disinfecting wipes you ordered through Amazon when you were fucking quarantined inside your home because no one else had fucking sanitizing wipes.

Now THAT, my friends, is irony.

There’s only one answer to this shitstorm of dumbfuckery:

It’s 6 feet, peeps.

Stay away from those around you by a minimum of 6 fucking feet.

My 20-year-old and my 6-year-old having a snowball fight on a walk around our neighborhood as we #shelterinplace. And yes, yesterday was the first day of spring. Don’t tell Mama Nature.

Identify the people in your tight familial circle, and let no one else apart from those people inside that precious little circle to be inside your circle at a distance of less than 6 feet.

That’s it. Simple as that. #SocialFuckingDistancing, explained.

I’m so tired of all of this.

I’m tired of people lamenting their loss of freedom, their loss of autonomy, their loss of toilet paper.

Shit is real. And for real shit, we need real solutions — the likes of which no Costco-sized palette of toilet paper will resolve.

We are in a brave(ish) new world.

And it’s time to consider the reality that we’re going to be dealing with this for about 2 months, and then shit will likely go back to normal.

And yet…

We are forever changed. Let us never forget the lessons. Let us not adapt to our new normal, without always considering this very present new new-normal.

Because while things will go back to “normal,” they will never be normal again.

You do know this will happen again, right?

So how will we be ready next time?

Shit is real. And we have to be ready.

It’s just 6 feet, people.

We can do that.

And alas, we must consider how to do that very simple thing: again and again and fucking again.

12 thoughts on “Six Feet Apart or Six Feet Under? I’ll Take the Former

    • Mikalee Byerman says:

      Agreed. And here we are a month later, and they appear to not be getting it EVEN MORE now. How is that possible? And btw, WordPress is an asshole and didn’t give me a heads up that there were comments, which is the reason for the radio silence. So forgive me! I guess this is all part of the learning curve when you return to a dormant blog 23 years later, give or take. Haha. I hope you and yours are healthy and safe, Kristen!

  1. Swinged Cat says:

    Your definition of irony is probably the best example I have ever seen. So many people try and fail, but you succeeded.

    Too bad it took a pandemic to get you back here posting, but I will take all the Mikalee I can get. If for no other reason than your predisposition to add “fucking” to all the hashtags, which improves them immensely.

    Some places are obviously more severely impacted than others. Hey, we’re still going to work here, as in, commuting to a physical office. Not much choice there if we want to keep our jobs (though I am actually working from home today and have been given the green light to do so as much as I want, so you bet your ass I’ll be taking advantage). I’m surprised that restaurants in Reno are still open. I’m all for supporting local businesses, but I will do so via takeout.

    Best of luck to you and your family. Sounds like you’re doing a great job keeping them safe.

    • Mikalee Byerman says:

      I’m giddy with anticipation, waiting for the day a famous singer will approach me to turn my version of “Isn’t it ironic” into a song. I keep waiting, and yet… 😉

      And I’m beyond grateful that you’re still here, appreciating my expletive-filled posts. I hope you are happy and healthy. And yes, takeout these last few weeks has been LIFE-SAVING. Who knew a visit to a locally owned Mexican restaurant for a curbside delivery would be in the running for the highlight of 2020 for my family?

  2. Bruce Stambaugh says:

    It’s good to have you back, Mikalee. I couldn’t believe all those spring break students on the beaches in FL, and then the stupid governor finally closed the beaches after most already had headed home. Greed. Stay safe and let’s all help flatten the curve.

    • Mikalee Byerman says:

      Seriously. While I’d like to think of it as somewhat Darwinian in nature (natural selection at work), unfortunately they’re not living in a vacuum — and will still need to be treated by our overwrought healthcare system. Stay healthy, Bruce!

  3. larry savage says:

    Whatever rabbit hole we’ve fallen down or the politicians have pushed us down and we are not going to wake along the riverbank from a dream. the question you touched on is whether the us of USA can do the separation and sacrifice to get through this. We are not Aron Ralston faced with the choice of cutting off and arm to survive.
    Bueno Suerte mi amiga…

  4. trailertrashdeluxe says:

    When my email told me you had blogged, I couldn’t believe it at first. “No one blogs any more” is nearly true, at least when referring to everyone that I’ve followed for nearly a decade. Anyway, it’s great, as usual, to read your writing, it’s awful that this crapshow was the thing that brought it out rather than some good news, your writing is great, as it’s always been, and I hope that you and yours are doing well. And isn’t it nice to know that we have a Prez who is focused on the important things in life, as in tv ratings rather than lives?

    • Mikalee Byerman says:

      Haha! The only reason I considered writing is because “no one blogs any more” (rebellion is in my nature!). I’ve missed my bloggy friends (yourself totally included). I hope you’re healthy and happy!

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